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Don't worry folks, I'm still around—just haven't had the creative spark this week, much less the time to do any writing of substance, so in the interim, here's a nice little placeholder...
Back when I was young, one of my favorite things about family road trips was all the gas stations we passed and/or stopped at, and especially all the different colorful logos on the signs. I was reminded the other day of a chain of stations that once existed in the St. Louis area called Zephyr. I don't know which was cooler—their name or their logo. To the best of my knowledge, the company existed until sometime in the '90s, but I could be mistaken.
Time now for the bookend piece to my recent Best Live Album countdown—the WORST live album countdown. I have no doubt there are many others that are worse than these, but I only include those which are either in my collection or have listened to at least once...
(DIS) HONORABLE MENTIONS
Live Peace In Toronto 1969—JOHN LENNON/PLASTIC ONO BAND (1969) Side One of this album isn’t all that terrible, as JL and Eric Clapton and the boys ran through some old Rock ‘N’ Roll favorites like Carl Perkins’ "Blue Suede Shoes" and "Dizzy Miss Lizzy" in an impromptu outdoor concert for the hoseheads up north. According to legend, Lennon was quite drunk and puking his guts out backstage. He probably had to get royally ripped to deal with what went down on Side Two—Yoko Ono caterwauling for the better part of 20 minutes. JL, buddy, with all due respect, if you’re out there in the cosmos reading this, I gotta tell ya, I don’t get the whole Yoko thing. You were like a brother to most of us, and I’ve tried—I’ve really tried—to understand what you saw in her, but I just don’t get it. Screaming and hollering incoherently doesn’t require a whole lotta talent—I find it hard to believe you were proud to have your good name attached to such musical excrement.
Just Say Ozzy—OZZY OSBOURNE (1990) I never quite got why Epic issued this six-song "extended play" CD from Ozzy’s ’89 tour and made it sound like he would never perform old Sabbath songs like "War Pigs" and "Sweet Leaf" again—he still does! The CD also included three cuts from his most recent CD at the time, No Rest For The Wicked, which I thought was one of his weaker albums, apart from "Miracle Man" and "Bloodbath In Paradise", which both appear here. It was also most people’s first taste of guitarist Zakk Wylde live in concert, and of all of Ozzy’s guitarists, he’s my least favorite. His solos are always feedback-laden and too squealy for my liking, and he thinks he’s Ted Nugent, Jr. on-stage. No human is going to top Randy Rhoads, of course, but I always thought Jake E. Lee did a nice job filling his space before Wylde came along. 1992’s Live & Loud was a bit better performance from Wylde than Just Say Ozzy was.
LIVE: Right Here, Right Now—VAN HALEN (1993) This one wasn’t such a bad live album, so much as it was just really bland, especially coming from a band I expect a lot better from. VH all but re-released 1992’s equally-bland For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge album here, as Right Here included no less than nine—count ‘em—nine cuts from it. They barely even touched the OU812 album, which I thought was easily the best of the Van Hagar era, and I would’ve loved to hear live takes on "Mine All Mine", "A.F.U. (Naturally Wired)", "Black And Blue" and "Source Of Infection" instead. Even on the old favorites like "Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love" and "You Really Got Me", it sounded like Eddie and the boys were just phoning it in. Sammy Hagar singing David Lee Roth’s trademark "Jump" was downright heresy, and I wasn’t terribly impressed with the VH rendition of The Who’s "Won’t Get Fooled Again", either. I also hate that headset mic Sammy uses, too—it makes him sound like he’s singing through a CB radio. Van Halen’s 1986 "Live Without A Net" video was far superior to this dull CD.
One can only hope that somewhere in a vault out there lies the entire 1981 Oakland concert from which the three videos from Fair Warning ("Unchained", "Hear About It Later" and "So This Is Love") were shot so we can someday soon have a full-length classic live Van Halen album when they were white-hot in concert.
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10) A Little South of Sanity—AEROSMITH (1998) As good as most of their studio records are, Aerosmith’s live albums suck. This one doesn’t even sound very live at all—it certainly doesn’t take you there and make you feel like you’re at a concert. To make matters worse, there was too much lame ‘90s material on here from when all their songs started sounding alike—"Amazing", "What It Takes", "Crying" etc. "Back In The Saddle" is about the only real highlight here. I don’t own 1979’s Live Bootleg, but from what I hear, it wasn’t any better.
9) Give LIVE If You Want It (1966)/Still Life (1982)—ROLLING STONES The Book of Rock Lists (which by the way, was a big influence on the way I write countdowns like these) called Got LIVE "Very muddy tapes of teenagers screaming", and that’s pretty accurate. There is some excuse, I suppose, since the Stones were still early on in their career and didn’t know any better, but this was not one of their prouder moments. There was no such excuse for the stillborn Still Life, which was lifted from one of the Stones’ more triumphant tours—1981’s Tattoo You sojourn. You’d think they could’ve found some better performances than this (like from the film Let’s Spend The Night Together, for instance), and it just sounded like they were going through the motions on the old hits like "Satisfaction" and "Shattered". For as great as these guys are live in concert, they could never seem to put out a decent live album, apart from 1969’s Get Yer Ya-Ya’s Out.
8) Caught Live + 5—MOODY BLUES (1977) This album was merely contractual obligation fodder, featuring a 1969 concert that was poorly-recorded and didn’t do the group justice at all. The Moodies also pulled a Kiss Alive II by adding five new studio tracks (hence the +5), but unlike with Alive II, they were quite bland and weren’t the album’s salvation.
7) Who’s Last—THE WHO (1983) It’s very rare that I rip on The Who, but this was definitely NOT the way to go out, if indeed this was to be their last album. Lifted from various shows on their so-called 1982 "Farewell Tour", they should’ve just used the audio from the video of the final concert in Toronto (now itself available in its entirety on CD, btw) for Who’s Last instead—it was far superior in terms of sound and content. Other than a "We’d like to carry on…" from Roger Daltrey, there was none of the usual between-song stage banter from him or Pete Townshend on this album, and the performances were generally very flat, even for The Who. Then again, Townshend pretty much feigned enthusiasm throughout most of that tour, so it was up to Daltrey and John Entwistle to keep things from getting totally boring. I think we all knew back then that this wasn’t the end, anyway, but that’s no excuse for this half-assed assembly-line like record.
6) Live…In The Raw—W.A.S.P. (1987) Speaking of assembly-line, this album appears to have been totally manufactured in the studio with crowd noise tacked on. When I first bought it, I thought the album was legitimately live, but when I heard a live-as-it-happened radio broadcast of W.A.S.P. a couple years later and was appalled at how awful they sounded, it roused my suspicions that Live…In The Raw wasn’t so live after all. The music just sounds a little too clean for live W.A.S.P., especially the drums and bass. W.A.S.P. made some great studio LPs back in the day, but this one and their subsequent "live" release, Double-Live Assassins don’t sound very live at all. Nice try, Blackie, but it’s not nice to fool Sir Rant-A-Lot!
5) Alive II—KISS (1977) It pains me to pick on my boys here, and when this album first came out, I really thought it was the cat’s ass. I remember staying up late to hear it for the first time played in its entirety on the old "Midnight Album Hour" on KY-102 (remember that, kids?) and when it was released, I bought the record literally the second it hit the shelves at the old No Records in Raytown (remember them, folks?) as Kissteria was sweeping the nation. It sounded awesome to me back then, but Alive II hasn’t aged well at all, as its many flaws revealed themselves to me over the years. First off, I can’t believe this album was produced by the same guy who did Alive!, the ubiquitous Eddie Kramer (who also worked on the Woodstock soundtrack), because the difference is like night and day. The crowd noise is amped-up far too much (even worse than on Cheap Trick At Budokan), and as we came to find out later, a couple of songs that were supposedly part of this August, 1977 L.A. Forum concert were actually done in the studio, namely "Hard Luck Woman" and "Tomorrow And Tonight". The rest of the album sounds awfully doctored-up too, especially the vocals. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I don’t understand why Kiss didn’t just use the audio from the Houston Summit shows done a month later that now appear on the Kissology DVD series, or even the April ’77 Budokan concerts from Tokyo—there were some mistakes here and there, but those shows are a whole lot better sonically and mix-wise.
The only saving grace on Alive II was the fine five-song studio side that included Paul Stanley's "All-American Man", Gene Simmons' "Larger Than Life" and Ace Frehley’s "Rocket Ride". Kiss might’ve been better served to record four or five more new tracks in addition to these and put out a new full-length studio album in the interim before the infamous Kiss solo albums came out in the fall of ’78.
4) Absolutely Live—THE DOORS (1970) Might wanna get a second opinion on that title, because they sounded positively dead in places here. Jim Morrison was an erratic performer even on his best nights and he tended to dog it sometimes, so I imagine it was difficult to find really stellar live performances from him in one entire concert. Absolutely was recorded after Mr. Mojo’s infamous indecent exposure incident in Miami, which he makes reference to by saying "Tonight you are in for a special treat…" before introducing "Close To You" (no, not the Carpenters song), which was sung by keyboardist Ray Manzarek. I use the term "sung" loosely, as Brother Ray sings about as well as I Riverdance (or about as well as Fredo Corleone handled a firearm). Another song took up an entire album side here—I hate that! They might’ve been better served to tape some lives shows in ’67 or ’68 before Mojo got too pretentious and self-indulgent.
3) Black Sabbath—Live Evil (1982) Sabbath lost the 1982 live album competition to Ozzy’s Speak Of The Devil quite handily with what I like to call Live Vile. Actually the post-Ozzy stuff on here wasn’t so bad, especially "Neon Knights" and maybe "Mob Rules", but Ronnie James Dio singing Ozzy’s songs was every bit as ludicrous as Hagar singing DLR’s "Jump", especially on "N.I.B", "Iron Man" and "Paranoid". Dio’s and Ozzy’s vocal styles are just so radically different and are hardly interchangeable. Musically, this album sounded really flat too—go with the 1999 Reunion CD if you want to hear some balls-to-the-wall live Black Sabbath.
2) The Song Remains The Same—LED ZEPPELIN (1976) Live Led Zeppelin has always been a dicey proposition. I’ve heard more crappy live Zep than good live Zep over the years from various sources, although some better stuff has surfaced on their recent double-DVD release a couple years ago. The best Zep live recording I ever heard is one I taped off the radio from circa., 1971 where they opened with "The Immigrant Song" and it sounded great. Too often though in Zeppelin shows, Jimmy Page’s guitar always sounds woefully out-of-tune and the band goes off on these long tangents in the middle of some songs. Song Remains featured a lackluster 1973 performance from Madison Square Garden and the show commenced with "Rock And Roll", which came off really flat, pretty much setting the tone for the entire gig. The album is full of LZ’s typical self-indulgent jams—fifteen minutes to do "Whole Lotta Love" and damn near half an hour to play "Dazed And Confused"? Come on! Oddly enough, a couple of the songs they filmed but omitted from the soundtrack actually came off better, like "Black Dog" and "The Ocean" (which appears on the new DVD set). This was a monumentally-disappointing album.
1) Intensities In 10 Cities—TED NUGENT (1981) Nugent’s biggest career mistake, one which I’ve chronicled a couple other times already on this blog. Being the smart-ass that he is, Ted thought it would be cute to put out a live album of ten all-new songs, each one recorded in a different city on tour—hence the title. Ted forgot to include one crucial ingredient—the actual intensity! Whereas 1978’s Double Live Gonzo! was Nugent’s tour de force live album, Intensities packed all the intensity of a Sunday morning TV fishing show. I was anticipating this album to be Ted’s Alive II, so to speak, to include material from Weekend Warriors, State of Shock and Scream Dream (and maybe Free-For-All, which was snubbed on Gonzo!), but instead we were treated to mindless drivel like "The Flying Lip-Lock" and "My Love Is Like A Tire Iron" and a silly rendition of Wilson Pickett’s "Land of 1,000 Dances" that Ted had no business singing. About the only decent tracks were "Heads Will Roll" and the instrumental "TNT Overture". Luckily in 1997, Epic Records saw fit to re-issue Nugent’s 1979 appearance on "King Biscuit Flower Hour" on the Live At Hammersmith ‘79 CD, when Sweaty Teddy’s intensity was still legit.
...ask what YOU can do for your blogger! :-)~
THE BATTLE RAGES ON
Leave it to the anti-abortionists to use a college graduation ceremony as a political football during Pres. Obama’s guest appearance at Notre Dame over the weekend. What should’ve been a time of celebration and hope for the future gets dragged through the mud instead by a bunch of opportunistic religious zealots. What does abortion have to do with a commencement ceremony anyway? I find it pretty strange that even the President isn’t welcome to speak somewhere in his own country.
I’m unabashedly pro-choice myself, and a big reason why is these clowns who hide behind their Bibles and go around making warped claims like “Obama is killing children,” as this bozo I saw on TV Monday did. Obama isn’t killing anyone! And if the anti-abortion camp would bother to listen to Obama’s stance, they’d hear that he’s not crazy about it either, and wants to limit it as much as possible without banning it altogether. Although I understand where the Pro-Lifers are coming from to a certain extent, I put many of them in the same boat as Rev. Fred Phelps and his merry band of Neolithic dipshits because many of them are so strident and unreasonable in their beliefs and go around demonizing everyone who voices an opposing view to the point where I don’t know how to deal with them. The late brother Carlin was so right when he said, “Have you ever noticed that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t wanna fuck in the first place?...There’s such balance in nature!”
Being as I have no desire to have children myself, I’m probably the wrong person to pose this question, but just how many of you self-righteous Pro-Lifers out there would be willing to adopt (or already have adopted) unwanted children? A pretty low percentage, I bet. Conversely, how many of you are in favor of the death penalty? A whole boatload, I bet! I’d also be willing to bet that not everyone in that student body at ND is Pro-Life, either. And just like the conflict in the Middle East, abortion is an argument that will never go away…
OHHHH-BAMA!
President O. got the last laugh over the Notre Dame thing, when he remarked to the university president that this weekend’s hoop-de-doo “paled in comparison to what to do about the football team…That’s an issue we may not resolve within my four years.” Being the renowned Fighting Irish despiser that I am, it makes me almost wanna kiss the man! Almost…
BY GEORGE, HE’S GOT IT!
Although some were offended, I personally loved former Royal George Brett’s profanity-laced tirade on local news Monday when he went off about recent criticism of current Royals skipper Trey Hillman. Perhaps GB should’ve used a tad more tact, given the situation (and evidently he was quite sober at the time), but I totally agree with his message that Hillman gets unfairly ripped at every turn for his handling of the Royals, never mind that they’re three games over .500 and one game out of first place in May—something that’s rarely happened here since the Bush I administration! Yes, Hillman gets burned on his aggressive moves now and then, and doesn’t always handle pitching changes efficiently (mostly involving Kyle Farnsworth), but I’m pleased with his work overall—it’s a damn sight better than the Tony Muser/Tony Pena/Buddy Bell era.
sThe local media hacks Brett mentioned by name—Roger Twibell, Jack Harry and Kevin Keitzman—are all a bunch of self-serving opportunistic grandstanders merely out to stir the pot and generate ratings for themselves. Twibell’s biggest claim to fame around here is calling Chiefs preseason games on TV (big whoop!) and his morning radio show wallows in its own ratings feces. Keitzman is an arrogant phony on sports talk radio too, and Jack Harry (not to be confused with jive actress Jackée Harry, who is just about as equally-irrelevant) is way past his prime as a TV sports anchor, and the older he gets, the more pompous he gets. And the rest of the K.C. area sports yak realm is filled with a bunch of junior Bulldog Briscoes who think they can manage a Major League ballclub any ol’ day. Like the late Bon Scott of AC/DC used to sing, “I tell ya, folks, it’s harder than it looks…”
FAREWELL, GREAT KORNHOLIO!
ESPN did what I’d been suggesting for months now by removing Tony Kornheiser from the “Monday Night Football” broadcast team, replacing him with former Tampa and Oakland head coach Jon Gruden. They spin-doctored Kornheiser’s dismissal enough to make it sound like it all stems from his fear of flying, but I think we all know better—he got sacked because he sucked! I don’t know why ABC/ESPN keeps trying to re-create the ‘70s by hiring some pseudo-Howard Cosell personality for the broadcast booth—it just doesn’t work. The Cosell/Meredith/Gifford team was lightning in a bottle and not something that can (or should) be duplicated, certainly not in this modern era. Gruden is an unknown commodity here, but I have no doubt ol’ Chuckie will still be a major upgrade on MNF next season, and now Kornheiser can go back to making an ass out of himself five days a week on "PTI". Try and do better the next time, eh Tony?
DUHHHH! WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?
Major League Baseball is also doing something I’ve been suggesting all along by moving up the start times of World Series games by nearly 40 minutes, starting this fall. This way, the games won’t end at damn near Midnight, Eastern Time—or in some cases, Midnight, Central Time. Fox Sports has also agreed to move their pre-game show up to 7:30 Eastern, instead of 8:00. I say eliminate the damn thing altogether and start the friggin’ games at 7:30! The World Series is something that should need no hype anyway…
GET OUT OF DENVER, BABY—GO, GO!
Seems the Denver McNuggets bassit-ball team has a conflict at their home arena, the Pepsi Center, for their playoff game on Monday with the Lakers. Evidently, that vaunted seat of sporting integrity, the WWE, is already booked for that night, and they don’t seem to want to relinquish the venue, even though they’ve only sold 10,000 tickets—roughly half of Pepsi Center’s capacity—for the wrasslin’ event. 10,000? I had no idea there was that much White Trash in Colorado, but I digress. Why not move the wrestling to Red Rocks or something? Better yet, just cancel it altogether…we'll all be better off for it.
BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID…
Out new Clinical Engineering manager at the MRI clinic I work at doesn’t seem to understand the concept of the automatic door-closer. Every time she enters my work area, she always pushes the door herself instead of letting it close on its own. If anything, constantly pushing on it will foul the closer up in the long run. And she’s supposed to know the inner workings of a CT scanner? This same woman almost recently proceeded to march into our MRI room carrying metal tools before she was stopped by the techs just in time before the metal got sucked into the magnet. Obee-Kaybee…
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #114
“Bawitdaba”—KID ROCK (1998) “Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy.” They used to play this piece de caca on the P.A. at Chiefs games all time at Arrowhead, and the first time I heard it, I thought he was singing “dicky dicky dicky” instead of “diggy” x 3. Thus, I couldn’t help but wonder what team this asshat in a hat was pitching for…
"10-4 ON THAT CHOKE-‘N’-PUKE…"
During a nostalgia discussion at work the other day, the subject of road trips, and specifically, Stuckey’s legendary Pecan Log Rolls, came up. I never partook of said delicacy myself, mostly because I’m allergic to chocolate and peanuts, but since they always looked like big turds on those Stuckey’s highway billboard signs, I doubt if I would have tried them anyway! Surprisingly, Stuckey’s still exists, mostly in the Southeast and lower Midwest, with a few locations scattered about Kansas and Missouri. But, what was once a restaurant chain has basically been reduced to glorified convenience stores, many with Dairy Queens attached to them.
That discussion also reminded me of Stuckey’s main competitor back in the ‘70s, the Nickerson Farms chain that aligned itself with Skelly gasoline. According to Wikipedia, NF was started by a disgruntled Stuckey’s manager-type who had issues with that company’s rules and regulations, which partially explains why there always seemed to be a Nickerson joint within about five or so miles of every Stuckey’s along the interstate! I got a chuckle one night while watching an old NFL Films highlight reel featuring the AFL Denver Broncos on their own practice field—in the shadow of a Nickerson Farms store looming in the background.
Nickersons bought the farm sometime in the early ‘80s, but you can’t miss those old stores that are still standing today and littering the Interstates, like the one in the above pic, with others being reused as truck stop restaurants or serving as gi-normous fireworks stands. As for the Indian cat depicted here, I can’t help but wonder if that’s his reaction to the Nickerson menu fare…
COMING SOON…
…to a blog near you, the companion piece to my Best Live Album countdown—the Worst Live Album countdown! And it might surprise you that both Kiss and The Who appear on it…
Another milestone for da Comet!
FARRAH’S END?
I watched “Farrah’s Story” on NBC last night, the documentary about actress Farrah Fawcett’s on-going battle with cancer. Although I was never a big fan of Farrah—I was more partial to Jaclyn Smith and Kate Jackson on “Charlie’s Angels”—it’s still very sad to watch yet another ‘70s icon slipping away from us. FF wasn’t much of an actress, really, and it seems like she’s remembered more for her hair than her acting ability. Seems strangely ironic that Fawcett is now minus what she was most famous for—her trademark hair. It’s also easy to forget that she only appeared on “Charlie’s Angels” for one season before leaving in a contract dispute. But, Farrah definitely helped many a young man through puberty in the late ‘70s, especially those who owned THE POSTER. I didn’t have one myself, but a neighbor kid did. I don’t know why I remember this, but “Tomorrow Show” host Tom Snyder had the damnedest time pronouncing Farrah’s name—he kept calling her Fur-RAH Fawcett-Majors, back in the day.
Last night’s show was quite poignant, and I admire Farrah for baring it all, so to speak, and discussing her illness so publicly. However, my cynical side can’t help but wonder if all the publicity she’s been getting over the past couple weeks saying she’s now at death’s door is merely a TV ratings ploy. Totally not her fault, of course, but it IS the May Sweeps, after all, and Kate Jackson herself was quoted this week as saying that while Farrah isn't in the greatest of health right now, the media reports that she is circling the drain were/are inaccurate. And I also can’t help but wonder if Ryan O’Neal isn’t just milking this thing for all it’s worth in an attempt to repair his tarnished image a bit and make him look like a hero at the same time. O’Neal’s been a real knucklehead over the years (as have his kids) and this sure smacks of damage control to me. Either way, let’s hope maybe there’s a miracle out there with Farrah’s name on it.
SHE’S SO SQUARE (BABY I DON’T CARE?)
While awaiting severe weather updates Wednesday, I found myself inadvertently watching the ever-vapid “Entertainment Tonight”, which showed singer Marie Osmond bitching about actress Valerie Bertinelli for having the audacity to wear a bathing suit to show off her recent weight loss in TV ads and such. “I don’t want to see a 49-year-old woman in a bikini,” Marie squawked. This coming from a 49-going-on-50-year-old woman showing off her new figure in fishnet stockings in her own recent weight-loss print ads—now you tell me, which is more age-appropriate? I thought good little Mormans didn’t wear such decadent apparel. This also coming from the same 49-going-on-50-year-old woman who had a man’s face just inches from her crotch on “Dancing With The Stars” last year. Marie Osmond is a beautiful gal alright, but she’s such a freakin’ fuddy-duddy—lighten up (and I don’t mean your weight) already! As for the divine Ms. Bert-‘n’-Ernie, er uh, Bertinelli, even though I’m not all that much into chicks in bikinis, if she can still look good in one at her age (and she most certainly does), then more power to her, I say.
SHIRLEY YOU JEST!
Come on, get naked? If the rumors are true, that’s what "Partridge Family" star Shirley Jones plans to do for Playboy. At age 75?!? While I have no doubt that Hef’s having trouble selling magazines these days, this smacks of sheer desperation. Susan Dey, maybe, but Shirley Jones? Oy! I wonder if this means Rueben Kincaid will be posing for Playgirl too.
I DON’T NEED NO DOCTOR
Not that I needed any further proof what a big fat phony Dr. Laura is, but this photo confirms it. Yes, let’s get out and honor Mom—never mind that this quack was estranged from her own mother and did not speak to her for the last 30 years of her life. Her mother died alone and wasn’t even discovered until like three months later—what could be more pathetic than that? You can read all about it at FindADeath.com. It’s hypocrites like Dr. Laura who give legit psychologists and therapists a bad rap—I’d sooner seek mental health advice from Screech on “Saved By The Bell”…
END OF AN ERA
When Chrysler announced it was closing about 25% of its dealers nationwide the other day, this included not one, but three dealerships right here in Raytown. The Crawford auto group has been a presence here for well over 40 years, and Mitch Crawford’s Holiday Chrysler-Plymouth has been a fixture at Gregory and 350 Hiway as long as I can remember. The Crawfords also have a separate Dodge dealer just up the road and a Jeep dealer they inherited when American Motors dissolved in the ‘80s. I don’t really give a rip about Chrysler—I’m more of a Chevy and Ford kind of guy—but it’s still kinda sad.
BACK IN CLASS AGAIN
I’ve been doing a little time-travel on the DVD front this month about 40 years back to ABC’s “Room 222”, which just came out recently. I only have vague memories of the show from when I was a kid, mostly because I remember watching the first five minutes of the show every Friday following “The Partridge Family”—and getting bored with it! I was only six at the time, so I didn’t relate well to high school drama, but the show holds up surprisingly well after four decades. It was one of the first prime-time network series to incorporate multiple black characters in it, and the storylines are still relevant in today’s world, even though the culture is different now. Half the fun of watching “222” is to see the clothes people wore back then, not to mention all the afros! Disappointingly, the video and audio quality are rather poor on the DVD set, especially the first disc, where it was like watching TV through a window screen.
I, TAKE THEE RACHEL...
I wish to hell I had, too, because filly horse Rachel Alexandra won the Freakness, er uh, Preakness Stakes today at Pimlico, and I'd have won some moolah! While it's not quite in the same category as Danica Patrick winning the Indy 500—five other fillies have won the Preakness before—it's still kinda cool to see. Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird's strategy of lollygagging in last place until halfway through before turning on the afterburners didn't quite work this time, as he finished a close second.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #113
“Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”—THE BEATLES (1967)/ELTON JOHN (1975) “With plasticine porters with looking-glass ties.” For the longest time, I thought they were plasticine horses! Hell, I didn't even know what plasticine was, anyway. Even though the Beatles’ version is a classic, I’ve always been more partial to Elton’s take on it, since his was the one I heard first and grew up on. Good thing I didn’t grow up on the William Shatner version!
ROLL ME A DOOBIE, SCOOBY!
One point I neglected to mention about Frampton Comes Alive! in my live album countdown a couple posts back: Did anyone else ever notice the uncanny resemblance of the intro to the song “Doobie Wah” to the Doobie Brothers’ “Listen To The Music”? I always wondered if this was a Freudian slip on Pete’s part, or if indeed he was paying homage to the Brothers Doobie in that song.
The good Dr. Sardonicus sent me a heartfelt and much-appreciated response to my recent series of posts regarding my love-life and I want to expand a bit more on it because he raised some excellent points.
I admire that you had the guts to bare your soul like this.
It seems to me that you have met a couple of women who could have given you the relationship you desire, but for one stumbling block-they wanted children, and you didn't. Again, it was admirable that you were up-front with Rose when so many other men would have led her on and gotten some poon for a few months before breaking the news they didn't want kids. The reason jerks get laid is that they're willing to say anything to get what they want, and they don't care who gets hurt in the long term. I'm afraid that children are going to remain the main obstacle for you in finding a long-term relationship. Most of the women you meet within your age range from here on out will have children from previous relationships, though by now many of them will be grown. Not saying you won't meet a woman in the 35-45 age range who neither has children nor wants any, but you're narrowing your choices considerably. Also, you've lived alone for so long now that sharing your home would be a major adjustment for you. At the same time, you've been able to travel and have other experiences that would not necessarily been possible had you fallen in love and married. You get to do pretty much anything you want when you're single. I'd say enjoy life, and take things as they come, and you just might yet find who you're looking for.
Like I say, there hasn’t even been anyone to come along in years that’s even remotely interested me, kids or no kids, and I find that troubling. If I were merely looking to get laid, I’d have taken care of that years ago. I'm sure I could've found someone who was an "easy lay" or frequented an escort service, but that's just not my style. I guess I’m a bit old-fashioned in this regard, because to me, sex is something you earn. As my underwhelming experience with Lisa #1 taught me, sex is pretty empty unless you have strong feelings for the other person, therefore I don’t go around sticking my Li'l General in just anyone. Besides, having mutual strong feelings for each other heightens the sexual experience exponentially.
As for not wanting kids, I do realize it severely limits my prospects, but I know my own limitations, and I just don’t function well around children, much less have any desire to help raise them. And I know this sounds incredibly selfish on my part, but if and when I do find a new significant other, I want her all to myself, without all the distractions. After 25 some-odd years of virtual starvation in terms of relationships, can you blame me? You’re right—being single, I’ve been very lucky and have done a lot of cool things in my life in terms of travel, attending concerts, sporting events and so forth, but I’d gladly trade a few of those experiences for some genuine love and affection from someone. Hell, traveling with a female co-pilot would be even more fun for me. Also, part of my motivation for remodeling my house is to make it a little more aesthetically-pleasing with an eye toward having female company again someday.
Maybe I have been too picky sometimes in looking for a partner, but I think that’s born out of wanting to avoid falling into the same trap my parents and my brother (and to a lesser extent, my sister) did by settling for the first one that came along and gave them the time of day. Mom and Dad, and my brother and his wife basically painted themselves into their own corners and now just put up with each other in miserable marriages instead of having the balls to end them. Having witnessed this for all these years, I’d rather be alone than settle for just a warm body. Relationships are so foreign to me that I sometimes wonder if it’s worth the bother, yet I still have a strong desire to connect with a woman again, and I find the window of opportunity rapidly closing on me. I know I’m only 44 (going on 45) and hopefully still have plenty of good years ahead of me, but I want have a relationship again before I get too old to fully enjoy it physically.
It just snuck up on me recently that nearly ten years has elapsed since that special time I spent with Stacy, and I find that very depressing—a lot of good years gone to waste. Maybe it’ll be worth the wait, but I can't help but wonder why I've been on the shelf so long. I’ve tried to figure out how much of this inactivity is my own fault and how much is just purely bad luck. I know I need to get out of the house a little more and find some new activities that lend themselves to socializing—something besides band gigs at bars and bowling—but I’m not sure where to turn. I know I also need to work on my physical appearance, i.e., drop some friggin’ weight and dress a little better, to help attract someone. While I’m not the most approachable person in the world and—as this blog attests—I can be a tad opinionated now and then, once you get to know me, I don’t think I’m a bad guy, really. I bathe regularly, I’m a gentleman with the ladies, and I’m not a violent person, but it's like there's this force-field around me that prevents potential partners from getting through.
When it comes to relationships, I feel just like Robert DeNiro in Awakenings—I only get to awaken intermittently. Like Springsteen sang in "Human Touch", "I know I ain’t nobody’s bargain…" but I'd like to think I can still make someone happy.
Time to salute one of my favorite genres of Rock music, the almighty live concert album. Back in the day, it was always a rite of passage for major bands to release a live record (often a "double-live" album) to mark a certain pinnacle of their career. There are so many good ones in my collection that I found it hard to narrow the list down to 20, so there are some very worthy candidates missing here, like S.R.V’s Live Alive, Journey’s Captured and Foghat Live. Now, Dr. S., before you get all righteous on me, Get Your Ya-Ya's Out didn’t make my list mainly because I don’t actually own it, therefore I can’t really comment on it. From what I hear, though, it’s easily the best live record the Stones ever made…
Honorable Mentions
Fandango!—Z.Z. TOP (1975) Only half of this album is live, while the other half is studio, and both halves were pretty damn good. The live side features the raucous 10-minute "Backdoor Medley" during which Rev. Billy Gibbons delivers a fine sermon, both vocally and on guitar. You also get to hear bassist Dusty Hill scream out "Jailhouse Rock" in honor of his idol, The King. What confounds me to this day is considering how good Z.Z. Top was/is live in concert, why in blue blazes didn’t they ever put out a proper full-length live album during their heyday? Ditto goes for Van Halen, too.
Woodstock Soundtrack (1970) Since there are so many different artists here, by its nature, this three-record set couldn’t help but be inconsistent. There were plenty of highs, though—and not just in the crowd—like Jimi Hendrix’s legendary take on "The Star-Spangled Banner", Sly & The Family Stone’s "Let Me Take You Higher", as well as The Who’s "We’re Not Gonna Take It/See Me Feel Me" and Jefferson Airplane’s "Volunteers", not to mention Joe Cocker's epileptic fit on "With A Little Help From My Friends". Could’ve been even better if the record company had been allowed to include CCR’s appearance, but you can thank their dickhead record label boss for that. They even put out a Woodstock II album later on, but from what I understand, it was for die-hards only who just had to have everything.
The Concert for Bangla-Desh—GEORGE HARRISON (1972) Another star-studded affair that had its highs and lows. On the low side, you had Ravi Shankar’s instrumental section on Side One. While I do respect brother George’s appeal to the assembled crowd at Madison Square Garden to approach the eastern Indian music with an open mind, I can’t help but find it rather irritating in the same way others find polkas or bagpipes to be annoying. As for the highs, you had Harrison himself playing his better tunes like "Here Comes The Sun" (acoustically with the boys from Badfinger), "My Sweet Lord" and "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" (along with Eric Clapton), although he didn’t perform my favorite, "What Is Life?". You also had a five-song set from Bob Dylan that the audience just ate up, and a very entertaining rendition of the Coasters’ "Youngblood" by Leon Russell. You even got to hear Ringo flub the words (twice) to "It Don’t Come Easy"—a song he wrote himself! My other bitch is how George contrived to make this a three-record set (to wit, more expensive) when the material could’ve easily fit onto a conventional two-record set with room to spare. For instance, Side Six contains only two songs, and they clock in at less than seven-and-half minutes! Like Woodstock, Bangla-Desh is a very mixed bag.
Cheap Trick At Budokan (1979)/Budokan II (1993)—CHEAP TRICK Here’s a classic "live" album that would rate a lot higher with me but for some integrity issues. Knowing now what we didn’t know back then about CT’s "live" version of The Beatles’ "Day Tripper" released in 1980, which the band later admitted was totally a studio creation with overdubbed crowd noise, it makes me wonder how much—if any—of Budokan was truly recorded live. CTAB wasn’t a bad album, mind you, but the more I listen to it, the more fake it sounds. To make matters worse, some cuts on the CD version differ in places from those on the original vinyl version, like at the end of "Clock Strikes Ten" when Robin Zander’s voice craps out—it didn’t do that on the original LP—and the trade-off solo break at the end of "Ain’t That A Shame" sounds totally different and downright weird. The bookend 1993 Budokan II CD that featured the rest of the concert (if indeed it really was a concert) actually sounded better without the crowd noise so amped-up that all those shrieking nubile Japanese girls nearly drowned everything else out (like on the first record) and it featured even better songs like "Stiff Competition", "Elo Kiddies" and "Auf Wiedersehen".
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20) Frampton Comes Alive!—PETER FRAMPTON (1976) Yes, this thing was a monster in terms of sales and it made Pete the poster child for rapid career rise-and-fall, but content-wise, I’ve always found Comes Alive! rather inconsistent, therefore it doesn’t rate higher on my list. After years in obscurity, Frampton finally got to display what a fine guitarist he is here, if not the greatest songwriter in the world—"Someone drops a cup and I submerge"—what the hell does that mean?!? "Show Me The Way", "Baby, I Love Your Way" and "Do You Feel (Like We Do)" became radio staples, of course, and tracks like "Shine On", "Something’s Happening" and "It’s A Plain Shame" were standouts, but I found the rest of the record to be rather so-so—PF might’ve been better off just releasing a single live album featuring the better cuts instead of a double. I’ve also heard in more than one place that this album might’ve gotten the Budokan treatment too—i.e., totally manufactured in the studio with crowd noise overdubbed—but I’ve never confirmed that claim. Randy, Dr. S.—any takers on that one? I think it's live myself, but there's still that seed of doubt. Sad and strange irony, also, that two of PF’s band members from this record, drummer John Siomos and longtime keyboardist Bob Mayo, died within five weeks of each other in 2004.
19) Return To Paradise—STYX (1998) Styx made a surprising comeback in the late ‘90s, and this double-CD documents their wildly successful 1997 Return To Paradise tour. The inner friction that had already resurfaced within the band was not evident at all here, and this was a far better record than Styx’s first live release, 1984’s Caught In The Act from the dreaded Kilroy Was Here tour. If anything, Styx should’ve done their live record off the original Paradise Theater tour instead, but Return didn’t suck. Highlights included "Rockin’ The Paradise", "Lady" and "Lorelei" among many others. Can’t they all just get along?
18) Hiatt Comes Alive At Budokan (1994)/Live From Austin, TX (2006)—JOHN HIATT I lump these two releases together because they both come from Hiatt’s 1993 tour in support of his finest album ever, Perfectly Good Guitar. John’s band featured guitarist Michael Ward from School of Fish and the rhythm section of bassist Davey Faragher and drummer Michael Urbano from Cracker, and the four of them worked well to give Hiatt a much edgier sound that really appealed to me. Budokan, with its parody title and cover photo, was the "official" release to fulfill Hiatt’s contract at A&M Records, while Austin was lifted straight from Hiatt’s appearance on PBS’s "Austin City Limits" program, and between the two, they do a nice job of covering most of the bases in Big John’s career to that point. The Perfectly Good Guitar album is well-represented on both CDs, and young master Ward just smoked on the title track thereof. True story here: I was listening to the Austin CD on the way from Memphis to Nashville a couple years ago, and when I hit the Buffalo River bridge on I-40, right on cue, the song "Buffalo River Home" started playing. Hiatt lives in Nashville, so I’m sure that’s what he referred to in the song.
17) One More For/From The Road—LYNYRD SKYNYRD (1976) Molly Hatchet guitarist Dave Hlubek once stated that Lynyrd Skynyrd "were white-hot on-stage," and had they finished their ill-fated 1977 U.S. tour, "they would’ve been the Led Zeppelin of America." Hard to argue with that statement, especially considering Skynyrd put out a far better live album in '76 than Zep’s overblown The Song Remains The Same. One band I wish I could’ve seen live in their prime is Lynyrd Skynyrd, and I’m not even sure One More even did the band total justice in displaying how good they truly were live, but it’s close enough. "Gimme Three Steps" was one of the highlights here, and while I normally balk at 14-minute cuts on live albums, I didn’t mind "Free Bird" being stretched out a bit, since it holds one’s interest throughout. It still amazes me that the late Allen Collins played that entire freakin’ guitar solo by himself.
16) Live Bullet—BOB SEGER & THE SILVER BULLET BAND (1976) The Bicentennial was a banner year for double-live albums, what with Frampton’s, Zeppelin’s and Skynyrd’s offerings, as well as the lingering effect of Kiss' Alive! from the previous Fall (keep reading) and here was yet another double-live classic. Seger is another guy I deeply regret not being able to see live in person in concert during his heyday, and I get the impression this album gave a pretty good taste of what an energetic performer he could be. It’s also interesting that the versions "Travelin’ Man/Beautiful Loser", "Ramblin' Gamblin' Man" and "Turn The Page" off Bullet are better-remembered than the studio originals. "Katmandu" and "Let It Rock" were good examples of the frenzy Seger and the Silver Bullets could whip a crowd into, to the point where Bob had to plead for the folks down front to step back and give a little space. And let's not forget my all-time Seger fave, "Get Out Of Denver". Much more consistent than Frampton Comes Alive!, Bullet did a fine job of summing up Seger’s career to that point.
15) Made In Japan—DEEP PURPLE (1973) The Book of Rock Lists deemed MIJ to be the "Greatest live Heavy Metal album ever made." Not sure it’s quite that good, but it definitely had its moments, especially the opening track "Highway Star", which blows the studio version away. Between keyboardist Jon Lord and guitarist Ritchie Blackmore trading blistering solos and singer Ian Gillan screaming like a banshee, you won’t find a much better concert-starter than this one to hit the ground running with. Japan also contains the definitive version of "Smoke On The Water" as the album’s centerpiece, and it also blows away its original, as does "Space Truckin’", although I coulda done without the extra 15-minute jam they tacked on to it in favor of some other songs, like say, "Speed King". That’s where I give Made In Japan a few demerits—too much self-indulgence and extended jams. Seems to me like you can fit way more than seven songs into an hour and 15 minutes.
14) Reunion—BLACK SABBATH (1999) What a pleasant surprise this double-CD was! After such a long time apart, it was anyone’s guess how well Ozzy Osbourne and the Sabs (Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler and Bill Ward) would co-exist again on tour. Ward, especially, was a big question mark considering he hadn’t played a lengthy tour with Sabbath since the ‘70s because of his on-again/off-again drug problems, but BW was clean, lean and sober and could still pack a wallop on the drums after all. Ozzy couldn’t hit the high notes like he used to (particularly noticeable on "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" and "Spiral Architect"), and he did one too many "let me see your hands" for my liking, but otherwise sounded great. Iommi and Butler were stalwarts, as usual, and it amazes me how much noise just two guys with guitars can make.
13) Anywhere, USA—LITTLE VILLAGE (1992) Okay, this one’s a bootleg, but I’m including it anyway because it’s quite good. Nick Lowe, John Hiatt, Ry Cooder and drummer Jim Keltner formed a poor man’s supergroup of sorts in the early ‘90s and put out one album in 1991. I was already very familiar with the work of Mr. Lowe and I knew of Cooder’s prowess on the guitar, but Little Village introduced me to Hiatt’s humorous songwriting ability on such songs as "She Runs Hot" and "Don’t Think About Her (When You’re Trying To Drive)". Recorded at San Francisco’s now-defunct Warfield Theater on the one and only tour the band did, Anywhere, USA features songs from that album, as well as solo hits from the three mainstays like Nick’s "Half A Boy And Half A Man", John’s "Thing Called Love" and Ry’s version of Elvis’ "Little Sister". For a bootleg, the sound is excellent, apart from Cooder’s vocal mic being a bit lost in the mix. Well worth it, if you can snag a copy somewhere.
12) Tribute—OZZY OSBOURNE/RANDY RHOADS (1987) Ozzy was all set to release this live recording sometime in 1982 to capitalize on the unexpected success of his first two solo albums, Blizzard Of Ozz and Diary Of A Madman. That plan came crashing down (literally) with the untimely death of guitar wonder Randy Rhoads on March 19th of ’82. To his credit, Ozzy refused to release anything else at the time involving Rhoads, not wanting to appear to be cashing in on tragedy, even though he owed CBS Records a live album at the time, which eventually resulted in Speak Of The Devil (see below). Ozzy waited for a more suitable time to unleash this excellent recording—culled from a series of late 1981 concerts—and in a classy move, insisted that the album be co-credited to Rhoads. The Ozz-Man can be a real goof sometimes, but you have to give him credit for his loyalty. What’s scary is I think this was only a taster of what this Rhoads kid could do, as he was riffing from the get-go on "I Don’t Know" and never let up. Randy’s superb live take on "Children Of The Grave" is far better than just about any live Black Sabbath version I’ve ever heard, too. The only true disappointment is one of my favorites, "Over The Mountain", wasn’t included here, but we can’t have everything.
11) Tripping The Live Fantastic (1990)/Paul Is Live (1994)—PAUL McCARTNEY These two are about as close as you’ll get to a live Beatles concert without shrieking girls drowning out the music. Say what you will about Paul’s post-Beatles output—which runs the gamut from outstanding ("Jet", "Junior's Farm", "Hi Hi Hi") to putrid ("Ebony And Ivory", "Say, Say, Say", "No More Lonely Nights")—but the man puts on an excellent concert and these CD releases reflect that. Tripping is worth it for "Hey Jude" alone, as well as "Get Back", "Can’t Buy Me Love" and "Back In The U.S.S.R.". Paul Is Live is the only live concert CD (that I know of, anyway) that was partially recorded at a show I attended, as four songs from Big Macca’s 1993 Arrowhead Stadium show made the cut here, including "Drive My Car" and (naturally) "Kansas City".
10) No Sleep ‘Til Hammersmith (1980)/No Sleep At All (1988)/Everything Louder Than Everything Else (1998)—MOTORHEAD Hammersmith features original guitarist "Fast" Eddie Clarke and drummer "Philthy Animal" Taylor on early Motorhead favorites like "Ace Of Spades", "Bomber" and "The Chase Is Better Than The Catch". They continued the No Sleep series in ’88 on No Sleep At All with guitarists Phil "Zoom" Campbell and Wurzel at a concert recorded in Finland—"It’s too fucking hot in this freezing country!" bassist Lemmy groans. At All covered the middle period of the band with tracks like "Dr. Rock", "Eat The Rich" and "Deaf Forever". Then ten years later, Louder featured the latter-day Motorhead lineup of Cambpell, Lemmy and drummer Mikkey Dee. An excellent career-spanning double-CD, Louder contains dusted-off old favorites like "Dead Men Tell No Tales", as well as more recent Motorhead classics like "I’m So Bad (Baby I Don’t Care)", "On Your Feet Or On Your Knees" and "Overnight Sensation". All three albums are about as testosterony as you can legally get and guaranteed to make your ears bleed and kill your lawn.
9) Oslo-Wichita Live—THE RAINMAKERS (1990) I can’t think of two more disparate places to record a live album in, but Kansas City’s Rainmakers had huge followings in both Norway and Kansas, hence the title. It’s a dirty shame this band didn’t catch on better stateside than they did in Scandinavia—they were an excellent live act, and this CD is a mere taster of what they could do. Singer Bob Walkenhorst belts out his witty lyrics and Steve Phillips shines on the slide guitar on tracks like "Downstream" and "Tornado Of Love". And as was their custom, "Drinkin’ On The Job" was expanded into a medley of sorts, with Bob doing a verse from the Fireballs’ "Bottle of Wine", followed by the entire band launching into Chuck Berry’s "Memphis". According to local legend, the Rainmakers were even known to take on Bob Dylan’s "Subterranean Homesick Blues" a time or two in concert—I’d dearly love to hear a tape of that sometime.
8) Raunch ‘N’ Roll—BLACK OAK ARKANSAS (1973) Jim Dandy and the boys were at the top of their game here, and took the rather unusual route by issuing some new material on their first live album. The best of the new songs was the scorching "Hot Rod"—one of the better double-entendre songs of all-time—and "Gettin’ Kinda Cocky" didn’t suck, either. "Up" was pretty cool too, and a great vehicle for Tommy Aldridge’s peripatetic drum solo. A couple of BOA’s standards sound great here too, namely "When Electricity Came To Arkansas" and "Hot And Nasty". Black Oak’s second concert release, 1975’s Live Mutha!, covered their big hits a little better, but was poorly-recorded and suffers from a really bad sound mix. I understand there is now an expanded double-CD Raunch ‘N’ Roll set recently put out by Rhino Records which includes the complete concerts in Portland and Seattle that the original album was lifted from. Will definitely check that out soon.
7) Live—AC/DC (1992) Not the cleverest title in the world, but content-wise, this one’s outstanding. Go with the deluxe 2-CD set here instead of the single—you get more bang for you buck. For as raw-sounding as AC/DC is, they are surprisingly crisp and clear live in concert. Singer Brian Johnson sounds even better here than he did on AC/DC’s studio records around that time when his high range started to betray him, and he did a fine job re-interpreting the old Bon Scott classics like "Highway To Hell", "Dirty Deeds" and especially "Whole Lotta Rosie" and "Let There Be Rock". The newer stuff like "Thunderstruck", "That’s The Way I Wanna Rock ‘N’ Roll", "Fire Your Guns" and "Heatseeker" also really cooked here, along with the classics from Back In Black. AC/DC’s first live release with Scott, 1978’s If You Want Blood…You’ve Got It, wasn’t bad at all, but it seemed almost tame compared with this one.
6) Speak Of The Devil—OZZY OSBOURNE (1982) Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath staged a dueling live albums battle in 1982 and Sabbath lost miserably with the decrepit Live Evil set featuring Ronnie James Dio on vocals. Since Ozzy owed CBS a live album and didn’t want to release any live material featuring the late Randy Rhoads at the time, he (or someone) came up with the brilliant idea of doing a live album comprised of strictly old Black Sabbath material, since they were just as much his songs as they were Sabbath’s. Ozzy’s backing band—drummer Tommy Aldridge, bassist Rudy Sarzo and guitarist Brad Gillis (on loan from Night Ranger) had to cram like college students during finals week to learn most of the old material, and the result was most impressive. Ozzy had to re-learn some of the stuff himself, as it had been ten years or more since he’d sang some of the songs, like "The Wizard". Other highlights included "Never Say Die" from his final album with Sabbath, "Symptom Of The Universe" from Sabotage and a rousing version of "Fairies Wear Boots" from Paranoid.
5) The Kids Are Alright—THE WHO (1979) While not a live album, per se, Kids was the soundtrack to Jeff Stein’s outstanding Rockumentary on The Who, and it features several live cuts from various points in the band’s career. The best of those come from Woodstock ("Pinball Wizard" and "See Me, Feel Me") and Keith Moon’s final performance ever ("Baba O’Riley" and "Won’t Get Fooled Again"), filmed specifically for the movie in May, 1978 at Shepperton Studios. When cranked at full volume, Roger Daltrey’s scream at the end of WGFA can curl the hair on a bald man’s head! In addition, the (literally) explosive "My Generation" sequence from The Who’s 1967 "Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" appearance is a total hoot. Also included on the record but not used in the film was an excellent live version of John Entwistle’s "My Wife". I highly recommend Kids (both CD and DVD) for you youngins out there looking for your first taste of one of the greatest Rock ‘N’ Roll bands of all-time.
4) Here And There—ELTON JOHN (1976) The original single-LP Here And There issued in ’76 was merely contractual obligation stuff for EJ, so skip it and check out the deluxe 1995 double-CD re-issue that fleshes out both performances—Royal Festival Hall in London (Here) and Madison Square Garden (There). The expanded Here And There went beyond Elton’s usual concert suspects like "Bennie & The Jets", "Crocodile Rock" and "Rocket Man" to include other hidden gems like "Grey Seal", "Country Comfort" and "Burn Down The Mission". Also included is "Candle In The Wind" the way it SHOULD be played, complete with Davey Johnstone’s beautiful guitar figure, as opposed to the moribund dirge-like 1986 Live In Australia hit single version where Elton’s voice sounded like crap prior to his throat surgery. Those songs alone were worth the price, but this CD set was elevated to "must-have" status by documenting a little Rock ‘N’ Roll history, John Lennon’s surprise on-stage appearance with Elton at MSG on Thanksgiving night of ’74 and the trilogy of songs therein—"Whatever Gets You Through The Night", "Lucy In The Sky" and "I Saw Her Standing There". What a crying shame that no one thought to film or videotape this concert as well (to my knowledge, only still photos exist of it), but of course there was no way of knowing that this would be the last time Lennon would set foot on any concert stage. Thankfully, we at least have the audio of what was a fun and very energetic performance by Elton and Lennon (John & John?). JL introduced "I Saw Her Standing There" as "a number of an old estranged fiance of mine called Paul." Funny he used that word, because John reconciled with his estranged wife Yoko backstage after that concert.
3) Live At Leeds—THE WHO (1970) As in the case with E. John above, skip the original release that only had six tracks on it and go with the expanded 1995 re-issue CD to get a taste of The Who at their absolute leanest and meanest in concert. Recorded on Valentine’s Day, 1970 at Leeds University in merry ol’ England, this concert almost sounds as if it were played outdoors instead of in a small theater. Mistakes abound here and there, but that’s part of the charm of the ‘orrible ‘Oo—even on their worst nights, they could still blow away most ordinary bands (Wishbone Ash, Savoy Brown, Humble Pie, anybody?) on their best nights. This was somewhere between a good and bad night for The Who, and oddly enough, even the expanded re-release doesn’t contain the whole concert, as the entire Tommy section was omitted, apart from "Amazing Journey/Sparks". Pete Townshend seemed in great spirits on that night, and his between-song patter is quote humorous at times ("It was our first #4…", he intro-ed one song) and he was just shredding licks right and left on "Young Man Blues" and "Shakin’ All Over". Undoubtedly, The Who went on to make even greater records (Who’s Next, Quadrophenia, et al), but Leeds was an excellent document of the early period of quite possibly the greatest live Rock band that ever took the stage.
2) Double Live Gonzo!—TED NUGENT (1978) This was Sweaty Teddy’s finest hour (okay, hour and 25 mins.) in my opinion, when he still talked with his guitar instead of out of his ass. DLG featured a decent mix of Ted’s biggies to that point, as well as two great new songs ("Yank Me, Crank Me" and "Gonzo") and some old Amboy Dukes favorites like "Great White Buffalo" and "Baby Please Don’t Go". Ted’s between-song stage raps are classic here, like "This guitar right here is guaranteed to blow the balls off a charging rhino at 60 paces…" and "Anybody wants to get mellow, you can turn around and get the fuck outta here!" The live versions of "Just What The Doctor Ordered", "Stormtroopin’" and "Motor City Madhouse" rendered their originals much like Ted’s charging rhino, too. My only real gripe is that the Free-For-All album wasn’t represented here at all, and I would’ve gladly traded the nearly 15-minute instrumental "Hibernation" to hear live takes on "Free-For-All", "Dog Eat Dog" and "Turn It Up" instead. Even as is, Gonzo! is an outstanding live recording that doesn’t sound too doctored-up, apart from the crowd noise being a little too amped-up in places, but that’s a common malady on most any live album. Ted’s stock has dropped with me precipitously over the years because of his bullshit right-wing political ranting, but none of that diminishes his musical output, and Gonzo! is a killer live album.
1) Alive!—KISS (1975) "You wanted the best…" Alive! was definitely the best $6.38 I ever spent on any record album. I spent pretty much the entire summer of ’76 constantly listening to this tasty slab of hard Rock, and it’s my #2 all-time favorite album, period, behind Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Yes, I know, it’s not all live—many of the guitar parts and vocals were re-dubbed to cover mistakes—but it’s still close enough for me, and Alive! did a far better job of capturing the essence of Kiss than their first three studio records (or any of their subsequent live albums) ever did. From the opening pyro bomb on "Deuce" to the final goodnight scream after "Let Me Go, Rock ‘N’ Roll", Alive! took no prisoners and rocked from start to finish, and did a great job of elevating the material from those first three albums, which were so poorly-recorded, especially Kiss and Hotter Than Hell. Even the weaker songs like "Got To Choose" and "Rock Bottom" stand out here. Peter Criss gets a lot of grief for being a subpar drummer, but I disagree, and he was much more animated and adventurous on the drums back then before he de-evolved—at least his drum tracks required the least amount of doctoring on Alive!. This album also saved Neil Bogart’s Casablanca Records from the brink of destruction by going platinum and rescuing the company from bankruptcy caused by one too many lame disco acts and a bomb of an album filled with (mostly unfunny) "Tonight Show" clips.
“Happiness I cannot feel as love to me is so unreal…”—John Michael Osbourne, "Paranoid"--Black Sabbath (1970)
As I’ve alluded to previously, there’s been no one special in my life since Stacy in 1999. Zilch. Nada. Zippo. Not even a nibble or ray of hope. Other than dinner outings and concerts with my good friend Rose (platonic, of course), I haven’t even been on a date of any kind with a woman since December of 1999, therefore I’m pretty rusty and have quite the itch to scratch. If anything, my time with Stacy might’ve been a little too good and spoiled me a bit, as I spent a couple years basking in the glory of it and re-living those fond memories over and over, which I think made me lose a little edge and motivation to get out and find someone new, preferably local this time. That, and until Stacy got married in ’02, I was secretly holding out hope that one day she and I might pick up where we left off (to be honest, I still do sometimes).
Meantime, I also went into a major personal funk when my best friend Tom got married and inherited an instant family in 2000, thus effectively bringing our running days to a sudden screeching halt. I lost my drinking partner, so to speak, but ironically my alcohol consumption (beer mostly) increased dramatically after that and my social life tanked as this decade wore on and I more or less gave up on finding a new woman. I basically let myself go and gained a shitload of weight, too. Even worse, I haven’t met very many women since Stacy who’ve even remotely interested me, either in person or online. There was one girl at my current workplace who piqued my interest for a while about five years ago, but she’s 20 years younger than me, and even though she’s mature beyond her years, I wouldn’t have had any business pursuing her. She’s married and expecting now anyway. About the only other woman I’ve found attractive recently is my current manager, and even she is about 15 years younger than me, so that ain’t happening either!
I’d sure like to know whatever happened to the whole “when you’re not looking for someone is when you’ll find someone” adage, because it sure ain’t worked for me in the last decade.
I honestly don’t think I’m all that picky, really, when it comes to my tastes in the opposite sex. I’ve read more than once where it’s actually okay to have at least a few standards that you’re absolutely adamant about in a mate, and I only have three: I don’t want someone with kids, tattoos turn me off big-time and I won’t date anyone who does illegal drugs (which kinda goes without saying anyway), so everything else is negotiable. I strongly prefer non-smokers, but if she’s a “clean” smoker like Stacy was when we dated, then I can work around it. I’d rather date someone who isn’t very religious or is not religious at all, and in regard to ethnicity, I definitely prefer white women, but certainly wouldn’t rule out other races, especially Asian or Hispanic girls. Although I can’t really picture myself dating a black woman, I won’t totally discount that possibility either, if I meet someone I really like. I keep an open mind there…
As far as physical attributes, I can be very flexible in a lot of areas (such as weight, for instance) whereas some guys are totally fixated on nabbing some blonde supermodel with big breasts. Ironically, blonde is my least favorite hair color on women. Not that I dislike blonde hair, but it’s way down the list for me, as I’m more attracted to brunettes and especially redheads. And as with Stacy, bald chicks are most welcome! I’m also partial to blue eyes, but I’m not picky there. I’m not really hung up on big breasts either—if she has ‘em, great, but I’m more of a leg man anyway. Getting back to weight, petite women don’t necessarily blow me away (my attraction to Pat Benatar and Jane Wiedlin back in the day not- withstanding). I learned a new appreciation for Rubinesque women after dating Lisa #2 and Stacy, and actually prefer someone who’s a little chunky way more than some scrawny supermodel-type—i.e. give me Renee Zellweger at her Bridget Jones weight any day over her typical anorexic red-carpet look. So long as the woman still has curves, looks good in a skirt, doesn’t outweigh me by more than about 20 pounds and isn’t built like a middle linebacker or doesn’t tower over me like Yao Ming, then I’m cool with her.
I know this is going to sound superficial and whiny here, but women these days seem to have forgotten how to attract men, as today’s hairstyles and fashions leave a lot to be desired. While it’s hardly the most important factor in choosing a mate, it doesn’t hurt to make an effort to look nice to catch someone’s eye and make a good first impression—it’s as if women don’t even give a shit anymore about what they look like. As gaudy as ‘80s hair and clothing were at times, I kinda miss that era when women looked like they at least put some thought into their appearance, unlike today, where it’s “I’ll just wad my hair up in a ponytail and call it hairstyle.” For example, I rarely even see curly hair on women anymore, and the most prevalent hairstyle I see these days is this bland Kelly Osbourne-looking “Oh-dear-I’ve-backed-into-a-moving-fan” crap.
As for clothing, women’s fashions have reverted to the Dark Ages since the late ‘90s. It’s rare I even see attractively-dressed women anymore (i.e., skirts/dresses, hose, heels, etc.) even in places you’d expect to find them like in a bank, airport, four-star hotel, or semi-upscale department store. A lot of women seemingly have even sworn off wearing skirts altogether, which I find very sad. Hell, female news anchors/reporters on TV don’t even dress professionally anymore since the Great Hosiery Embargo of the early ‘00s took over and bare legs became the norm everywhere, even in the dead of winter. I guess I’m in the minority, but I find bare legs to be rather boring, and I don’t need to see a whole lot of skin to turn me on. For example, back when Jennifer Aniston was still cute (i.e., not anorexic) in the early days on “Friends”, there was an episode where she had on a black turtleneck top with a leopard-print vest over it, black mini-skirt and tights—only her face, neck and hands were exposed—and she looked far sexier to me than any woman in a two-piece bikini ever could. Besides, half the fun for me is "unwrapping the package", so to speak! Then, of course, we went through the whole low-rise/hip-hugger pants and bare midriff phase that got old real quick, not to mention the whole Goth thing (there’s still way too much black out there on women now), followed by the most hideous item of female attire known to mankind, Birkenstocks! Ladies, if you never want to have sex again with any heterosexual man on earth, keep wearing those damn things. Yes, I have no doubt they were/are comfortable as hell, but do they have be so gawd-awfully unattractive and unflattering to your feet? Same goes for Crocks too. Toe rings and ankle bracelets are also really dorky to me—jewelry and feet are not a good mix! Why did women suddenly stop dressing attractively over the last ten years or so? Even Mimi on “Drew Carey Show” would almost be a step in the right direction now…
More or less coinciding with the Great Hosiery Embargo was the dreaded tattoo-and-piercing tsunami that swept our culture, during which perfectly beautiful women painted graffiti on their bodies and/or studded their faces. Like I’ve noted many times on this blog, tattoos on women are a major turn-off to me and I don’t care how dainty or feminine the tattoo might be, it might as well be a swastika to me, especially on legs or arms. Yes, I know, it’s just ink on skin, but it’s the macho image that it projects that I have issues with mostly. These ass-crack tattoos and Oriental symbols on the nape are stupid too—why on earth would you get a tattoo somewhere that you can’t even view without a mirror? I know I sound like a Reagan conservative on this issue, but tattoos are for sailors, Rock stars, and White Trash skanks—not attractive women! I also don’t care for the whole piercing thing (other than ears), especially anything around the nose and mouth. Sorry, sweetheart, but I ain’t kissing you with a mouthful of studs! Another fashion “accessory” I’m tired of seeing on women today is nerdy eyeglasses. I’m talking about these Clark Kent specials that so many young females wear today—I can’t figure out why so many women intentionally try to make themselves look manly with these hideous things instead of something round and feminine (think Meg Griffin, for instance).
So what the hell am I looking for in a woman at this point? I’ll turn 45 next month, so let’s be realistic here, anyone under 30 is pretty much out of the picture now. Again, I have no interest in parenthood whatsoever, so anyone with kids is out too, irregardless of how old they are—I’m just not built to deal with it, sorry! But, I’d like to think there’s still someone of the female persuasion out there who just wants a simple one-on-one relationship with a nice agnostic guy who will treat her right. I’m an anomaly when it comes to heterosexual men—I like ABBA and I’m not above attending a “chick-flick” now and then—I can’t be all bad! I’d love to be with a woman who likes travel, sports, Rock ’N’ Roll and curling up on the sofa together (not necessarily in that order). Maybe she’s still out there and I just haven’t found her yet. Either that, or she’s on that slow boat to China. I know I have some work to do on my physical appearance and body language, but you can do a whole lot worse than me, too, and I see a lot of assholes out there scoring with damn nice women. I’m not sure why things have shaken out the way they have in my love-life, but I can’t help but feel like the big parade has passed me by sometimes. So, dear friends, I ask you this—where do I go from here?
"AND ROCKY RACCOON CHECKED INTO HIS ROOM…"
And he sure’s hell didn’t find Gideon’s bible this time! I discovered an uninvited houseguest last weekend while painting around my fireplace when I heard a critter rustling about. Upon further investigation, a full-grown All-American raccoon had taken up residence in one of my chimney stacks! A little background: according to neighborhood legend, a previous resident of my house was a caterer back in the ‘60s/’70s, and he custom-built this chimney that doubled as a barbecue with two full-sized grills that open to the outside of the house and two more smokestacks imbedded in it in addition to the regular fireplace on the inside. Fortunately, the smokestack for the indoor fireplace has a metal screen and cover over it, but the other two have no covering at all, giving Rocky easy access to a dark place for sleeping his days away. The som-bitch actually seemed offended that I would have the effrontery to disturb his beauty sleep with all the noise I was making too! My initial efforts to evict said critter after opening the flues failed—Raytown Animal Control was about as useful as a one-legged Riverdancer and even dousing him with my water hose down the chimney proved ineffective. Since Elly May Clampett was unavailable to lure Rocky out, I wound up letting nature take its course—knowing that raccoons are nocturnal creatures—and he merely waited until it got dark outside to check out of his little Shangri-La. I immediately covered the other two open smokestacks with heavy cinder blocks, so if Rocky is able to move those, then I’m getting the hell out of Dodge! Never a dull moment during home improvement projects around my house. Full photo coverage coming soon, btw.
Meanwhile, here's what Rocky's been up to since he left here!
DOM DeLUISE, 1933-2009
We lost funnyman Dom DeLuise on Monday at age 75. I remember for the longest time when I was a kid, I thought his first name was Don, from his numerous appearances on the Johnny Carson show. While I wouldn’t quite place DeLuise in the legend category, he certainly had his moments, like in Blazing Saddles, the Cannonball Run flicks and he was probably the lone highlight of the flaccid sequel Smokey & The Bandit 2. He was even part of a song lyric by The Who's Pete Townshend ("He rode his brother's Harley across the TV while I was laughing at Dom DeLuise...") from "After The Fire", which Pete wrote for Roger Daltrey’s excellent 1985 solo album, Under A Raging Moon. Rest in peace, Dom…
YOUR FIRST PLACE KANSAS CITY ROYALS?
Well, well, whouda thunk we’d be able to utter that phrase on May 6th? The boys in blue have won five in a row and are six games over .500 for the first time since, like, the Reagan Administration. Very modest gains, of course, but things do seem to be looking up around these parts, beisbol-wise. Pitcher Zack Greinke has turned in Koufax-ian numbers so far, and ZG already has three CGs (complete games) this season—I don’t think the Royals had three complete games by a pitcher in the entire last decade! Greinke also has only one less victory than the entire Washington Nationals team. In addition to the great starting pitching, the bats are starting to come alive after a sluggish start. Second baseman Alberto Callaspo has also been a pleasant surprise at the plate so far this year, and veteran acquisitions Mike Jacobs and Coco Crisp haven’t disappointed. Now if the Royals can just avoid their annual late May/early June double-digit losing streak they seem to inevitably go on, they might just get to play meaningful ball in the Fall.
And oh yeah, newly-renovated Kauffman Stadium has been getting rave reviews so far. I hope to check out the old/new joint myself during the next homestand.
LET ME UP, I’VE HAD ENOUGH!—PART I
The media (ESPN especially) is busy assaulting us with this new biography on Alex Rodriguez by Selena Roberts where she even accuses him of doing steroids in high school, as well as stealing catcher's signs and various and sundry other skullduggery while growing up. While I’m sure A-Roid is no saint, I really don’t care anymore what he did or didn’t do, plus this Roberts woman is hardly a credible source. As K.C. Star fathead columnist Jason Whitlock accurately pointed out (in one of his more lucid columns) this is the same person who pretty much convicted the Duke lacrosse players without a trial for raping the black stripper gal, yet never printed a retraction or even so much as apologized after they were proven innocent.
One thing I’ve never understood in baseball is why stealing signs is considered to be such a sin. Seems to me if you’re able to crack the other team’s code, then more power to you. Same goes for counting cards in Blackjack—the house already has the huge advantage to begin with, so if someone is brilliant enough to overcome it, they should be rewarded instead of punished.
LET ME UP, I’VE HAD ENOUGH!—PART II
Here we go again with the Brett Favre un-retirement thing. It’s so obvious that he’s a limelight whore and can’t bear the thought of walking away from it, just like Michael Jordan. If Favre wants to keep playing, fine, but he needs to knock off this drama queen act and just take a wait-and-see approach in the off-season instead of announcing his retirement every January, only to renege on it. Meantime, I can’t fathom why the Minnesota Vikings—a team on the rise—would want a 42-year-old QB with declining skills as their starter, especially after going out of their way to acquire Sage Rosenfels from Houston already.
PURE B(C)S
Once again, one of our elected officials is totally unaware that we have big problems in this country, since he’s so concerned about forcing the NCAA to replace the current BCS bowl system to determine the national championship in college football. Rep. Joe Barton of Texas (a Republican, naturally) wants to ramrod legislation through that would ban the NCAA from advertising its national football champion unless they adopt a playoff format. "It’s interesting that people of good will keep trying to tinker with the current system," Barton says, "and to my mind it’s a bit like…Communism." Oh, puh-leeze! First off, Mr. Congressman, this is totally out of the NCAA’s control—it’s the individual conferences (Big Ten, Big 12, SEC, et al) that are calling the shots, and none of them want to abolish the bowl games, which are far too profitable for the schools. Nobody wants a playoff system more than yours truly, but I’m so sick of these grandstanding politicians trying merely to win votes with crap like this when we have far bigger fish to fry these days. And, oh what a coincidence—this Barton goombah just happens to represent the district where the new zillion-dollar Dallas Cowboys stadium resides—a potential home for upcoming NCAA title games and the ancillary financial windfall therein.
KICKIN’ IT OLD SCHOOL!
The NFL is recognizing the upcoming 50th anniversary of the American Football League by staging several games this coming season with the old AFL franchises sporting throwback uniforms from back in the day. I was hoping they would do this a couple years ago to honor the passing of Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt in late ‘06, but I guess waiting an extra year or two is worth it. The Chefs will wear the old Dallas Texans uni’s from 1960 (more or less the same as their current ones, only with Texas on the helmets instead of an arrowhead) in three games, including the one against the Dallas Cowboys at Arrowhead Stadium—former Dallas vs. current Dallas. Some teams have been wearing the throwbacks regularly already, like Buffalo and the New York Jets (as the Titans), and the other old AFL alums will follow suit—can’t wait to see Tom Brady and Randy Moss in "Boston" Patriots threads. The Tennessee Titans will even revert back to the Houston Oilers for their pair of games in the throwbacks, including one with the Jets—new Titans vs. old Titans! Too bad Tennessee doesn’t play the Houston Texans this year—old Houston vs. new Houston. Similarly, too bad the Houston Texans don’t play the Chiefs—new Texans vs. old Texans. Confused yet? Something to look forward to this Fall…
NOW DON'T BE BASILLIE!
It seems the NHL's Phoenix Coyotes are threatening to file for bankruptcy, and are being courted by potential buyer Jim Basillie, who wants to move the team to southern Ontario. This is the same guy who struck out a couple years back on trying to buy the Nashville Pre-Daters and moving them to Hamilton, which is right smack between Toronto and Buffalo. Commissioner Gary Butt-Man is against this move, and so am I—mostly because Kansas City Coyotes has a nice ring to it! No offense to the good people of Hamilton—a hardy working-class town that would fit in just as easily in Pennsylvania as it does in Ontario—but I just don't see them as a major league hockey town. Let the puck stop here, please!
RIGHTEOUS BUCKS!
According to the paper, "comedian" Mo’Nique is performing at Ameristar Casino here in July. Tickets start at $55. I repeat—START at $55. By my count, that’s about $27.50 a laugh (plus service charge), if you're lucky. I bet I could outdo this silly fat cow without even trying. By way of comparison, Ameristar only wants 35 bucks for Alice Cooper tickets, and old Al's a helluva lot funnier, too!
COULD I BORROW SOME VASELINE?
Because I just took it up the ass today, having to plunk down $650 for a freakin’ fuel pump for my car! I’ve heard most fuel pumps are in the $200-300 range, but Chevy, in their infinite wisdom, requires replacement of the entire fuel module. Kinda makes me hope GM does go under sometimes…
Back when I was young, one of my favorite things about family road trips was all the gas stations we passed and/or stopped at, and especially all the different colorful logos on the signs. I was reminded the other day of a chain of stations that once existed in the St. Louis area called Zephyr. I don't know which was cooler—their name or their logo. To the best of my knowledge, the company existed until sometime in the '90s, but I could be mistaken.
During a nostalgia discussion at work the other day, the subject of road trips, and specifically, Stuckey’s legendary Pecan Log Rolls, came up. I never partook of said delicacy myself, mostly because I’m allergic to chocolate and peanuts, but since they always looked like big turds on those Stuckey’s highway billboard signs, I doubt if I would have tried them anyway! Surprisingly, Stuckey’s still exists, mostly in the Southeast and lower Midwest, with a few locations scattered about Kansas and Missouri. But, what was once a restaurant chain has basically been reduced to glorified convenience stores, many with Dairy Queens attached to them.
That discussion also reminded me of Stuckey’s main competitor back in the ‘70s, the Nickerson Farms chain that aligned itself with Skelly gasoline. According to Wikipedia, NF was started by a disgruntled Stuckey’s manager-type who had issues with that company’s rules and regulations, which partially explains why there always seemed to be a Nickerson joint within about five or so miles of every Stuckey’s along the interstate! I got a chuckle one night while watching an old NFL Films highlight reel featuring the AFL Denver Broncos on their own practice field—in the shadow of a Nickerson Farms store looming in the background.
Nickersons bought the farm sometime in the early ‘80s, but you can’t miss those old stores that are still standing today and littering the Interstates, like the one in the above pic, with others being reused as truck stop restaurants or serving as gi-normous fireworks stands. As for the Indian cat depicted here, I can’t help but wonder if that’s his reaction to the Nickerson menu fare…
Not that I needed any further proof what a big fat phony Dr. Laura is, but this photo confirms it. Yes, let’s get out and honor Mom—never mind that this quack was estranged from her own mother and did not speak to her for the last 30 years of her life. Her mother died alone and wasn’t even discovered until like three months later—what could be more pathetic than that? You can read all about it at FindADeath.com. It’s hypocrites like Dr. Laura who give legit psychologists and therapists a bad rap—I’d sooner seek mental health advice from Screech on “Saved By The Bell”…
And he sure’s hell didn’t find Gideon’s bible this time! I discovered an uninvited houseguest last weekend while painting around my fireplace when I heard a critter rustling about. Upon further investigation, a full-grown All-American raccoon had taken up residence in one of my chimney stacks! A little background: according to neighborhood legend, a previous resident of my house was a caterer back in the ‘60s/’70s, and he custom-built this chimney that doubled as a barbecue with two full-sized grills that open to the outside of the house and two more smokestacks imbedded in it in addition to the regular fireplace on the inside. Fortunately, the smokestack for the indoor fireplace has a metal screen and cover over it, but the other two have no covering at all, giving Rocky easy access to a dark place for sleeping his days away. The som-bitch actually seemed offended that I would have the effrontery to disturb his beauty sleep with all the noise I was making too! My initial efforts to evict said critter after opening the flues failed—Raytown Animal Control was about as useful as a one-legged Riverdancer and even dousing him with my water hose down the chimney proved ineffective. Since Elly May Clampett was unavailable to lure Rocky out, I wound up letting nature take its course—knowing that raccoons are nocturnal creatures—and he merely waited until it got dark outside to check out of his little Shangri-La. I immediately covered the other two open smokestacks with heavy cinder blocks, so if Rocky is able to move those, then I’m getting the hell out of Dodge! Never a dull moment during home improvement projects around my house. Full photo coverage coming soon, btw.
