I can't complain, but sometimes I still do...

Sorry for the relative silence this week, but with all the Christmas hubbub and such, I haven't had the time or the creative spark to do much writing this week, so let's see if I can get back in the swing of things...

I AM NO LONGER IN GOOD HANDS...THANK GOODNESS!
I found out this week that it pays to shop around a little when it comes to homeowner's and car insurance.  I'm just a tad bewildered at how much I've been overpaying Allstate these last couple years, as it turns out that Farmers Insurance is offering me slightly better coverage on my house for less than half—I repeat—half of what I was paying Allstate, and about 2/3 of what I was paying for full coverage on my car.

I've been disgruntled with Allstate lately anyway, especially after some "good hands guy" called me at my workplace a couple weeks ago to remind me that my homeowner's insurance was up for renewal, and did I have concerns or questions about my policy?  Well, uh, gee, if I did have any concerns, don't you think I would have called my agent about them?  Come to think of it, why isn't my agent calling me instead of some schmuck from out of town reading off a script?  Hell, I've never even actually met my current insurance agent before!  That's Allstate's stand for ya...

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN...
...there's never a dull moment when it comes to Kansas City weather.  Last weekend (when it was still officially Fall), we experienced single-digit overnight lows and sub-zero wind chills here.  Yesterday, we reached the mid-60s and it was muckin'-fuggy as all get-out.  Overnight, we were in a Tornado Watch, and I awoke to 60 MPH winds at 5:00 in the blessed AM, followed by torrential rains.  About four hours ago, it started snowing.  As I type now at 10:20PM, the stars are out and all is calm.  Hell, tomorrow it'll probably be 95 and humid...

"I THINK PAT BOONE IS A MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUS"—A. CRONAUER
With all apologies to Robin Williams' character in Good Morning, Vietnam, I beg to differ.  Singer/Super Christian has-been Pat Boone was quoted last week, saying that there’s “a real, unbroken line between the Mumbai terrorists and pro-gay marriage Prop 8 protesters.”  It never ceases to amaze me how so-called "Christians" like this toupee-wearing hack are so hateful, intolerant and strident in their beliefs that they'll go out of their way to blame gay people for every evil known to man, no matter how outrageous their claims might be.  Every time I hear Boone's old records where he butchered up classics like "Tutti-Frutti" and "Ain't That A Shame", I throw up in my mouth a little.  What a tool...

"FAIR AND BALANCED" PERSONIFIED
Just to show you what a consistent critic I am, I'm taking the same dim view of Caroline Kennedy's potential ascendency to the U.S. Senate that I took of Sarah Palin's potential ascendency to the Vice-Presidency.  In both cases, it would be like having a quadriplegic teaching Phys. Ed. class...

TINA FEY?  MEH!
Did ya see where Tina Fey was named Entertainer Of The Year by the Ass-ociated Press?  Just because she imitated Sarah Palin?  The degree of difficulty in doing a Palin imitation is about that of mimicking Dickie Nixon or maybe John Wayne.  Hell, put me in a wig, eye glasses and a skirt suit with some high heels, and gosh darnit, yours truly could probably nail Ms. Winky-Dink pretty good, too.

MARK TEIXEIRA?  MEH!
$180 million for eight years to play for the Yankees?  Nothing personal against MT (who I think is a pretty good ballplayer), but nobody's worth that kind of loot!  Meantime, the Bronx Bummers still claim they need money from the state of New York to finish building their fancy new stadium—what's wrong with this picture?  Mark my words, even with all these big-name free agent signings (Sabathia, Burnett, et al), the Yankees still won't make the playoffs in 2009.  And if the Red Sox and Tampa Bay finish ahead of them again, I will laugh—hysterically!

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
You think those erectile dysfunction commercials are bad?  Did you ever think you'd see the day when they'd be advertising K-Y Jelly on TV?  During the day when kids are watching, no less!

HE AIN'T NO SISKEL OR EBERT...
Check out this little item I found on the IMDB.com message boards regarding the classic film A League Of Their Own:

Movie review: 11/18/01 by sickcritik
“Oh my god, this film has to be the most boring film I have seen in a long time my friend.  The untalented Geena Davis, huge and ugly Rosie O’Donnell are starring (in) this one of a kind bad film about chicks baseball.  Just imagine how this movie could have been great with actresses like Anna Nicole Smith, Julie Strain, Jenna Jameson and maybe Sandra Scream?  At least Madonna and her great “rack” was there to entertained us a little bit.  I was very sad not to see her nude once at least.  Well, I’ll just go watch Truth Or Dare where she does masturbate on stage…"

Oh yes, Anna Nicole Smith—that vaunted thespian!  Obviously, "sickcritik" is a graduate of the hallowed University of Hee-Haw Film Critic School!  Somewhere out there, a village has been deprived of its idiot...

CLASSIC OVERUSED MOVIE/TV CLICHÉ #1
First of a new occasional series here, spotlighting those annoying omnipresent gambits you see in films and on the tube.  I'll start you off with the one that takes place before nearly every boxing match featured in movies and TV shows (and not just in the Rocky flicks).  The referee brings the fighters together and invariably says, "Okay, you both know the rules..."  Duh—if they both know the rules, then why do they need to be reminded that they know the rules?  Then, the ref proceeds to go over the rules anyway!!

BACK TO BACK TO THE FUTURE...
It occurred to me today that younger viewers who watch Back To The Future probably won't get the bit where Michael J. Fox says, "Give me a Pepsi Free," seeing's how Pepsi no longer makes that product.  It also occurred to me that if they were to do the inevitable remake of BTTF (which you know is coming sooner or later), Kelsey Grammer would be perfect to play the role of Doc Brown.  Or maybe John Lithgow.  Natalie Portman would be a dandy replacement for Lea Thompson too.  And perhaps David Hyde-Pierce in Crispin Glover's spot.  Not sure yet who to cast as Marty McFly, tho...

ICE ICE, BABY!
As I type, I'm enjoying the new AC/DC album Black Ice, which a good friend of mine was kind enough to pirate for me—screw you, Walmart!  I must say that I'm quite pleased with what I'm hearing—shades of the old AC/DC from back in the '80s.  This one blows the doors off their last two studio releases, Stiff Upper Lip and Ballbreaker, and is easily their best album since 1991's The Razor's Edge.

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #105
"Straight Outta Time"—JOHN HIATT (1994)  "...and my love's still real."  A little obscure for some, but I thought Big John was singing about some sort of "love stereo".

MAKING A STATEMENT
This photo accurately depicts my opinion of Tina Fey being named Entertainer of The Year, not to mention Pat Boone, the Bush Administration, our current economy and a few other things...