Someday soon we'll stop to ponder...

...more deep thoughts like these that I fished out of the archives that were previously sent to me:

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• For Sale:  Parachute.  Only used once, never opened…small stain
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Corduroy pillows:  They’re making headlines!
• I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into engines
• Boycott shampoo!  Demand REAL poo!
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
• If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
• Support bacteria—they’re the only culture some people have
• Televangelists:  The Pro Wrestlers of religion
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
• 24 hours in a day…24 beers in a case…coincidence?
• Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have film
• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
• Shin:  A device for finding furniture in the dark
• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them
• Laughing stock:  cattle with a sense of humor
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met
• OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
• Black holes are where God divided by zero
• All those who believe in psychokinesis raise a hand
• I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
• If man evolved from apes, why do we still have apes?
• I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self-Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose
• Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
• If a mute kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• And whose cruel idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Isn’t it scary that doctors call what the do "practice"?
• Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
• What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
• Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they worried someone will clean them?
• Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked?
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• If a mime is arrested to they tell him has the right to talk?
• Why do they put Braille on drive-thru ATMs?
• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
• What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?