Monday, February 5, 2007

Shark Jumping 105

Put on your bell bottoms and hop aboard the Way Back Machine for some JumpTheShark moments with two iconic '70s sitcoms, "The Partridge Family" and "The Brady Bunch". Come on, get happy with me here...

—David Cassidy once commented that he found it highly amusing in the show that Reuben was always getting these "toilets" for the group to perform in, and yet they were supposedly "big stars".

—When that creepy kid next door, Ricky, got five minutes at the end of every episode to sing a song, and everybody stood around smiling at him…

—I’ve always thought a trained monkey could keep better time on a tambourine than that under-animated Raggedy Ann doll (Tracy), and could probably also be trained to smile once in a while.

—The red-haired girl…she absolutely could not act!!!  The least they could train her to do was to say a line with expression and hit a tambourine properly…

—Apparently, the powers-that-be decided that the two-head ‘chrisandtracy’ character (notice they were never seen apart after the second season) were no longer cute and appealing, so they brought in Ricky.  It’s kinda hard to be cute or appealing when your total involvement with an episode encompasses saying “Bye, Mom” as you leave for school and looking bored while pretending to play instruments and lip-synching to baritone voices.  They should have dumped Ricky (though his mom was a hoot) and given the younger kids something to do.

—What did the casting call require (re: Ricky)?  “Must have hair of Schlep Rock; must have voice of a crashing oil tanker; Must be able to sit on a stool; Must be able to upstage Tracy and Chris’s fabulous ability to stare; Must be able to fit in a bread box!”

—Anyone ever notice how it seemed like the Partridge Family were always playing venues like hotel ballrooms and convention halls for mostly middle-aged and elderly audiences?  These folks always looked like they were there to see Jerry Vale or Jim Nabors instead of a pop group.  I watched this show when I was seven, and even then the PF always seemed very out-of-place to me when they played for the Lawrence Welk/Geritol generation!

—I agree with everyone who said Oliver!!  God, what an annoying little brat!  The equivalent of Seven on “Married With Children!!”

—This show definitely jumped when that snot-nosed John Denver look-alike entered the picture.

—Oliver…Who really thought this kid was cute?  He couldn’t sing, dance, or most importantly, act.  His only attributes were a voice you could grate cheese with and an excuse to throw a pie into someone’s face…

—But my all-time beef was with Carol.  She had to be the most useless, lazy-ass I’ve ever seen.  She didn’t work, didn’t cook, never did laundry and made a big deal out of carrying a few shopping bags in the house.

As for the controversy about Robert Reed’s private life, it should have been obvious from the very beginning just by listening to the theme song: “He was busy with three boys of his own…they were four men living all together, and they were ALL ALONE”

—I think it jumped when the boys mowed Astroturf.  Why the hell would you put Astroturf in your back yard?  Don’t they know that you get injured on turf more than you do on grass?  Idiots!