Blog Factor, Mr. Sulu!

I GIVE UP, TIGER—YOU WIN!
After years and years of trying to find reasons to hate Tiger Woods, I have to give credit where credit is due—the S.O.B. is a legend.  There, I said it!  As you may or may not know, I hate golf—at least professional golf on TV anyway—and over the past ten years I've been mentally worn-out by all the coverage of Tiger Woods, especially on ESPN.  I've never disputed that the guy is good, but all the same, I've never been crazy about the guy because he's a tad arrogant and surly.  This is NOT a racial thing either—I think it's funny as hell that the best golfer in the world is a black man, and more power to him.

Anyway, my friend Tom and I were out having a few beers Saturday night, and the U.S. Open thing was on the tube at the bar, and we both got a kick out of Tiger holing out on a shot from the bunker, and I thought to myself, "this som-bitch is the luckiest motherfucker in the world..."  Flash ahead to Sunday evening, and for no particular reason, I found myself watching the end of the tournament and the duel between Tiger and Rocco "Need You Tonight" Mediate (oops, sorry for the Chris Berman-ism, there) and I was just blown away by Woods' steely-eyed determination to tie the thing up and send it to overtime with a clutch par putt on the 18th hole.  All I could say afterward about Tiger was "What a putts!"  Hell, even the 18-hole playoff on Monday went into overtime, before TW won his 14th major tournament in his career.

Anyway, I now officially recognize Tiger Woods as real man of genius and an outstanding competitor.  But let me say this:  I'd kick his ass on any mini-golf course in America (as well as several other free-world countries)!

A SAD ANNIVERSARY
I was reminded this morning that it was 21 years ago today that former Kansas City Royals manager Dick Howser lost his battle with brain cancer.  He seemed like such a good guy, and I admired how DH refused to take any crap off of George Steinbrenner when he managed the Yankees in the early '80s.  I never will forget that night after I heard that he died, as I was actually moved to tears for one of the rare times.  I remember laying out on my mom and dad's patio lounger with my Walkman on, playing my Rush Power Windows cassette when the song "Marathon" came on.  Near the end of the tune, a heavenly choir-like backing chorus floods the background of the song, and I remember staring up at the full moon and thinking what a gyp it was that Howser went from the ultimate high of his career—leading the Royals to the 1985 World Series title—to slipping away from us in just a little over a year and a half, and as the song ended, I just laid there in tears.  The man deserved a better fate—rest in peace, Dick.

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #87
"Cat's In The Cradle"—HARRY CHAPIN (1974)  "Can you teach me to throw?/I said 'Not today--I got a lot to do'/He said, 'That's O.K.'/And he walked away but his smile never dimmed and he said, 'I'm gonna be like him, yeah...'"  This line mystified me for years until I looked it up on the 'net.  I always thought the kid said, "But he smiled at his friend and he said..."  Speaking of good guys who deserved a better fate, HC left us way too soon in 1981, as he was killed in a car accident en route to a charity concert event.  Apparently Harry was not an excellent driver, and he obviously wasn't flying in his "Taxi" at the time, either...

SIGN OF THE TIMES
The Kansas City Star announced today that it is letting go of 120 employees.  Too bad that hacks like entertainment columnist Hearne Christopher, Jr., ever-flatulent sportswriter Jason Whitlock and lifestyle columnist Jenee "You Go Girl" Osterheldt weren't among those let go.  By getting rid of the three of them alone, The Star could afford to keep the other 120 hard-working people they did let go...

TWO LITTLE SHITHEADS SITTIN' IN A TREE...
...or on a couch, anyway.  Talk about your strange bedfellows—these two palookas deserve each other.  Just think, you're looking at damn near 500 pounds of sanctimonious sacks of shit on one sofa, there...







SPEAKING OF FLATULENCE...
...I give you the Top 3 bass farts in Rock 'N' Roll history:
1) "Space Oddity"—DAVID BOWIE (1969)
2) "Oh My My"—RINGO STARR (1974)
3) "Burn Like A Candle"—PAUL REVERE & THE RAIDERS (1968)

I'LL TAKE POTPOURRI FOR $100, ALEX...
I was watching the infamous "Jeopardy!" episode of "Cheers" recently wherein Cliff Clavin breezed through the first two rounds with the help of his "dream boards" that included categories like Stamps, Mothers And Sons, Beers Of The World, et al, before faltering in Final Jeopardy by responding, "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?"

This got me to thinking, what would be my ultimate "dream board" on "Jeopardy!"?  I think it would go something like this:  State Capitals, Kiss Lyrics, Sanford & Son, '70s TV Game Shows, Tommy-The Movie and NFL Films Trivia.

My "nightmare board"?  That's easy:  The Bible, Shakespeare, Greek Mythology, The Sopranos, Fly-Fishing, and Zoology.

MAYBE IT IS EASY BEING GREEN...
I'm currently watching the Boston Celtics obliterate the L.A. Fakers in a Game 6 muckin' fugging in the NBA Finals.  There was a time when I absolutely despised, loathed, and just plain hated the Celtics (the Yankees of the NBA) during the days of Havlicek, Nelson, White, Bird, McHale, et al, and loved the Lakers back in the days of Chamberlain, West, Baylor, Hairston and Goodrich, et al, but now the roles are reversed—as Popeye might say, I can't stands L.A. no more!  That can be mostly attributed to Kobe Bryant, who I think is a total horse's ass, as well as Phil Jackson, whom I respect but still don't much care for.  I'm also happy for Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Sam Cassell for finally getting to the top after years of frustration, as well as Kansas grad Paul Pierce.  Hell, Bostonians were ready to string head coach Doc Rivers up by his nutsack last year, thus this victory is even more impressive considering that this was the same team that lost 21 games in a row last season, and they sucked like a Hoover Upright.  Can you say worst-to-first? Norm and Cliffy and the gang will no doubt be downing a few in celebration at Cheers tonight...