It was 20 years ago today...

No, not Sgt. Pepper, but it was 20 years ago today that my truncated radio career came to an unceremonious end.  At approximately 5:56 AM on June 30, 1989, I uttered my final words on the air at K-JO 105 in St. Joseph, MO, which were appropriately, “…and I am history.”  Hard to believe it’s been 20 years already, but I can honestly say I really don’t miss radio that much.  It was a mutual parting of the ways when I left K-JO; I knew I didn’t have a future there, and they were about to fire me anyway, so I took the two weeks’ severance pay they were offering and ran with it.  I interviewed at a couple other radio stations after that, and was hopeful at one point of reuniting with some of the old gang from my first radio station, KKJC-AM in Blue Springs (the “Mighty 1030”) at the newly re-launched 107.3 FM that had moved from Lexington to Independence.  Alas, I lost out on that gig to a black woman with precious little radio experience whom they were pretty much forced to hire to comply with the affirmative action thing.  Never mind that this was a Country music station and she didn’t know Johnny Cash from James Brown!  Granted, I wasn’t terribly familiar with Country music myself, but I think I coulda winged it.  Oh well, it would've just prolonged the inevitable...

Radio is a bidness that I really had no bidness being in in the first place, as I really wasn't cut out to be a DJ anyway, but I had to fall on my face, so to speak, to come to that realization.  I’m not quick on my feet, verbally, I had no ego to speak of, and was totally unprepared to move from job to job and town to town, given radio’s inherent instability. And this was 20 years ago—I can’t imagine being a freshman/sophomore DJ in today’s current unstable environment.  The radio career was fun while it lasted, but I wish I’d realized then what I know now—I should’ve pursued a career in creative writing and/or journalism.

Regrets, I’ve had a few…

IT WAS (ALMOST) 30 YEARS AGO TODAY…
…the last time I saw a fireworks tent in Raytown, but they’re back again, thanks to them being re-legalized in Raytown.  The ban first went into effect in 1980, but was so unenforceable that the city basically gave up and decided to allow non-airborne explosives to once again be sold and blown up with in the city limits, and nearby Independence recently did likewise.  Might as well—you’re not going to prevent people from shooting off fireworks this time of year anyway.  Just have to hope that no one’s house catches on fire…

THE POWER OF PRAYER?
The following letter appeared on the Op-Ed page of Sunday’s K.C. Star:

“I am a religious man, but not a fanatic.  However, whenever Billy Mays, the pitchman, does commercials, I say a little prayer that he will lose his obnoxious voice. I do not scream my prayer; I just say it in a normal voice.”—Michael Douglas, Smithville, MO

Ask and ye shall receive, evidentl.  They say timing is everything, and the above letter hit the newsstands right about the time of Billy Mays’ unexpected demise on Sunday.  No disrespect intended towards the dead, here, but I can’t say as I’ll miss the guy.  As I’ve stated before, hollering and screaming at me on TV is highly unlikely to motivate me to buy the product you’re endorsing.

HOW PROFOUND!
See if you can guess which celebrity uttered the following in 1986:  “Life is one big female safari, and Dr. Ruth is my guide.”  Keep reading, and I’ll divulge the answer below…

SIT ON IT, PONZI!
Was pleased to see this Bernie Madoff palooka get 150 years in prison for screwing all those people out of all that money, thus meaning he’ll be 221 when he gets out.  I think they ought to put his wife’s ass in prison too—she had to at least have some knowledge about the skullduggery he was into.  Oh well—buh-bye, Bernie!

CLASSIC OVERUSED MOVIE/TV CLICHÉ #21
I hate it when the cast of a TV show suddenly gets pressed into duty in some crisis situation performing tasks they don’t normally do, like working in a restaurant kitchen because the staff quits or goes on strike or something.  “Frasier” and “Are You Being Served?” are two examples of shows that tried this lame gambit that is rarely funny, and always ends in disaster.  The “Frasier” one was the worst of all, where Niles and Frasier actually thought they could RUN an upscale eatery.  Yeah, right…

I MUST HAVE MISSED THE MEMO…
…so please tell me who these Jon & Kate people are, and why the fuck should I care that they’ve broken up?  Yet another example of nobodies that this country makes famous for no palpable reason…

HOW PROFOUND?—THE ANSWER
That would be none other than my former idol, Ted Nugent, who claimed to be a disciple of Dr. Ruth when he appeared on her show back in the day—what a suck-up!  I still can’t believe everyone bought into the pablum that little twit hack was dishing out back then.  I’d sooner seek sexual advice from Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.  As you’ve no doubt noticed, celebrity “Doctors” don’t rate highly with yours truly, as in Dr. Ruth, Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, Dr. Joyce Brothers, et al.  To me, they’re all just professional celebrities with very little substance.

I found that quote in the liner notes of Nugent’s 1986 Little Miss Dangerous CD, which I borrowed from the library recently.  Ted, being his usual humble self, touted the album as “one of the sexiest, slinkiest, motherfuckingest grooves I’ve ever nuzzled out of my…guitar,” adding that “This is the audio high point of my career.”  Uh-huh.  The write-up also referred to the song “Little Miss Dangerous” as “Ted’s calling card on MTV and a Rock radio smash…”  Riiiight.  I do remember the “LMD” video getting a few spins on “Headbanger’s Ball” back in the day, but I sure don’t recall it getting any radio airplay at all, let alone the song being a “Rock radio smash”.  Instead, I remember that album as just another in the string of mediocre ‘80s platters that Terrible Ted put out, which subsequently led him to put his ego away for a while and join Damn Yankees in ’89.

KING OF DE NILE?
Get a load of what the K.C. Star’s Jason Whitlock—a sports columnist, mind you—had to say about Michael Jackson:

“…I shed tears when the text messages from friends started rolling in about Jackson’s death…I just want to enjoy Michael Jackson’s music.  I don’t want to know or debate whether he bleached his skin white.  And you’ll never convince me Michael molested children.  Never…You’ll never convince me because I’ll never take the time to research the evidence.  I won’t even listen to people discuss it…I’m sorry, I know I sound childish, but it’s impossible for me to believe that a human being who inspired so much peace, love and harmony could be capable of the heinous act of molesting a child.”

First off, I find it hard to picture a self-promoting jackass like Jason Whitlock shedding tears.  Second off, talk about putting your head in the sand and keeping it there. Regardless of whether you think MJ was guilty of improprieties, if you (Jason) want me to take you seriously as a columnist/journalist, you have be more open-minded than this!  Hell, I find it hard to believe that a brilliant music producer like Phil Spector is capable of murder, but it sure appears he was.  That’s life in the big city, unfortunately, and it‘s obvious JW is in denial in regards to Michael Jackson.  MJ had a brilliant musical career, no question, but there can be NO denying that something was clearly wrong with the man in his private life.  As for Whitlock, I agree totally with the person who posted on the Star’s website who said that Jason needs to cease writing about himself so much in his columns—he’s not nearly as “cool” as he thinks he is.  Besides, that’s what blogs like this are for…

By the way, what’s any of this got to do with sports, anyway?