Dammit, Jim--I'm a blogger, not a doctor!

MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD!
At least that’s how the news media coverage of this thing is coming across to me—shades of another General Francisco Franco SNL bit.  The crawl on CNN this morning still kept flashing “Singer Michael Jackson, Dead At 50...”  No shit?

My random thoughts about the whole thing:

Hope no one was offended by what I wrote the other night about Michael Jackson already being dead to me for many years, but I’m being honest when I say that.  The singer that I grooved to and enjoyed ceased to exist in the early ‘90s, having been possessed and replaced by this strange humanoid who did creepy and/or ill-advised things.  This by no means diminishes what he did in his career—the guy freakin’ owned the Pop charts for about two years (1982-84) and no one could touch him as a performer.  To this day, I STILL can’t figure out how he did that moonwalk thing!  As for the music, I always loved the Jackson Five stuff from the early ‘70s—Top 40 hits don‘t get much better than “I‘ll Be There” and “Never Can Say Goodbye” with MJ‘s lead vocals and his brothers‘ beautiful harmonies—as well as some of the solo Michael stuff like “Ben” and “Rockin’ Robin”.  I remember thinking to myself the first time I ever heard “Rock With You”, “Man, that sounds pretty sweet—the boy has grown up!"  It even sounded stellar on AM.  And when Thriller came out, I remember how my friend Tom and I were excited about Eddie Van Halen playing on “Beat It”, but that song could’ve easily gone #1 without Ed's help.  Then Michael took over MTV, and the rest is history.  Bad had the unenviable task of following Thriller and it didn’t live up to its name—it was actually a good record but not a great one, and will always feel like a comedown, no matter what, just like how Caribou was a comedown for Elton John in the wake of Yellow Brick Road and likewise Tusk for Fleetwood Mac following Rumours.  The last really good thing I remember Michael Jackson doing was “Leave Me Alone” in ‘89 before everything turned weird with him…

As for the weirdness, who knows what happened to the man?  No question he had a fucked-up childhood from the get-go, and his old man is very much to blame, no matter how often (and loudly) he denies it.  Fame also has a way of turning one’s brain to mush, and considering the lofty heights MJ ascended to, it’s no surprise that the cheese slipped off his proverbial cracker.  His death has already been compared with Elvis Presley’s, and there are certainly some parallels, especially if it’s proven that MJ was over-medicated, as is being suspected.  I think both Michael and Elvis were incredibly lonely people who, once they achieved mega-superstardom, couldn’t really trust anyone to be a true friend or lover, even if that person really was on the level.  Jackson’s marriages were a sham, and I have my doubts whether he really fathered those three kids of his—I think the whole fatherhood thing was just for show, just like when Elton John married that gal in 1984.  I would even venture that Michael Jackson was every bit as gay as Elton is, and I’d have respected him more if he’d just come out instead of pretending to be straight when it was pretty obvious he wasn’t.  MJ’s financial woes are well-documented as well, with millions of dollars frittered away on his Neverland ranch, lavish art purchases, legal fees, etc.  I also can’t help but wonder how much of that money went toward silencing those who accused him of improprieties with little boys.  On that count, it’s pretty hard to feel sorry for him.

Then there’s the whole physical appearance issue, which turned this once good-looking young black guy into a fairly unattractive albino woman.  What on earth possessed MJ to continuously alter his appearance the way he did?  He should’ve quite while he was ahead after Bad came out, but he obviously became addicted to it.  I can understand wanting to make a change or two—if I had the money, I’d have my nose reduced in a New York minute—but what Jackson did borders on sheer lunacy.  What’s worse is all those physicians who were willing to do it to him, too.

Why are MJ fans running out and buying up MJ CDs all of a sudden?  If he’s your favorite singer, wouldn’t you already have all his stuff?  I never have understood this phenomenon when someone famous dies and there’s a run on their music.  And it’s not like Jackson had anything new out that people might not have bought yet, unlike when John Lennon was killed.

When this is all said and done, I predict it will come out that Michael basically did himself in (unintentionally, most likely) and that’s a damn shame.  Rest in peace, Michael—go have that childhood that so eluded you…

On to other business…

PRETTY FLY FOR A BLACK GUY…
I just have to comment on the minor dust-up from last week where President Obama whacked a fly during a TV interview.  Predictably, PETA got their collective panties in a bunch over this, accusing the Prez of being a murderer and all.  Shit like this is why I can’t take these PETA people seriously—we’re talking about a fucking fly here, not baby seals being maimed or Michael Vick being cruel to dogs!  This reminds of the time some wing-nut PETA woman on the West Coast protested the inhumane treatment of the AFLAC duck on the TV ads.  I’ll let you in on a little secret—it’s not a real duck!!

RADIO, SOMEONE STILL LOVES YOU…
While lunching in my car at work the other day, I played around on the radio dial a bit, and pulled in a station on the FM side from the Sedalia/Columbia/Jefferson City area called Power 97 that has a surprisingly good daytime signal.  Nothing new under the sun, format-wise—it’s the same old stuff I hear on the K.C. Rock stations—but it’s kinda fun hearing different voices between the songs for a change, as well as the local commercials for farm implements and what-not.  Almost felt like being on a road trip.  One pet-peeve I have with the chick DJ I heard, though:  she kept saying stuff like “That’s ‘Sister Golden Hair’ with America…”  Uhhh, you wanna try, “That’s ‘Sister Golden Hair’ BY America,” or “That’s America with ‘Sister Golden Hair’,” hon?  I hear other radio jocks do this too, and it bugs the shit out of me.  Poor grammar…

By the way, “Sister Golden Hair”—the only song I’ve ever heard that has a count-in at the end!

WHAT A BUMMER!
The Mo’Nique show at Ameristar Casino scheduled for next month has been cancelled.  I’m going out on a limb here, but I bet it’s because no one was willing to pay 55 bucks (plus service charge) to see this no-talent hack perform.  Nice to know that Americans do still have a little common sense these days…

PREDICTABLE…
The new Independence minor league hockey team announced its name this week:  Missouri Mavericks.  Mavericks is okay, I guess, but it’s been used already.  Reminds me too much of Sarah Palin, Mark Cuban and crappy ‘70s Ford compact cars, too.  I was hoping they’d come up with something new and/or unique, and apparently, they passed on my suggestion of “Kansas City Faggots” in honor of Slim Pickens in Blazing Saddles.  Their color scheme of light blue and orange doesn’t exactly honk my hooter either—too similar to the old Denver Broncos colors.  Oh well, we haven’t had hockey in this town in over five years, so it’s better than nothing.

NOT BACK IN BLACK
At the risk of contradicting myself in terms of “new and/or unique”, I’m pleased to see that the Philadelphia 76ers are reverting back to their old logo and colors from the Dr. J. era/heyday.  That black, gold and teal they’d been wearing the last few years just didn’t work for me.  Too many sports teams either wear black or have incorporated black into their color schemes in the last ten years (including the Royals, who ditched it year before last), and it’s becoming overdone.  Black is cool, but let’s not run it into the ground.

THAT’S S-A-N-F-O-R-D, PERIOD!
Nice job by South Carolina Gov. Sanford of sneaking off to South America to doink some gal on the taxpayers’ dime.  Hope she was worth it because his political career is worth about as much as Fred G. Sanford’s “empire” now…

MORE CURRENT THINGS I COULD DO WITHOUT...
A) The talking Volkswagen on the TV commercials, which has became every bit as annoying as the overly-perky Progressive Insurance girl.  Achtung, already, dummkopf!  B) Perez Hilton.  I’m fairly sympathetic to those in the gay community, and this clown isn’t doing them any favors by prolonging a bad stereotype.

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #116
"I'll Be There"—JACKSON FIVE (1970)  "I'll be there...I'll be there..."  In honor of the dearly-departed, when I was six years old listening to WHB on the radio, I was also a burgeoning young Kansas City Chiefs fan, and when I first heard this song, I thought they were singing "Bobby Bell...Bobby Bell..." as in the Chiefs Hall of Fame linebacker.  I was a weird little kid...

KEEP ON WHAT?
Was listening to some CCR the other day, including the song "Keep On Chooglin'", and wondered what the hell ‘Chooglin’’ means.  Can’t say that I’ve ever choogled before.  Not on purpose anyway…

THANKS……but I wanted a BUD Light!