Please to see my moviereview

Okay kids, I finally gave in and actually went to see Borat the other night, after a dear friend razzed me for criticizing it in one of my early blog entries without actually seeing the film.  In my defense, I wasn’t criticizing the film itself at that time so much as all the hype and hysteria surrounding it because I felt as if the whole thing was being force-fed to me.  But, being’s as I hadn’t even set foot in a movie theater in almost two years anyway, and since I strive to be fair and balanced (unlike a certain news channel that shall remain nameless here), I decided to go see what all the fuss is about.

First off, I tried to block out my preconceived notions and negative attitude and went in with an open mind, but I have to say I still wasn’t impressed with Borat.  Actually, it wasn’t totally wretched—it DID have its moments now and then, especially the slapstick scenes, like with Borat and the fat prostitute on the mechanical bull, for one—but overall, I just didn’t care for it.  I tried to like this movie (I honestly did!), but it just didn’t work for me.

I’ll say one thing, though, if Sacha Baron Cohen’s aim was to offend people, he succeeded mightily.  Although I personally wasn’t terribly offended by anything in Borat, I can see how other people would have been.  Everyone made a fuss about the film being insulting to Jews (which it was), but hell, what about the good people of Kazakhstan itself?  They were basically portrayed as a bunch of backward-ass, scrotum-scratching, white trash hicks, and somehow, I don’t think that’s exactly accurate.  Also, there was just a tad too much male nudity in this movie than I’d care to look at—shit, this thing made Brokeback Mountain seem like a Disney flick in comparison!

Normally, I love a good satire (Weird Al Yankovic, "South Park", or "M.X.C." anyone?), but this one just wasn’t the laugh riot that I look for in a satire.  It took me a while to figure out why I was so put off by the movie, but I think it comes down to the way Cohen was constantly putting people on the spot.  I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like being fucked with—even if it’s all in good fun—and watching this guy make innocent people look stupid and/or feel uncomfortable made me squirm a lot, and that’s why I didn’t find it all that funny.

So alas, all you Sacha Baron Cohen fans out there--I’m sticking to my original prognostication that he'll make the ideal opening act for William Hung in Branson (where careers go to die) for many years to come.  He’s a one-shot deal, and he'll merely be the answer to a trivia question in a couple years.  But fear not—I'm sure he'll be fondly remembered by the hack comedian wanna-be's on VH-1's "I Love The '00s" when it airs in 2010...

By the way, NINE fucking bucks a ticket now?  Geez, Louise—you can get almost half a lap dance for that much!  NOW, I remember why I don’t go to movies much anymore…