They leave me "Breathless!"

I think I’ve mentioned a time or two on this here blog my affinity for songs with rapid-fire lyrics/vocals, because they are almost always funny, and if nothing else, fast-paced. So without further ado, I give you my Top 25 (or so) Greatest Rapid-Fire Lyric Songs of All-Time:

Honorable mention:  “Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)—REUNION (1974)  One-hit wonder song during which former Ohio Express lead singer Joey Levine breathlessly reels off a veritable who’s who of Pop music history in three-and-a-half minutes.  Actress/comedian Tracey Ullman also turned in a respectable cover version of this one in 1984.

25) “Face The Face”—PETE TOWNSHEND (1985)  I have no clue what Pete was singing about on the signature track from his White City album, but it’s a dandy song.  The Entwistle-esque bass line was provided by The Ox’s subsequent replacement in The Who, session man Pino Palladino.
24) “Rip This Joint”—ROLLING STONES (1972)  One of the more underrated Stones songs—why they don’t play this one on the radio anymore is beyond me…
23) “Party On The Patio”—Z.Z. TOP (1981)  Not unlike “Rip This Joint”, a very underrated song from my very favorite ZZ album, El Loco.  I do hope they rescued Billy G. from underneath the sink…
22) “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”—TED NUGENT (1977)  In one of Ted’s more lucid moments, he introduced this song on Double Live Gonzo! by proclaiming, “Anybody wants to get mellow, you can turnaroundandgetthefuckouttahere!”  Hard to argue with that sentiment…
21) “We Are The Road Crew”—MOTORHEAD (1980)  Pretty self-explanatory here:  “Another town, another place, another truck, another race, another word I’ve learned to say…”
20) “Travelin’ Band”—CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL (1970)  One of my all-time favorite CCR songs, even I was tempted to “call the state militia” the first few times I heard it…
19) “Battle Of Kookamonga”—HOMER & JETHRO (1959)  Classic parody of Johnny Horton’s equally-speedy “Battle of New Orleans”.  I can‘t help but agree with H&J:  “Awww, them big guys get everything!”
18) “Crawling From The Wreckage”—DAVE EDMUNDS (1979)  The song that introduced me to this very underrated musician.  Dave has a knack for doing speedy songs anyway, both vocally and musically—witness his classic rendition of Khachaturian’s “Sabre Dance”.  One would think half of ALL our brains would get the message—sooner or later...
17) [Tie] “Traitor”—MOTORHEAD (1987)/“On Your Feet Or On Your Knees”—MOTORHEAD (1993)  Brother Lemmy strikes again with two of my favorite Motorhead songs ever, both of which prove that speed don’t always kill.
16) “Dear Dad”—CHUCK BERRY (1965)/DAVE EDMUNDS (1982)  Extremely witty tune from Mr. Berry all about high schooler Henry “Junior” Ford begging his old man to buy him a new Cadillac to replace his P.O.S. Ford.
15) “Gump”—WEIRD AL YANKOVIC (1994)  It’s a household name.  Fuck the Presidents of The U.S.A. (okay, at least the current one, anyway), Al’s parody of “Lump” makes a helluva lot more sense!  A sample verse:  “Gump’s buddy Bubba was a shrimp-lovin’ man/his friend with no legs he called ‘Lieutenant Dan’/His girlfriend Jenny was kind of a slut/Went to the White House and showed L.B.J. his butt…”  And that’s all I have to say about that.
14) “Hard Headed Woman”—ELVIS PRESLEY (1958)  Can you believe this damn thing is 50 years old already?!?  This—along with 1959‘s “Big Hunk O’ Love”—was the last of Elvis’ truly bad-ass songs before Uncle Sam and movies derailed his career.  Ever since the world began…
13) “Too Much Monkey Business”—CHUCK BERRY (1956)  Ah yes, the trials and tribulations of teenage youth, so eloquently (and rapidly) described by Mr. Berry.  Dollar gas?!?  Awwww…
12) “Jools And Jim”—PETE TOWNSHEND (1980)  “They don’t give a shit Keith Moon is dead—is that exactly what I thought I read?”  Pete was obviously in none too good of a mood when he wrote this one…
11) “Boobs A Lot”—THE HOLY MODAL ROUNDERS (1971)  Originally done by The Fugs in 1965 and a veritable Dr. Demento classic, this one asks the burning question, “Do ya like boobs a lot?”  Well, do ya?  Why, soitenly!
10) “They Called It Rock”—NICK LOWE (1978)  Music Business, 101.  I love Nick’s colorful description of this mythical band:  “The drummer is a bookie, the singer is a whore, the bass player’s sellin’ clothes he never woulda wore…”
9) “Tennessee Plates”—JOHN HIATT (1988)  Very funny song about a couple of small-time crooks who break in to Graceland to pilfer one of Elvis’ Cadillacs.  JH justifies said thievery by saying, “Anyway he wouldn’t care—hell, he gave ‘em to his friends!”
8) “We Didn’t Start The Fire”—BILLY JOEL (1989)  School teachers everywhere actually used this song as a study aid soon after it came out (and probably still do) for kids to learn about each topic Billy reels off here.  My gripe is how he whipped through the ‘70s and ‘80s in one verse after spending most of the song in the ‘50s and ‘60s.  Still, this was a damn sight better than BJ’s other rapid-fire lyric song, 1986’s “Modern Woman”, which may well have been the nadir of the Piano Man’s career.
7) “It’s The End Of The World And We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”—R.E.M. (1987)  I’ve listened to myself churn on many an occasion, so it’s pretty hard to leave this one off this list.  I’m sure Leonard Bernstein would be highly pissed if I did…
6) “Get Over It”—THE EAGLES (1994)  Don Henley’s verbal bazooka was set for stun for this direct hit on all those Geraldo/Montel/Maury/Jerry panel members and the fools who watch them daily.  “You’re making the most of your losing streak—some call it sick, well I call it weak…”  Touche!
5) “Stairway To Cleveland”—JEFFERSON STARSHIP (1981)  All-purpose rant complete with mob vocals and the mighty mantra “Fuck you--we do what we want!”  Whatcha gonna do about it?…
4) “Man With A Mission”—DON HENLEY (1985)  A hidden gem from DH’s classic Building The Perfect Beast album, this song shuffles along with a fair amount of alacrity as he threatens to “run a few red lights, grind a few gears/Start a few fist fights, drink a few beers…”  Good clean fun…
3) “What Did I Do Last Night?”—DAVE EDMUNDS (1977)  Another hidden gem of a Nick Lowe song sung at break-neck speed by Edmunds all about the perils of waking up with a killer hangover and a strange woman.  Dave had to sing fast here because this song barely clocks in at a buck-45!
2) “Get Out Of Denver”—BOB SEGER (1974)/DAVE EDMUNDS (1977)  Try and keep up with this one as you sing along—I dare ya!  Believe it or not, the Dave Edmunds version is even faster than Bob’s—with double-tracked vocals, no less!
1) “Subterranean Homesick Blues”—BOB DYLAN (1965)  Total nonsense, to be sure, but this has to be the all-time rapid-fire lyrics champion.  I can usually make it through the first verse and maybe halfway through the second one before I stumble on the words when singing along.  As senseless as the song was, brother Zimmerman was absolutely right about one thing—one truly doesn’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows…