Concert Trek--Episode 11

It's been a while, but it's time to resume my recollections of the many concerts I have attended throughout the years...

51) Ray Stevens/Butch Baker (Saturday, November 5, 1988—St. Joseph Civic Arena) Ticket price: Free

Being that the metropolis known as St. Joseph, MO is located a mere 50 miles away from the even bigger metropolis known as Kansas City, MO, Joetown basically had to settle for table scraps when it came to attracting big-name acts for concerts.  I don’t mean to denigrate Mr. Stevens, here—he’s always been a favorite of mine when it comes to comedy records—but this was one of the few major concerts staged in St. Joseph during the 13 months that I worked there at the radio station, and we naturally promoted the hell out of it.  It was also one of the rare times that I got to meet the headliner afterwards, and the only time that I actually have photographic proof of it!

Brother Ray and his entire band must’ve thought it was St. Patrick’s Day, as they were all decked out in green leisure suits throughout their set, which covered all the bases of Ray’s career, from serious songs like “Everything Is Beautiful” to his comedic classics like “The Streak”, “Ahab The Arab” and “Guitarzan”.  The highlight for me was his 1987 song “Sex Symbols”, during which he performed with a ventriloquist dummy on a bar stool dressed as Julio Iglesias, with whom Ray “duetted”.  It was a good show, overall, but disappointingly short, though.

As for this photo, between the two of us, Ray and I surely would’ve qualified to appear on an episode of “What Not To Wear”!  I’ll just plead insanity with my choice of wardrobe here—as much as I loved those old rainbow Astros uni’s, it probably wasn’t the best choice on that night.  Anywhoo, I even managed to engage Ray in conversation, as it just so happens that I went to high school with the daughter of songwriter C.W. Kalb, who wrote Ray’s hit song “Mississippi Squirrel Revival” (as well as “Sex Symbols”).  Mr. Stevens was most accommodating in signing autographs and taking photos with everyone, and I came away very impressed with him.

The opening act was an up-and-coming Country singer named Butch Baker, whom we plugged pretty heavily on our FM station at the time.  I also met him after the show and had my pic taken with him, and I’m sorry to say I don’t remember a damn thing about his act, but he seemed like a very nice guy.

52) The Who (Sunday, August 8, 1989—Arrowhead Stadium) Ticket price: $22.50

This concert was one of the few highlights for me during the dismal summer of ‘89, during which I was unemployed for five months after I left the radio station in St. Joseph, even though Pete Townshend now deems that tour “The Who on ice”, after seven years of dormancy following the 1982 “Farewell Tour”.

This was the tour for which The Who was augmented by several other musicians, including drummer Simon Phillips, who was a major upgrade over Kenny Jones on the skins.  They also recruited guitarist Steve “Boltz” Bolton on electric guitar, as Pete’s hearing problems at the time relegated him to playing acoustic guitar for most of the show.  To me, acoustic guitar is the equivalent of black-and-white TV, as opposed to electric guitar’s color, so it almost seemed as if Townshend was handicapped for this tour.

No opening act for this one, and The Who got right down to business by opening with about 30 minutes’ worth of Tommy.  After a brief pause, the show resumed with three Townshend solo tunes, then Roger Daltrey returned with a guitar to perform the old Bo Diddley tune “I’m A Man”, but his guitar was malfunctioning, so he chucked it to the floor in frustration.  The show finally kicked into gear with “I Can’t Explain”, and it was smooth sailing from there.  The stage was swarmed by moths throughout the night, which prompted bassist John Entwistle to remark, “From ticks in the night, we go to ‘Trick Of The Light’” as he intro-ed his very underrated song from Who Are You.  The Ox was beginning to resemble a college professor at this point, but there was no questioning his prowess on the bass.

“My Generation” was a surprise on the set list, as Townshend had pretty much sworn off playing that song on the ‘82 tour, as was “Join Together”, a somewhat-forgotten Who classic.  “I Can See For Miles” was also dusted off and performed by The Who for the first time in ages on this tour, and it came off quite well.  For a band that was “on ice”, they still seemed fresh and viable, even with all the extra (and superfluous) musicians.  To date, this is the last time The Who (as a group) ever set foot in Kansas City.  Y’all come back, now, hear?!?

SET LIST:  Overture/1921/It’s A Boy/Amazing Journey/Sparks/The Acid Queen/Pinball Wizard/See Me, Feel Me/We’re Not Gonna Take It/Secondhand Love/Let My Love Open The Door/Face The Face/I’m A Man/I Can’t Explain/Substitute/I Can See For Miles/Trick Of The Light/Boris The Spider/ Who Are You/Magic Bus/Baba O'Riley/My Generation/A Little Is Enough/5:15/Love, Reign O'er Me/Sister Disco/Rough Boys/Join Together/You Better You Bet/Behind Blue Eyes/Won’t Get Fooled Again  ENCORES:  Eminence Front/Hey Joe/Twist And Shout

53) Kiss/Faster Pussycat/Slaughter (Saturday, May 12, 1990—Sandstone Amphitheater) Ticket price: $18.00

In a strange bit of strategy, the Hottest Band In The World set out on tour a good seven months after the release of their latest album, Hot In The Shade, which came out in September, 1989.  It all worked out anyway, as this was considered by most Kiss fans as one of their best tours of the decade, as the band focused their set list on more of their ‘70s stuff and barely even touched their new album—only two songs from Shade were performed.

This was also the first time Kiss had ever toured without their trademark light-up Kiss logo—at least to start the show, anyway.  In its place, the band emerged from the mouth of a mock-up of the Egyptian sphinx from the album cover—nicknamed “Leon Sphinx”—complete with a cool lazer show.  A small Kiss logo eventually did appear near show’s end, but meantime, the band played for well over two hours, and the old stuff sounded just as sweet with drummer Eric Carr and guitarist Bruce Kulick in place of Peter Criss and Ace Frehley.  Little did any of us know that this would be the last time we’d see Eric Carr in concert before his tragic death a year and a half later. R.I.P., Little Caesar…

My friend Tom and I arrived just as up-and-comers Slaughter were performing their signature song “Fly To The Angels”, so I can’t really comment on their act.  Same goes for Faster Pussycat, mostly because I don’t remember anything about them.  Perhaps this is because I was distracted by the couple off to our right that was fornicating right there on the lawn at Sandstone.  Too bad we didn’t have cell phone cameras in 1990, eh?

SET LIST:  I Stole Your Love/Deuce/Heaven's On Fire/Rise To It/Fits Like A Glove/Crazy Crazy Nights/Strutter/ Calling Dr. Love/Hide Your Heart/Black Diamond/Shout It Out Loud/Lick It Up/Cold Gin/Forever/God Of Thunder/Tears Are Falling/Under The Gun/I Love It Loud/Love Gun/Detroit Rock City  ENCORES:  I Want You/Rock And Roll All Nite

54) Z.Z. Top/Jeff Healey Band (Sunday, December 16, 1990—Kemper Arena) Ticket price: $20.00and
55) Z.Z. Top/Extreme (Friday, August 16, 1991—Sandstone Amphitheater) Ticket price: $22.50

That Little ‘Ol Band From Texas took about four years off between Afterburner and Recycler, the latter of which was the last really decent album they’ve made to date, and even it was only about partially satisfying.  But to my surprise, the accompanying tour for Recycler was one of the better shows I’ve seen ZZ put on.  The stage was a re-creation of the album cover from Recycler, set in a junk yard, and it included a few new wrinkles, like conveyer belts on the stage floor which made Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons appear to be walking in place.  Then at one point in the show, a giant trash compactor comes along and collects Billy and Dusty and appears to drop them into a dumpster at the rear of the stage, only to reappear at the other side of the stage, fully intact.

The show rocked from start to finish, in spite of the inclusion of too many lame songs from Recycler like “Tell It”, “Concrete And Steel” and “Lovething”.  ZZ did perform two really standout tracks from that album, “Give It Up” and “My Head’s In Mississippi”, but omitted the hilarious “Burger Man”.  At the Kemper show, Billy Gibbons dedicated “Blue Jean Blues” to opening act Jeff Healey and commented, “He’s somethin’ else…”  Jeff was indeed something else during his opening set, which was highlighted by his cover version of John Hiatt’s “Angel Eyes”.  At one point, Healey got to rocking out on one song and abruptly leapt out of his chair and started jumping around awkwardly, which prompted my friend Tom to ask why he danced around so weirdly.  “Uhhh, the man’s blind, dummy!” I had to explain…

I liked that Kemper show so much that I took Z.Z. Top in again nine months later when they blew through again at Sandstone with opening act Extreme, who were riding high on the success of their second album, Pornograffiti, and the hit singles “More Than Words” and “Hole-Hearted”.  Extreme put on an excellent opening set, and ZZ was quite good again, although they couldn’t use quite all of their bells and whistles this time because of Sandstone’s rinky-dink stage.  I was also a tad disappointed that ZZ’s set list had not changed one iota since December, and they played the exact same songs in order as the Kemper show.  Still, both shows were vintage Z.Z. Top, and you can’t sneeze at that.

SET LIST:  Planet Of Women/Sleeping Bag/Tell It/Waitin' For The Bus/Jesus Just Left Chicago/Ten Foot Pole/Gimme All Your Lovin'/Concrete And Steel/My Head's In Mississippi/Manic Mechanic/Heard It On The X/2000 Blues/Blue Jean Blues/Just Got Paid/Lovething/Got Me Under Pressure/Sharp Dressed Man/Give It Up/Legs  ENCORES:  Tube Snake Boogie/La Grange/Tush

Out of my brain on 5-15...

…and many other selected dates as well!

I DODGED (CHEVY-ED?) ANOTHER BULLET
I had to do some major cutting with my chainsaw yesterday following recent storms that knocked big limbs out of two of my trees.  The latest one fell during straight-line winds around 45 MPH on Saturday night, and would have crushed my car big-time if my mom’s answering machine wasn’t giving her problems.  Let me ‘splain:  I normally park my Chevy Cavalier (that I owe 3.5 years more of payments on) along the side of my house, but I was parked on the driveway in front on Saturday so Phil and I could load sheet rock and supplies for my bedroom project into the house during the day.  I get a call from Mom around 6PM saying there was something wrong with her answering machine, and since my parental units only live a mile away, I hopped in the car and went over to fix it for her.  Good thing, because I might not have moved the car otherwise, and that limb would have landed on the back end of the car for sure.  It was also blocking the front of the driveway when I got up Sunday morning, and was so heavy I could barely move it out the way, plus it fell from way up high in the tree, so I can only imagine how much it would’ve mangled my vehicle—a fortuitous bounce, indeed!  And, anytime I come away from using my chainsaw with the same number of fingers and toes that I started with, I’m quite pleased.  Ohhh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay...

BROKEN NEWS
In a very annoying trend, TV and Internet news outlets (ESPN included) are really overdoing the "Breaking News" thing these days, and it’s high-time to get a grip on it.  I am so sick of how the media make sure to urgently alert us about such routine non-stories as "Hillary vows to remain in the race" or "Gas prices on the rise", so I hereby propose a ban on labeling any of the following as "Breaking News" until further notice:

—"Sprint announces layoffs"
—"Clemens denies allegations"
—"Britney (fill in the blank)"
—"Phelps family protests funeral"
—"Iraq War not ending anytime soon"
—"Rap singer (or Cincinnati Bengals player) arrested and/or shot"
—"Economists unsure if U.S. is in a recession or not"—"Brad and Angelina are adopting"
—"Paula Abdul says/does something stupid"
—"Environmentalists blame tornado outbreak on Global Warming"

There are tons more examples of this, but you get the idea…

GRANDSTANDING, 102
Speaking of headlines that won’t go away, I can’t take any more of this whole New England Patriots videotaping scandal (I refuse to refer to it by this arcane "Spygate" nickname), especially since Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter (a Republican, naturally) won’t let it go—even though the NFL apparently is going to—and is threatening to pursue Congressional hearings on the matter.  What, just because the Pats beat your Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl a couple years back, eh, Senator?  Granted, I don’t think the Patriots are totally guiltless of malfeasance in all this, but until these fuckers in Congress are able to end the war in Iraq, solve the gas price situation, fix the economy, sort out the illegal immigration mess and the veritable plethora of other important issues that our nation faces, I don’t want to hear shit about them investigating a friggin’ pro football team accused of cheating.  And you know it’s just a matter of time before another one of these elected schmucks launches an inquest about the judging process on "American Idol", too.  Enough already, you nimnuls!

BTW, I’ve been looking for a good excuse to use the word malfeasance for quite a while, now!

BREAK UP THE RAYS!
Don’t look now, folks, but those dreaded Tampa Bay Rays are in first place in the American League Eastern Division.  I have no doubt that all the fundamentalist super-Christians out there would credit the team’s newfound success to them dropping "Devil" from their moniker.  I will politely point to the success of the New Jersey Devils (three Stanley Cups since 1995) and the Duke Blue Devils basketball team (three NCAA Tournament titles since 1991) and shut up…

HE'S EVERYWHERE!  HE'S EVERYWHERE!
First it was "Family Jewels", then "Celebrity Apprentice", not to mention that recently-unearthed sex tape, and as I type, I'm watching "Ugly Betty", and there's Gene Simmons gracing the boob tube yet again!  Next thing you know, he'll be on "The View"—oh wait, he already did that show, too.  Hey Gene, you could at least lose the shades when you're indoors, Stud...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #83
"Manic Depression"—JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE (1967)  "Woman so willing, the sweet cause in vain…"  At first, I thought Jimi was singing "the streetcar's in vain"!  Then again, the author who wrote the Jimi bio ’Scuse Me While I Kiss The Sky was just as bad in reciting the line from this song that goes "Feeling, sweet feeling, drops from my fingers, fingers…"  In the text of the book it read, "Fingers, fenders"!  Not sure what the guy was thinking, unless he was referring to Jimi’s Fender Stratocasters…

JOHN RUTSEY, 1953-2008
Original Rush drummer John Rutsey passed away last week.  You might say Rutsey played the part of Pete Best in Rush—opposite Neil Peart as Ringo—by leaving the band before the gravy train arrived.  Not unlike Best, Rutsey wasn’t a spectacular drummer, by any means, but he was quite serviceable, and he played on tracks like "Working Man", "Finding My Way" and "In The Mood" from the eponymous first Rush album in 1974 before being replaced by Peart for their second album, Fly By Night.  Rutsey formed the group in 1968 with guitarist Alex Lifeson and bassist Jeff Jones (ultimately to be replaced by Geddy Lee), but was unsure if he could hack the rigors of heavy touring because of his diabetes, so he departed the band fairly amicably.  Peart—who was far superior on the drums—was a fine lyricist to boot, and subsequently took the band to heights they most likely never would’ve reached if Lee had continued to warble lines like "Hey, Baby, it’s-a quarter-to-eight—I feel I’m in the mood…" as opposed to typical Peart phrases like "a victim of venomous fate", which kinda sums up Rutsey, who was found dead of an apparent heart attack, possibly connected with his diabetes.  R.I.P., John…

"AFTER THE FIRE, THE FIRE STILL BURNS…"
After missing the show several times, I was finally able to catch VH-1 Classic’s fund-raiser concert for the victims of 2003’s Station Nightclub fire on TV the other day that featured Twisted Sister, Tesla, Stryper (they’re still around?!?), Winger (oy vey!) and several other Hard Rock and Country acts that was staged back in February on the fifth anniversary of that horrific night.  It’s easy to forget that many of those who survived the whole ordeal are still struggling to regain their health and/or are unable to work because of it.  The show featured some of the victims who’ve endured numerous surgeries and procedures and will continue to endure them for some time to come, and I can’t begin to imagine what’s like for those people whose lives were altered so dramatically.  In the words of Pete Townshend (again), "No one respects the flame, quite like the [person] who’s badly burned…"

I clearly remember driving home from work the day after the fire happened and DJ Marty Wall was talking about it on the now-defunct 99.7 KY.  I immediately turned on CNN when I got home and watched the video, and my jaw just dropped at how quickly it all went down.  Seeing those people in the video in the front row all pumped-up for a Rock show, then realizing that most of them were dead left me very depressed that whole weekend, too.  I love pyro during a Rock show as much as anyone, but it’s best left to the professionals like Kiss’ road crew who know what they’re doing in a big arena or stadium, as opposed to some amateur in a tiny club.  Anytime I go to see a show at a club (or any bar, for that matter) now, I make it a point to scope the place out and see where the exits are—you never know what could happen.  If everything works out, my itinerary for my upcoming road trip to New York and New England in August includes a stop at the Station site in West Warwick, RI, which is now (as the pic shows) a shrine to the victims.

"They blowed 'em up real good!"--Part 2

And the hits just keep on comin'! More stadiums and arenas biting the dust on video...

Riverfront Stadium, Cincinnati (1970-2002) Here you go, Andy!  The home of the "Big Red Machine" spent its final years known as Cinergy Field, and with a huge hunk taken out of it in during its final two seasons in left and center field to make room for the new ballpark next door.  They also ripped out the Astroturf after the Bengals moved across the way to their new stadium, and between the new Shea-like open end and real grass, Riverfront was suddenly a half-decent baseball stadium.  Here's another view of the implosion from a different angle.

Capital Centre, Landover, MD (1973-2002) The former home of the Washington Bullets and Capitals was replaced by the soulless Insert-phone-company-name here Center near the White House.  I'm not sure what it's called this week...






Charlotte Coliseum (1988-2007)  This gi-normous arena—affectionately known as "The Hive"—that held up to 23,000 people for basketball had quite possibly the shortest lifespan of any modern sports venue—it didn't even make it to age 20!  This was thanks mostly to a lack of corporate luxury suites, remote distance from downtown (see pic) and the dickhead owner of the Charlotte (now New Orleans) Hornets, George Shinn.  Now Charlotte has their fancy new arena downtown with all the bells and whistles to house the NBA's Bobcats.

The Kingdome, Seattle (1976-2000) Speaking of short lifespans, the giant concrete tomb officially-known as King County Stadium didn't last much longer than Charlotte Coliseum.  Actually, it was only tomb-like for baseball's Mariners, who were just about as moribund as their surroundings until they moved next door to the BMW of baseball stadiums, Safeco Field.  On Seahawk Sundays, however, the Kingdome was the place to be.  The 'Hawks current home was built on the site.  Here's another cool video that features a pictorial history of the place from birth to death.

Veterans Stadium, Philadelphia (1971-2003) Reviled by both baseball and football fans alike, The Vet's demolition was celebrated by sports purists everywhere.  I visited there in 1992, and I didn't think it was so bad, really.  They weren't kidding about the funky smell that permeated the place, tho—like dirty mop bucket water combined with grease from a deep fryer!  As was the case in Pittsburgh, The Vet was replaced by two far superior facilities.

"They blowed 'em up real good!"--Part 1

For no particular reason, I found myself checking out various stadium and arena implosion videos on YouTube the other night.  As much as I hate to see old venues go, I'd much rather see them go out in a blaze of glory, rather than be torn down piece-by-piece, so just for shits and hoots, I've compiled a few of them for your viewing pleasure...

Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh (1970-2001)  Most baseball purists weren't sorry to see this place go down—"a five-tiered cement ashtray" as I once heard Three Rivers called.  It actually made a better football stadium than a baseball stadium, but that's not saying much.  It was replaced by two far-superior facilities.

Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium (1966-1997) The "Launching Pad" was launched into oblivion the year after Atlanta hosted the Summer Olympics.  Like most of the "cookie-cutter" stadiums of the '60s and '70s built for both baseball and football, Fulton County served neither sport particularly well, as the Braves and Falcons slogged along on a crappy field and in front of scores of empty seats most of the time.  Interesting tidbit:  The first Braves batter in stadium history was Felipe Alou in 1966.  The final Braves out in stadium history in 1996 was made by his son Moises Alou.

Market Square Arena, Indianapolis (1974-2001)  This was the last building Elvis ever left in concert, and it was killed before its time, I think.  I attended a Pacers game there in 1990, and was impressed with the sightlines and overall atmosphere.  MSA was unique too, in that a public street ran length-wise right underneath the arena floor.  I've heard its successor, nearby Conseco Fieldhouse, is pretty nifty.

Winnipeg Arena (1955-2006)  The former home of the Winnipeg Jets and the Manitoba Moose was defiant to the end, refusing to completely fall during this implosion attempt, as you'll see in the video.  Oops!

The Arena, St. Louis (1929-1999)  I didn't find out they were imploding the "Old Barn" on Oakland Avenue until the day before it happened, or I would've driven down to St. Louis to see it in person.  I attended more events there than at any other arena outside of Kansas City.






 

New Haven Coliseum (1972-2007)  Scene of Van Halen's 1986 "Live Without A Net" concert video, the Coliseum had a very unique layout, with its parking structure actually built above the arena itself.  Ironically, during the VH concert video, bassist Michael Anthony proclaimed, "We're just gonna have to tear this playhouse down!"  Some 21 years later, they did...

They leave me "Breathless!"

I think I’ve mentioned a time or two on this here blog my affinity for songs with rapid-fire lyrics/vocals, because they are almost always funny, and if nothing else, fast-paced. So without further ado, I give you my Top 25 (or so) Greatest Rapid-Fire Lyric Songs of All-Time:

Honorable mention:  “Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)—REUNION (1974)  One-hit wonder song during which former Ohio Express lead singer Joey Levine breathlessly reels off a veritable who’s who of Pop music history in three-and-a-half minutes.  Actress/comedian Tracey Ullman also turned in a respectable cover version of this one in 1984.

25) “Face The Face”—PETE TOWNSHEND (1985)  I have no clue what Pete was singing about on the signature track from his White City album, but it’s a dandy song.  The Entwistle-esque bass line was provided by The Ox’s subsequent replacement in The Who, session man Pino Palladino.
24) “Rip This Joint”—ROLLING STONES (1972)  One of the more underrated Stones songs—why they don’t play this one on the radio anymore is beyond me…
23) “Party On The Patio”—Z.Z. TOP (1981)  Not unlike “Rip This Joint”, a very underrated song from my very favorite ZZ album, El Loco.  I do hope they rescued Billy G. from underneath the sink…
22) “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”—TED NUGENT (1977)  In one of Ted’s more lucid moments, he introduced this song on Double Live Gonzo! by proclaiming, “Anybody wants to get mellow, you can turnaroundandgetthefuckouttahere!”  Hard to argue with that sentiment…
21) “We Are The Road Crew”—MOTORHEAD (1980)  Pretty self-explanatory here:  “Another town, another place, another truck, another race, another word I’ve learned to say…”
20) “Travelin’ Band”—CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL (1970)  One of my all-time favorite CCR songs, even I was tempted to “call the state militia” the first few times I heard it…
19) “Battle Of Kookamonga”—HOMER & JETHRO (1959)  Classic parody of Johnny Horton’s equally-speedy “Battle of New Orleans”.  I can‘t help but agree with H&J:  “Awww, them big guys get everything!”
18) “Crawling From The Wreckage”—DAVE EDMUNDS (1979)  The song that introduced me to this very underrated musician.  Dave has a knack for doing speedy songs anyway, both vocally and musically—witness his classic rendition of Khachaturian’s “Sabre Dance”.  One would think half of ALL our brains would get the message—sooner or later...
17) [Tie] “Traitor”—MOTORHEAD (1987)/“On Your Feet Or On Your Knees”—MOTORHEAD (1993)  Brother Lemmy strikes again with two of my favorite Motorhead songs ever, both of which prove that speed don’t always kill.
16) “Dear Dad”—CHUCK BERRY (1965)/DAVE EDMUNDS (1982)  Extremely witty tune from Mr. Berry all about high schooler Henry “Junior” Ford begging his old man to buy him a new Cadillac to replace his P.O.S. Ford.
15) “Gump”—WEIRD AL YANKOVIC (1994)  It’s a household name.  Fuck the Presidents of The U.S.A. (okay, at least the current one, anyway), Al’s parody of “Lump” makes a helluva lot more sense!  A sample verse:  “Gump’s buddy Bubba was a shrimp-lovin’ man/his friend with no legs he called ‘Lieutenant Dan’/His girlfriend Jenny was kind of a slut/Went to the White House and showed L.B.J. his butt…”  And that’s all I have to say about that.
14) “Hard Headed Woman”—ELVIS PRESLEY (1958)  Can you believe this damn thing is 50 years old already?!?  This—along with 1959‘s “Big Hunk O’ Love”—was the last of Elvis’ truly bad-ass songs before Uncle Sam and movies derailed his career.  Ever since the world began…
13) “Too Much Monkey Business”—CHUCK BERRY (1956)  Ah yes, the trials and tribulations of teenage youth, so eloquently (and rapidly) described by Mr. Berry.  Dollar gas?!?  Awwww…
12) “Jools And Jim”—PETE TOWNSHEND (1980)  “They don’t give a shit Keith Moon is dead—is that exactly what I thought I read?”  Pete was obviously in none too good of a mood when he wrote this one…
11) “Boobs A Lot”—THE HOLY MODAL ROUNDERS (1971)  Originally done by The Fugs in 1965 and a veritable Dr. Demento classic, this one asks the burning question, “Do ya like boobs a lot?”  Well, do ya?  Why, soitenly!
10) “They Called It Rock”—NICK LOWE (1978)  Music Business, 101.  I love Nick’s colorful description of this mythical band:  “The drummer is a bookie, the singer is a whore, the bass player’s sellin’ clothes he never woulda wore…”
9) “Tennessee Plates”—JOHN HIATT (1988)  Very funny song about a couple of small-time crooks who break in to Graceland to pilfer one of Elvis’ Cadillacs.  JH justifies said thievery by saying, “Anyway he wouldn’t care—hell, he gave ‘em to his friends!”
8) “We Didn’t Start The Fire”—BILLY JOEL (1989)  School teachers everywhere actually used this song as a study aid soon after it came out (and probably still do) for kids to learn about each topic Billy reels off here.  My gripe is how he whipped through the ‘70s and ‘80s in one verse after spending most of the song in the ‘50s and ‘60s.  Still, this was a damn sight better than BJ’s other rapid-fire lyric song, 1986’s “Modern Woman”, which may well have been the nadir of the Piano Man’s career.
7) “It’s The End Of The World And We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”—R.E.M. (1987)  I’ve listened to myself churn on many an occasion, so it’s pretty hard to leave this one off this list.  I’m sure Leonard Bernstein would be highly pissed if I did…
6) “Get Over It”—THE EAGLES (1994)  Don Henley’s verbal bazooka was set for stun for this direct hit on all those Geraldo/Montel/Maury/Jerry panel members and the fools who watch them daily.  “You’re making the most of your losing streak—some call it sick, well I call it weak…”  Touche!
5) “Stairway To Cleveland”—JEFFERSON STARSHIP (1981)  All-purpose rant complete with mob vocals and the mighty mantra “Fuck you--we do what we want!”  Whatcha gonna do about it?…
4) “Man With A Mission”—DON HENLEY (1985)  A hidden gem from DH’s classic Building The Perfect Beast album, this song shuffles along with a fair amount of alacrity as he threatens to “run a few red lights, grind a few gears/Start a few fist fights, drink a few beers…”  Good clean fun…
3) “What Did I Do Last Night?”—DAVE EDMUNDS (1977)  Another hidden gem of a Nick Lowe song sung at break-neck speed by Edmunds all about the perils of waking up with a killer hangover and a strange woman.  Dave had to sing fast here because this song barely clocks in at a buck-45!
2) “Get Out Of Denver”—BOB SEGER (1974)/DAVE EDMUNDS (1977)  Try and keep up with this one as you sing along—I dare ya!  Believe it or not, the Dave Edmunds version is even faster than Bob’s—with double-tracked vocals, no less!
1) “Subterranean Homesick Blues”—BOB DYLAN (1965)  Total nonsense, to be sure, but this has to be the all-time rapid-fire lyrics champion.  I can usually make it through the first verse and maybe halfway through the second one before I stumble on the words when singing along.  As senseless as the song was, brother Zimmerman was absolutely right about one thing—one truly doesn’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows…

Quick Hits and Fazed Cookies

A HEARTFELT THANK-YOU...
...to my good friend Phil Alvarez for all his help on the upkeep and/or improvement on my humble abode.  Thanks to him, my bedroom now has new walls.  At this point, I owe you about eleventy-million favors, my friend...

"HE'LL ALWAYS BE KING OF PAIN..."—NOT!
I want to send out a get-well wish or two to Brother Randy Raley, who has recently been on the DL following rotator cuff surgery.  Hope your rehab is going swimmingly, my friend, to the point where you can actually go swimming without pain soon.  Meantime, go easy on the Vicodin, mmm-kay?  We don't want you morphing into Scott Weiland...

LIVE TV AT ITS FINEST
I generally don't condone stealing/borrowing stuff from other bloggers, but my other Brother Ken posted this the other day on his blog, and it's too fucking funny to sit on...

CHICAGO ASS-WIPE #1A
I saw by today's paper that the very wrong Rev. Jeremiah Wright is poised to soon take possession of his new $1.6 million, 10,000 sq. ft. home in Chi-Town.  Well, isn't that special?

CHICAGO ASS-WIPE #1B
White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen:  "Who's the manager they remember the most? ... Billy Martin. They don't remember Sparky Anderson. ... They remember Billy Martin because he was the crazy one...Why do you think they like Lou Piniella? Because Lou is good? Great guy.  Great baseball people.  But people love Lou Piniella because he's (fucked) ... up!"

Uhhh, I remember Sparky Anderson, dumbass, and I remember that he led no less than three teams to World Series Champeenships, and if nothing else, he at least had class (as does "Sweet Lou" Piniella), which is more than I can say for Billy Martin or you, Señor
Guillen.  Ozzie's act has grown extremely stale since the Chisox won the whole she-bang in 2005, and this nut-job truly needs to have his family jewels slammed in a car door quite soon...

SPEAKING OF SPARKY A. ...
Mr. Anderson had one of my favorite baseball quotes back when he was managing in Detroit and was asked who he would need to trade to get outfielder Joe Carter from Toronto—then the premier slugger in the league.  Sparky responded with something like, "If we traded for Joe Carter, it would be just me and him on the bench—and I can't hit!"

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #82
"Radar Love"—GOLDEN EARRING (1974)  "The radio plays that forgotten song—Brenda Lee's 'Coming On Strong'..."  Not misheard here so much as misunderstood—I thought he was saying that Brenda Lee herself was "coming on strong".  I was unaware at the time that she had song by that same name...

NO, SPEED RACER, NO!
I was proud to see that the new Speed Racer flick is being panned by the critics.  According to the K.C. Star's critic, the chimpanzee who starred as Chim-Chim was far superior to any of the trained actors in this disaster-piece.  This is what they get for treading on sacred ground—you don't mess with a classic!  Didn't the Beverly Hillbillies movie teach these fools anything?

ART IMITATES LIFE
I'm currently checking out season one of "Bosom Buddies" on DVD.  While I still find it unfathomable that this is where it all began for Oscar-winning actor Tom Hanks, this wasn't a bad show, really.  It's even funnier when "Comedian" Bob Saget makes a guest appearance in one episode playing an unfunny stand-up comedian who bombs at a nightclub.  Imagine that—the bastard didn't even have to act!  Even the great wanna-be Adrian Zmed dropped by on another episode where he acts like a singer.  As hokey and implausible as "Buddies" was, it still outclasses any so-called comedies currently airing on network TV these days.  And I have to admit that seeing Donna Dixon in Spandex ain't hard on one's 43-year-old eyes.  I'm also enjoying the exploits of the late Wendie Jo Sperber as Amy, the receptionist.  She was a very funny gal—kind of a chunky Gilda Radner, if you will.  R.I.P., Wendie Jo—you were a total cutie...

Calgon--take me away!

GRANDSTANDING, 101
Leave it to the ever-opportunistic PETA folks to jump all over the tragic euthanizing of the horse Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby last weekend.  They’re wanting the jockey to be strung-up by his nut sack for hurting the horse—even though it appears he did all he could to save her once he realized there was a problem—and of course, PETA wants horse racing banned, yadda x 3.  Never mind that these thoroughbreds are treated like royalty and some of them live better than I do.  Horses do get hurt sometimes—it’s an unfortunate part of the sport—and this kind of thing happens all the time in horse racing, but I never hear PETA bitching about this happening at, say, our local track, The Woodlands—only when it happens at a high-profile event like the Kentucky Derby.  Where’s PETA when horses get hurt in rodeos and such, too?  This is just like when the Native Americans protest the use of Indian names for sports teams only when the Washington Redskins make the Super Bowl—funny how they aren’t dedicated enough to their cause to also protest at a routine weeknight Chicago Blackhawks game in January.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING, PART I
In light of what transpired at the Derby, this probably wasn’t the best week to trot out (sorry!) that VitaminWater energy drink TV commercial that features 300-pound Shaquille O’Neal as a jockey riding a race horse…

TIMING IS EVERYTHING, PART II
Dumb question, but was it really necessary for the Civil Defense goomers to do their regular monthly tornado siren test yesterday morning when conditions were semi-ripe for more thunderstorm activity?  Hell, the friggin’ things worked just fine last Thursday night during our little siege, thus rendering the test redundant anyway…

SHADES OF "I AM NOT A CROOK"…
That Austrian weirdo Josef Fritzl, who confessed last week to imprisoning his own daughter in his basement since 1984 and sexually abusing her now claims that media coverage was “unfair” and “entirely one-dimensional”, since he chose not to kill his daughter and the children he fathered with her.  “I could have killed all of them, and no one would have known.  No one would have ever found about it.”  Gee, how thoughtful of him!  “I am no monster,” he says, and he's blaming the media for making him out to be one.  Sorry Chief, but I'm going to have to invoke the old "If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck" axiom here.  Sick bastard...

WE BE PIMPIN’…
True story—we scanned two female patients at my workplace today whose last names were Ho and Hooker.  If we had another patient named Harlot, we’d have had a trifecta!

EWWW!
I read where 82-year-old actress Charlotte Rae (AKA Mrs. Garrett on "Facts Of Life") allegedly does a love scene with Adam Sandler in his new movie You Don't Mess with the Zohan.  Now I realize Sandler has this penchant for playing lovelorn schlubs who never score in his films, but aren’t we getting a little desperate for ideas now?

MINI MOVIE REVIEW
I watched Charlie Wilson’s War on DVD last night and was underwhelmed by this overrated movie.  Even the usually-reliable Tom Hanks was disappointing here.  Hanks doesn’t do as well when he plays arrogant characters (Ladykillers is another example), and that fake Texan drawl grated on me after a while.  And is it just me, or did Julia Roberts bear a strong resemblance to an unfunny Lucille Ball with blonde hair in this flick?  At least this film was mercifully short—only an hour and 35 minutes.

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #81
"Parasite"—KISS (1974)  "I was sad and wanting her to go-o…"  I’ve listened to this song for 32 years, but thanks to my iPod, I now know that this lyric does not go, "I was sad at watching her take over…"

COME ON DOWN!
I’ve also been watching the new "The Price Is Right" DVD collection recently.  I grew up watching game shows in the ‘70s, and TPIR was a regular view for me even though Bob Barker is a total tool.  One disc features a few episodes of the original ‘60s TPIR with Bill Cullen as host, and they were rather dull by comparison, but an interesting time-capsule, all the same.  The prizes weren’t quite as extravagant back then—they even gave away live animals like dogs and horses and such, and it was funny to see the show being sponsored by cigarette companies as they did in the ‘60s.

Then they get into the version of TPIR everyone knows today that debuted on CBS in 1972.  These DVDs are worth it alone just to see the short skirts and big '70s hair on models Janice and Anitra—both of whom I lusted after on a regular basis back then—and if you’re into shag carpeting, these DVDs are must-see TV!  You’re sure to get a kick out of all those Chevy Vegas and AMC Gremlins they tried to give away, too.  And if you look real closely in one of those early Barker shows, when they open that turntable thing where they played the pricing games at the rear of the stage, you can clearly see some stagehand pulling a rope down near the floor to rotate the thing.

I SHOOK UP THE WORLD!  I’M A BAAAD MAN…
Congratulations to me for successfully and correctly completing a New York Times crossword puzzle for the first time ever yesterday.  I’m somebody now!

Nice day for a White Blogging

Nothing racial intended there—just being my usual smart-ass self...

SPEAKING OF SMART-ASSES...
Reason #1,102 why I hate "I Love The '80s" on VH-1. While channel-surfing the other day, I stumbled across yet another installment of this insipid series, and I couldn't believe how low they had stooped.  They were doing 1985, and these losers were actually making fun of quarterback Joe Theismann's gruesome "Monday Night Football" injury and defensive tackle Lawrence Taylor's subsequent reaction thereof where Theismann's leg got pinned under Taylor and it snapped.  It takes quite a bit to gross me out, but I was watching when it happened and remember being rather rattled for a day or two after seeing this.  I've seen the replay so many times now that I'm pretty much anesthetized to it, but still, it's pitiful that these hack comedian wanna-bes on these VH-1 shows are so jaded that they'd make fun of someone being injured.

JIM HAGER, 1942-2008
Fans of "Hee-Haw" are no doubt saddened by the passing of singer Jim Hager, who died this weekend of a heart attack.  He was half of the Hager Brothers duo, who were regulars on the show.  I remember watching that show when I was little, and I thought the Hagers were cool merely because they had long hair—I remember precious little about their music!  Not to make light of Jim's passing or anything, but I did have to chuckle at the Hager Bros.' official website, which deems them the "World's most famous twins".  Talk about your chutzpah...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #80
"See You Tonite"—GENE SIMMONS (1978)  "...and if I can't, I'll cry and cry."  For the longest time, I thought Gene sang "and if I can't talk right, I'll cry!"  Well, with a tongue like that, talking can be difficult sometimes...

LOOK THIS UP IN YOUR FUNK & WAGNALLS...
I just heard some John Madden wanna-be on ESPN use the word "versitality" during their Arena Football League coverage.  Is that anything like "Wessonality"?

By the way, I find it highly hypocritical that ESPN covers Arena Football seriously now after years and years of poking fun at it.  And must they feature the Philadelphia team every week, just because Bon Jovi owns it?  Poffeycock...

"FOUR DEAD IN OHIO..."
Yesterday was the 28th anniversary of the infamous Kent State shootings on May 4, 1970.  I was reminded of it by a fine piece in the Kansas City Star yesterday that profiled college football coaches Gary Pinkel of Missouri and Nick Saban of Alabama, who both had ties to Kent State football in their youth.  I visited the campus of Kent State during a road trip in 2006 and stopped to see where it all went down on that terrible day.  I give the University a lot of credit for not pushing it all under the rug and pretending nothing ever happened—in addition to the memorial that was erected near the scene, they cordoned off the actual spots within the parking lot where the four students were struck down and their names are inscribed in marble.

It's no small coincidence I guess that Platoon was on the cable last night, a film that I can't help but watch over and over again, in spite of all the carnage.  I sit and watch that movie and keep trying to figure out what that war was all about.  I sometimes wonder if I would have participated in war protests or not if I were of age in that era.  At the risk of sounding like a bleeding-heart liberal, I know I would've asked back then the same question I ask today:  What did the Vietnam war solve?  What did the Korean War solve?  What is this Iraq debacle going to solve?  I have yet to find anyone who can give me a straight answer...

'Gone With The Wind'--The Sequel (Almost)

WHERE HAVE YOU GONE, JOE DiBLOGGIO?
Still here, folks—I’ve just been busy with remodeling concerns and yardwork and haven’t had much blogging time.  I was actually planning to post last night, but we here in the Kansas City area were rudely interrupted by Mother Nature and her insipid thunderstorm/tornado outbreak which caused me to unplug the computer and batten down the hatches here at the homestead around 7:45.  For once, Channel 5 weather maven Katie Horner’s wall-to-wall coverage—"Stormgasms", as they’re known around here—was warranted, because there was quite a bit of storm damage all over town, particularly north of the Missouri River.  Just to give you an idea of nature’s fury, I passed a metal freeway sign on the way to work this morning that was literally folded over in half.  I lost a pretty sizeable tree limb in my front yard in last night’s folderol, but ho harm, no foul.  As usual, my crawl space was a lake, but thanks to my handy submersible pump, "Li’l Herk" as I call him (as in Hercules), I’m literally able to keep my house (and head) above water.  Hercules!  Hercules!  Hercules!

I GOT A QUESTION FOR…
…any readers who subscribe to DirectTV. If so, are they any good?  I’m quite anxious to dump Compost, er uh, Comcast cable in favor of a better (and cheaper) alternative, so I’m trying to find out what I can about DirectTV, as I’ve received a couple of rather enticing offers from them lately.  Inquiring mind wants to know if they’re the real deal or if they’re just blowing smoke up my ass.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

PUT A SOCK IN IT, ASSHOLE!
Is anyone else besides me and Barack Obama getting real tired of this Rev. Wright douche-bag, yet?  I was proud to see Obama finally denounce this jagoff, although it may be too little, too late to save his campaign.  Religious "leaders" like Wright are a major reason why I am a non-believer.  It’s like every one of them—be it Pat Robertson, Al Sharpton, Fred Phelps, those polygamist sect creep-azoids, whoever—has their own version of God and the Bible to suit their own personal agendas, and until they all at least get on the same page, I’m not buying any of it.  As for Rev. Wrong, to go around claiming that the U.S. government invented AIDS just to wipe out black people in America is beyond ignorant.  Never mind that people of other races die of AIDS too, huh Rev.?  And to paraphrase the late John Lennon, "…if you go carryin’ pictures of Rev. Farrakhan, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone, anyhow…"  Ignorant bigots…

STRAIGHT UP, NOW TELL ME…
…y’all didn’t actually think there was any credibility on "American Idol" before Paula Abdul’s little FUBAR this week, did you?  Surely you jest…

VOUS EST STUPIDE!
I know this is a bit belated, and pardon my fractured French here, but that’s my opinion of the Montreal Canadiens fans who rioted in the streets a couple weeks back following a playoff win.  The Habs are the New York Yankees of hockey with their 24 Stanley Cup championships, but that didn’t stop some miscreants from vandalizing shops and overturning cop cars and burning them in best Detroit-style following their win in Game 7 against Boston.  All this carnage over a first-round series victory?!?  And against the Bruins, a team they routinely defeat in the playoffs, anyway?!?  This is akin to Yankee fans going loco after beating Tampa Bay.  I don’t mean to rip on the good people of Montreal here, but I say to those dunderhead Canadiens fans who caused all the damage, "act like you’ve been there before—because you have!"

THE EMPIRE IS CRUMBLING…
I knew it was just a matter of time before Miley Cyrus would step on her winkie and do something stupid to tarnish her image by posing semi-nude for overrated arty-farty photographer Annie Leibowitz, thus causing the parents of Miley/Hannah Montana fans to get their collective panties in a twist (understandably).  Just as well, as Miley is a victim of overexposure anyway—in more ways than one, now—and she needs to quietly go away…

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #79
"Nobody Told Me"—JOHN LENNON (1984)  "There’s Nazis in the bathroom, just below the stairs…"  Recorded obviously before his tragic demise in 1980, but not released until ’84, I thought John sang, "There’s nasties in the bathroom…"  That’s actually true in my house from time to time—good thing my toilet works!  I know…T.M.I., T.M.I….

ROGER WON’T-CO
I’m normally not one to enjoy the whole celebrity gossip milieu, but I’m rather enjoying watching Roger Clemens being dragged through the mud now.  I thought he was a total dickhead long before this steroid scandal hit, so it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.  Since he filed a defamation of character lawsuit against this Brian McNamee character, McNamee and his lawyers decided to play dirty and dig up all sorts of dirt on The Rocket, including illicit affairs with alleged country singer Mindy McCready (who?!?) and golfer John Daly’s ex-wife.  Hell, he probably dated the mother from "That ‘70s Show", Pamela Anderson’s manicurist and half the Rockettes, for all we know.  The moral of this story is, to paraphrase Fred Sanford, "He who liveth by the needle shall be stucketh!"

As for McCready, who is supposedly in the process of making a comeback album, I believe you have to actually have a career first before you can stage a comeback!  As the late Billy Preston sang, "Nothin' from nothin' is nothin'."

ANOTHER MYSTERY SOLVED
In recent months, every now and then I kept hearing this mysterious loud noise in my house that sounded like a jackhammer.  It seemed to be coming from my crawl space, where my furnace is housed, and at first I thought the damn thing was about to blow up.  Well, last week while doing yardwork outside, I heard the same noise but this time I saw where it was coming from—it was a deranged woodpecker hammering away on the aluminum hood that covers my furnace exhaust pipe that runs through my roof!  I say again, a freakin' woodpecker hammering away on aluminum!  This is one of the rare times I wish I did have a gun, because I'd have blown Woody back to the Stone Age...

I got blisters on my feets!

Did y'all miss me?  Sorry I've been so long away, peoples, but I have a fairly good excuse—I was in Sin City for three days this week and got home late last night.  This was my third visit to Lost Wages in the last ten years, and I have to say that in spite of all the sights, sounds and attractions that Vegas provides, it's infinitely more fun and intense when you have a female companion, as I did on my last visit in 1999.  This time I had no such companion and it was definitely a comedown, but then again, Vegas ain't the cheap food and drink proposition it once was, either.  Now that the corporate suits are running the show out there instead of old-school gambling types, the emphasis is no longer on luring people into the casinos with cheap eats and booze—hell, in the old days, they wanted you to get drunk!  Now it's all about family entertainment, and it's so watered-down.  And yes, I do have blisters on both feet, as I must have put in six miles of walking on Wednesday along the Strip, in spite of wearing my best pair of walking chooz.  D'oh!

Oh, by the way, a little tip for youse air travelers:  Avoid US Airways, if you can.  Their personnel were generally very unfriendly and unhelpful, and we encountered a couple FUBARs along the way.  I weren't impressed...

And for your viewing pleasure, a brief pictorial tour of my trip:

HAIL CAESARS!
Evel Knievel woulda been comin' right at you if you were standing where I snapped this pic, just above same spot where he crashed his motorcycle and mangled his body on New Year's Eve, 1967 while jumping the fountains at Caesar's Palace.  I'm surprised there's no historical marker anywhere on the premises...




WARNING: REALLY BAD JOKE COMING!
The one thing that's constant about Las Vegas is change, and here's a shot of yet another new luxury hotel/resort going up on the Strip in Vegas.  I haven't seen that many cranes in the same place since the last time I watched "Frasier"!  But I gotta tell ya, folks...






ZEBRA 3, ZEBRA 3—COME IN, PLEASE!
Ah yes, the mighty Striped Tomato from TV's "Starsky & Hutch" on display at the hotel we stayed at, the Imperial Palace.  There were numerous other cool vehicles to be viewed there, including Herbie T. LoveBug, et al, and best of all, it was free.  As for this here Torino, I still have to question what good it did for S&H to go "undercover" while driving around in a car that stood out like a turd in a punch bowl!



A TRUE LANDMARK...
...or at least to yours truly it is.  This is the Royal Hotel & Resort in Las Vegas, just off the Strip near where the Stardust used to stand.  Apart from my own house, I've had more sex here than anywhere else on this planet—all with the same beautiful girl.  By the way, did I mention that Vegas is a lot more fun with a female companion?




=========================
Meantime, while I was away:

THE GRIM REAPER'S BEEN BUSY AGAIN...
Sad news once again from the music front, as we lost two more fairly important people this week.  R&B singer Al Wilson died of kidney failure on Monday.  Al was best known for his 1973 smash "Show And Tell", which is a personal favorite of mine.  Singer/songwriter Paul Davis died of a heart attack on Tuesday, just one day after his 60th birthday.  He was most famous for late '70s/early '80s "mellow" hit fare like "I Go Crazy", "Cool Night" and "'65 Love Affair".  Oddly enough, these two gentlemen have one thing in common—they were both born in Meridian, Mississippi.  Rest in peace, Al and Paul...

YOU GO, GIRL!
I want to acknowledge Danica Patrick's IRL victory in Japan in the race car thang last weekend—way to go!  Hey, chicks can drive too, ya know?  Fairly monumental stuff, here...

THE DEED IS DONE
I was quite pleased to see that the Kansas City Chefs traded disgruntled defensive end Jared Allen to Minnesota the other day for three picks in tomorrow's NFL draft.  Okay, youse Chefs fans who now have skidmarks in your underwear need to calm down and listen to reason and start thinking with your heads instead of your hearts.  Yes, JA is a talented player who could benefit the team for years to come, but the fact is he ain't gonna benefit this team for years to come because he's pissed at G.M. Carl Peterson, and we'd have lost him after this season anyway, thanks to his foul gruntlement, so why not get something in return for him while we can, eh?  J. Allen is also just one more DUI away from being suspended for a full season and meantime El Chiefos snagged another first-round pick from the Vikings in this deal, as well as two third-round picks, bringing their total to 13 choices in this year's draft.  Unless they go totally blind, the Chefs are bound to snag some quality foosball players this time, so get over it, all you Jared Allen sycophants—he's overrated anyway...

And thank goodness to whoever's in charge of this flea circus we live in—ESPN's incessant coverage of the NFL Draft will be over after tomorrow!

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #78
"People And Places"—JOURNEY (1980)  "Take a ride on a rocket...take your mind, unlock it..."  Or, as my dopey mind heard it at the time, "Take your mind and like it!"  Very underrated song from Joyney, btw...

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE B-DAY!
I see by the paper that actor Al Pacino turns 68 today.  My man Björn Ulvæus of ABBA hits 63 and (Yo, Adrian!) actress Talia Shire is now 62.  Best of all, my girl Renee Zellweger turned 39 on this day.  I'm still waiting for your phone call, cutie...

Bloggy Mountain Breakdown

DANNY FEDERICI, 1950-2008
Man, it seems like we've lost more than our fair share of music people so far this year, as E Street Band stalwart Danny Federici passed away on Thursday after succumbing to his battle with melanoma.  While I'm not a huge Springsteen fan, I was well aware of "Phantom Dan" (great nickname, btw) and his contribution to Bruce's music over the years on the organ and even the accordian.  Former Pat Benatar keyboardist Charlie Giordano filled in for DF on the current E Street Band tour, although Danny appeared sporadically, including his final appearance on March 20th.  R.I.P., Phantom Dan...

SPLATTERED ALL OVER MANHATTAN
More bad news from the Jersey side as my boys the New Jersey Devils went down in a heap to the New York Strangers last night in Game 5 of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.  The Devils used to own the "Blue Shirts" in the postseason, but this year was different, for some reason.  Wait 'til next year, I guess...

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW...
Speaking of New Yawk, I thought I'd share a couple cool pics of the new beisbol emporiums under contstruction in the Big Apple.  Click these pics to enlarge them—they're both pretty detailed.  At left is the Mets' new joint, Citi Field, which is modeled loosely after Ebbets Field in Brooklyn, being built adjacent to Chez Shea.

And this would be the new (and now-shirtless) Yankee Stadium going up in Da Bronx right next door to the old one.  One thing I'm pleased to see is they're bringing back the old façade from the original configuration of the House That Ruth Built, ringing the top of the stadium like it used to be prior to the mid-'70s renovation.  I can't wait to see these behemoths in person when I invade Gotham City in August.


MY LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!
Regular readers to my blog may recall a few entries about a rather unsavory female co-worker of mine who struggled with her personal hygiene in the vaginal region.  Well, I'm delighted to report that she is no longer my co-worker, as the powers-that-be at my employer finally rid us of this office cancer on Wednesday.  While I normally don't rejoice over anyone losing their job, this was a long time coming for numerous reasons—well beyond just the obvious olfactory benefits—as this person was given numerous second-, third-, and fourth-chances to get her collective shit together and failed to do so.

Just to recap, this person is 31 years old with three kids by three different fathers—none of whom she ever married—and the oldest child is 15 (do the math).  In just under two years of working with us, she and her kids had to move at least three times because of evictions caused by her youngest son, who apparently is totally out of control.  Same said child has also been kicked out of school numerous times as well, and recently this boy was involved in a tussle that resulted in another kid having his front teeth knocked out.  But of course, his mother refused to take any responsibility for his actions and didn't help pay the other kid's dental bills.  Meantime, this woman had the nerve to try to mooch off the government by applying for Section 8 government housing because she recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend/sugar daddy and had no place to stay.  Yet, she could still afford to maintain her funky fingernails and shellacked multi-colored hair extensions, not mention her monthly $500 cell phone bill.  Basically, we're talking human train wreck, here...

Okay, if her personal life didn't interfere with her performance at work, then I wouldn't be writing this, but she was chronically late for work (always claiming that the time clock wasn't working that morning), and exceeded the allotted number of excused absences within a six-month period because she constantly had to take time off work to deal with her incorrigible kids getting in trouble at school or for her numerous court appearances involving her various car accidents—she was NOT an excellent driver.  And even though she's an able-bodied person, she thought nothing of parking in the handicapped spaces all day long instead of walking her lazy fat ass another ten feet to park in the regular spaces.  For that last reason alone, I have no respect for this woman whatsoever!  Good riddance to an asshole, I say...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #77
"Mexican Radio"—WALL OF VOODOO (1983)  "I'm on a Mexican Radio..."  I originally thought Stan Ridgway was singing "I bought a Mexican Radio..."  Is there such an animal?!?

"WHAT NOT TO WEAR"—VH-1 EDITION
What can brown do for you?  It can make you look like a bunch of disco gingerbread men—just ask the dudes from Heatwave in their "Boogie Nights" video!  I have to admit, though, that this is one of the better disco songs of all-time.  Every time I hear it, it reminds of the big 1977 flood here in Kansas City, because that song was high on the charts as I was squeegee-ing water out of my basement bedroom...

GET 'EM WHILE THEY LAST!
Only in Raytown would you see something like this.  Ah yes, those spiritual blank t-shirts are just sooo uplifting!

I'm Just a Blogger (In A Rock 'N' Roll Band)

SHOW ME "SAND THE FLOOR"!
My blog entries have been (and will continue to be) rather sporadic lately because I am in the midst of remodeling my bedroom, a project that has been long overdue.  I’m replacing the sheet rock on the exterior walls, behind which I discovered there was no insulation all this time—no wonder I’ve been freezing my hiney off in there every winter!  In addition, I’m repainting the ceiling and interior walls, replacing all the trim and resurfacing the hardwood floors.  I don’t suppose Mr. Miyagi could spare Daniel-san for a week or two—I could use the help!

JUST AN OBSERVATION
Please allow me to point out something that was lost in all the flap last week over Barack Obama’s poorly-chosen words about frustrated voters in Pennsylvania who "cling to religion and guns" that got him in some hot water:  He’s right, you know…

I'LL GO OUT ON A LIMB...
...and predict that two NFL streaks will continue next season.  The 2008 NFL schedule was announced yesterday, and Kansas City gets to open at New England, thus virtually guaranteeing that the Chefs’ regular season losing streak (9 and counting) and the Pats’ winning streak (19 and counting) will continue for at least one more week.  Then again, there’s a reason why they play the games, so who knows?  Maybe there’ll be a Malaria outbreak in Foxborough that week…

OVERDUE PROPS…
…to Boston Red Sox fans for finally letting Bill Buckner off the hook they’ve had him on for 22 years.  Last week during the Sox’ home opener, Buckner threw out the first pitch, and he received a standing ovation which moved him to tears during a subsequent press conference.  This poor guy has been hated in Beantown almost as much as Bucky Bleepin’ Dent all these years, and has been so unfairly blamed for blowing the ’86 World Series for Boston when it really wasn’t his fault.  It’s a shame that’s all most people remember Bill Buckner for because he was a damn good ball player.  He was a consistent hitter (.289 career average) and a scrappy player, and had some great years for the Dodgers and Cubs in the ‘70s and ‘80s.  And the thing I always remember him most for was when he tried like hell to scale the outfield fence in Atlanta so he could snag Hank Aaron’s 715th home run ball in ‘74.  If only his arm had been about eight feet longer…

As for ’86—first off, Buckner was on the team strictly for his bat because his knees had shot craps on him at that point his career.  He shouldn’t have even been playing in the late innings of Game 6, as he normally would’ve been removed from the lineup for a defensive replacement by then.  Secondly, if you watch that pivotal play where the ball went through Buckner’s legs, even if he came up with the ball cleanly, he probably wouldn’t have gotten the runner out at first base anyway because there was no one covering and Buckner never would have beaten Mookie Wilson to the bag.  Thirdly, everyone forgets that the Red Sox had a whole ‘nother game to play during which they could’ve still won that series, but they failed to do so, so get over it already, folks…

Just as an aside, Game 7 of the ’86 World Series at Shea Stadium was postponed because of rain on Sunday and wound up being played on Monday night—right up against the "Monday Night Football" game at the Meadowlands between the Redskins and Giants.  At the precise moment the Mets made the final out, the Giants Stadium crowd suddenly erupted in celebration and caused the Redskins to jump offside just as they were about to snap the ball!  This was the one and only time the World Series and "Monday Night Football" have staged games simultaneously in the same city, a feat that could’ve been duplicated last year if the Rockies had gotten the World Series to a fifth game in Denver, as the Broncos played Green Bay on that Monday night.

B.F.D.!
Much ado about nothing this week after a brazen Boston fan/construction worker buried a David Ortiz Red Sox jersey—and a cheap-looking one at that—in the concrete at the new Yankee Stadium in da Bronx.  Construction was immediately halted and they spent five hours jackhammering said concrete to surgically remove the offending garment, as if it would really make any difference anyway.  Now if the guy had buried Ted Williams’ cryogenically-frozen head in the concrete, then we’d have something to talk about…

THROUGH THE PAST, DARKLY
I rented the new DVD "John, Paul Tom & Ringo", featuring the late Tom Snyder’s "Tomorrow Show" interviews with three of the four Beatles—Tom never interviewed George, evidently, hence the title.  The John Lennon segment was far and away the most riveting and poignant, as they included the entire "Tomorrow Show" broadcast from December 9, 1980, during which Tom replayed his 1975 interview with John at the height of his immigration hassles with the U.S. government.  No one knew it at the time, but this turned out to be Lennon’s final TV interview.  The remainder of the 1980 broadcast included Rock journalist Lisa Robinson—who was very close to John and Yoko—and Lennon’s producer Jack Douglas, who was clearly shaken (as we all were, I think) by what had just happened the night before.  Douglas remarked about how Lennon had a fresh outlook on life at the time and was full of optimism for the ‘80s (not just for himself, but for everyone) with songs like "Starting Over" and "Cleanup Time".  Then all that optimism was suddenly shattered by one misguided moron.

Ironically, Snyder’s interview with Paul and Linda McCartney was taped in the aftermath of another Rock ‘N’ Roll tragedy just a year earlier on December 4, 1979, the night after the Cincinnati Who concert debacle (which they discussed briefly), although the show actually aired a couple weeks after that.  I loved Tom Snyder to death, but interviews with musical figures were an Achilles heel for TS, as he often asked inane questions and/or was very unfamiliar with their music.  This was also the first time I’d ever heard Linda McCartney speak at length, and it was funny to hear her half-baked psuedo-British accent.  I thought it was kinda cheesy that they contrived to make this a two-DVD set when there were only three hours’ worth of material that could’ve easily fit onto a single disc, especially since the Ringo Starr interview from 1981 wasn’t anything earth-shattering.  I’d have felt screwed if I’d actually paid for this set, but it’s totally worth renting for the first disc alone.

CLIFF DAVIES, R.I.P.
I just read where former Ted Nugent drummer Cliff Davies committed suicide yesterday at age 59 in Georgia.  Davies—no relation to Ray and Dave Davies of The Kinks or Rick Davies of Supertramp—also produced for Nugent during his heyday, and he and guitarist Derek St. Holmes were the only two who seemed to be able to rein Nugent in when he got too carried away with his histrionics.  It's no small coincidence that the quality of Nugent's records diminished after Davies left the band in 1981.  Cliff was apparently distraught over mounting medical bills and shot himself in the head.  Very sad...

A MOVIE I CAN’T REFUSE
I find myself strangely-drawn to The Godfather movie trilogy these days, especially the first two installments.  I watched them for the first time about a year ago—and wasn’t really all that blown-away by them initially—but now every time I stumble across them on TV, I’m glued to the tube.  What’s more, I’m usually not all that big a fan of excessively-violent shoot-‘em-up flicks (let alone Marlon Brando and his terminal mumbling) and I don’t give a rip about the Mafia, but for some reason I’m fascinated by the Corleone clan.  Maybe it’s Al Pacino’s charisma that somehow makes Michael Corleone a sympathetic character, even though he was cold-blooded enough to have his own brother offed.  Hell, next thing you know, I’ll be watching "The Sopranos"…

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #76
"In The Air Tonight"—PHIL COLLINS (1981)  "I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord."  Not sure if it was the agnostic in me or not, but I always thought Phil was singing "Hold on" instead of "Oh, Lord".

THE JOYS OF IPODULARITY
Another cool thing I’ve discovered about Ipods—they make one’s trip to places like Lowe’s hardware much more pleasurable, as they drown out the inevitable screaming children in the store, as well as the incessant overhead pages for customers needing assistance in the "wire-cutting area".