...Not to be confused with Elton John's first live album, 11-17-70!
YES, VIRGINIA, IT’S A RECESSION
Once again, I heard on the radio this morning where economic “experts” still aren’t sure whether the U.S. is in a recession or not. According to the National Association for Business Economics, approximately 96 percent of the economists polled believe a recession has started. Ya think?!? Why is this still even being debated at this point? The stock market’s in the tank, no one’s spending money, there are massive lay-offs everywhere, and unemployment figures are spiking like my blood pressure does while watching Bill O'Reilly—what more evidence do you goomers need? This is akin to wondering if Dubya was a good President or not. Yes, kids, it’s a bloody recession, already!!
WORD UP!
The term “meh” is now officially recognized as a word by the Collins English Dictionary. I’ve found it to be a rather handy word myself, as an “expression of indifference or boredom or an adjective meaning mediocre or boring” according to the dictionary. And just like “d’oh!”, the word appears to have gained popularity on “The Simpsons”, yes indeed-ely-doo…
MEH, PERSONIFIED
Anyone get a load of Bob Costas and Co. hyping NBC’s “Go Green” campaign during last night's “Sunday Night Football” telecast? I cringed while Costas, Keith Olbermann, Chris Collinsworth, et al, sat there and recited things they’ve individually done to help the environment in the last year as if it were some sort of class assignment. It all sounded about as sincere as a Don Imus apology, and what’s the bet most of these guys drive Hummers, hmm? This little campaign of theirs is nothing but fashionable PR posturing devoid of any substance whatsoever—just like when President Ford wanted everyone to wear “WIN” buttons so we could Whip Inflation Now. Yeah, that’ll make it all better…
MAMMA MIA!
Seems the Securities & Exchange Commission is accusing Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban of insider trading on a stock deal to avoid $750,000 in losses over some company called Mamma.com. Huh? $750,000 is pocket change to this guy—why would he risk getting in hot water over that? What a maroon…
STILL WORTH THE WAIT?
“Can someone explain why they’ve already put tickets on sale for Celine Dion at Sprint Center, when the concert isn’t scheduled until November 15, 2008?!? I’ve never heard of concert tickets being put on sale nearly a year in advance before. Is this to allow her legion of fans (all 14 of ‘em) to schedule their vacations from work around it or something?”—B. Holland, November 27, 2007
In a juicy bit of irony, Celine Dion fans in K.C. will just have to wait a tad longer to see their heroine in concert, as a throat ailment has forced the postponement of Saturday’s Sprint Center concert until January. I suppose a couple more months won’t kill them…
"WELL, HONK MY HOOTER—YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!"
One of my guilty pleasures every morning before I go to work is Univision's equivalent to "Good Morning America" called "Despierta America", mostly because of the cutie on the show named Ana Maria. I've never understood a thing she's said until today when she was interviewing actor Will Smith (who is mildly fluent in Spanish) when all of a sudden Ana Maria began speaking to Will in English! Very fluid English, at that. Shades of John Cusack in Better Off Dead with that French hottie Monique...
UNCLEAR OF THE CONCEPT?
I just had to chortle a couple times when I saw that #24 Tulsa got slammed 70-30 by the University of Houston on Saturday. And that ain’t no basketball score—that’s tackle football! Evidently TU misunderstood the Top 25 bylaw that no Top 25 team should ever be beaten by 40 points, let alone allow 70 to an opponent! BTW, why is Tulsa called the “Golden Hurricane”? By the time hurricanes make it to northeastern Oklahoma, they’re tropical storms anyway.
AT THE MOVIES
A couple quick reviews for you, as I caught up on some DVD watching over the weekend. I finally got around to viewing The Bucket List, and it wasn’t too bad. Even Jack Nicholson was entertaining here—as entertaining as a rich curmudgeon asshole with terminal brain cancer can be, anyway—and Morgan Freeman was his usual solid self. And director Rob Reiner was good enough to keep his film at a tolerable length of just over an hour and a half instead of subscribing to the “bigger/longer is better” theory. I give Bucket List about a 6.5.
Being a child of the ‘70s, I decided to waste an hour and a half of my life on Will Ferrell’s Semi-Pro, and although it exceeded my expectations on some levels, it was semi-funny at best. I think it actually would’ve been much better without Ferrell (this generation’s Chevy Chase) and his phony athlete shtick, which is growing really tiresome. This movie also could’ve been infinitely funnier if the producers had mined the treasure trove of hilarious (and true) stories and characters of the old American Basketball Association instead of putting out yet another mediocre (meh?) Will Farrell vehicle. They did occasionally manage to pay proper homage to the ABA here, like the bikini-clad cheerleaders (the old Miami Floridians really had them) along with some of the other silly promotions and gimmicks ABA teams pulled off to put fannies in the seats. I also liked the accuracy of the old ABA uniforms in the film, esp. those worn by the Spirits of St. Louis and New York Nets. Overall, I give Semi-Pro a 5.0. Without Farrell, it might’ve been a 6.0...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
The Simpsons Vs. Family Guy--Tale of the Tape
Having become a recent convert to TV’s “The Family Guy”, I thought it would be great fun to compare and contrast the venerable show that obviously inspired it, “The Simpsons”, so here’s how the shows stack up for me, character by character.The Dads: Homer Simpson vs. Peter Griffin
They’re both lovable schlubs, both dumb as a box of rocks and both have very man-child qualities to them, but I give the edge to Homer, who I find far more likeable. Peter G. gets points for being a die-hard Kiss fan and all, but he can be very obnoxious and even rather creepy at times, so for me, Homer is da man! Advantage: The Simpsons
The Moms: Marge Simpson vs. Lois Griffin
Both have voices that grate on you like Fran Drescher, and bless Marge for putting up with Homer all these years, but I’m more partial to Lois—she’s a redhead, after all, and she has better legs too… Advantage: Family Guy
The Sons: Bart Simpson vs. Chris Griffin
Aye carrumba! Gotta go with the Bart Man all the way here—he’s infinitely funnier, far craftier and is in a whole different league than Chris, who I find rather annoying at times and quite doltish. Advantage: The Simpsons
The Daughters: Lisa Simpson vs. Meg GriffinHmmm, Lisa is the sax-playing brainiac and Meg has no discernible talent at all, yet I kinda like her anyway, in spite of that condom hat she always wears. Can’t seem to choose between the two. Advantage: Push
The Infants: Maggie Simpson vs. Stewie Griffin
No contest here—as cute as Maggie might be, Stewie clearly outshines his pacifier-sucking counterpart by light years. He would surely tell you that himself… Advantage: Family Guy
The Dogs: Santa’s Little Helper vs. Brian Griffin
This really isn’t a fair competition since SLH doesn’t really do much on “The Simpsons”. With such a cool name Brian wins anyway, and besides, he can drink me under the table! Advantage: Family Guy
The Grandfathers: Abe Simpson vs. Carter Pewterschmidt
Gotta go with Homer’s dad here—as curmudgeonly as he is, he’s so much funnier than Lois Griffin’s ultra-snobbish father. Advantage: The Simpsons
The Neighbors: Ned Flanders vs. Cleveland Brown
Their voices are so similar, it’s almost scary, by I have to go with my man Cleveland, even though he’s quite possibly the whitest black man in America this side of Al Roker. Ned’s too big of a mamby-pamby, yes indeed-ely-doo. Advantage: Family Guy
The Watering Holes: Moe’s vs. The Drunken Clam
The Clam has the great name, but you can’t get a Flaming Moe or Duff Beer there, so I give Moe’s the nod, if only just barely… Advantage: The Simpsons
The Mayors: Joe Quimby vs. Adam WestQuimby does an admirable Ted Kennedy impersonation, but I have to go with the Caped Crusader, the great Adam West, who doesn’t mind poking fun at himself. Advantage: Family Guy
The Pompous News Anchors: Kent Brockman vs. Tom Tucker
Both sound authoritative but have little substance—they’d be perfect fits on Faux News Channel! Advantage: Push
The Cops: Chief Clancy Wiggum vs. Officer Joe Swanson
Another toss-up. Let’s just say I respect their authoritahhh, and leave it at that! Advantage: Push
Final analysis: Family Guy 5, Simpsons 4, Push 3. Unfortunately, I couldn’t come up with a good counterpart to compare the irrepressible Glen Quagmire to, so he’s in a class all by himself. Advantage: Giggity!! Still, the results are pretty even all the way through. Just goes to prove these are both classic TV comedies.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Blogging with Myself (Oh-oh-uh-OH!)
POST-ELECTION HANGOVER?
I haven’t been in very much of a creative mood over the last week or so, therefore, I haven’t posted much lately. Not unlike the news media, I’ve had to re-charge my batteries a bit since the election, plus I’ve been in a bit of a personal funk lately…
MITCH MITCHELL, 1947-2008
And just as my mood was beginning to brighten today, I read of the passing of Jimi Hendrix Experience drummer Mitch Mitchell at age 61. Mitchell (whose given name was actually John) was found dead in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon, evidently of natural causes while performing on the “Experience Hendrix Tour”. MM was one of my all-time favorite drummers—a somewhat tamer version of Keith Moon, if you will—and 1967’s “Fire” may well have been the greatest three minutes of any drummer’s career. Coincidentally, Mitchell was born in the same town in England as Moon. Rest in peace, Mitch…
CANCEL CHRISTMAS—PLEASE!!
Call me Scrooge all you want, but I’m sick of the Yuletide season already. Home Depot and Lowe’s had their Xmas stuff up for sale by Labor Day, one of our local radio stations started playing wall-to-wall Christmas songs when the clock struck Midnight on Halloween, and now all the Christians are fighting against the alleged “War on Christmas” again this year because of bans on nativity scenes and Xmas decorations on U.S. government property, etc. Hell, is the holiday season even worth it, anymore?
In a related development, thanks to the current economic climate, I paid a rather surreal visit to Target last night—the place was a virtual ghost town! Granted, it was a Tuesday and the weather was wet and yucky out, but it was still weird to practically have the entire store to myself during what is normally the holiday shopping season.
CLINGING TO GUNS RELIGIOUSLY
A predictable spate of raging paranoia has NRA-types in its clutches in the wake of Barack Obama’s ascent to the Presidency, thus sparking a run on guns at local shops, as the Gun Lobby thinks the President-Elect wants to take their precious weaponry away from them. These folks may well be unemployed thanks to our current economic abyss, but by God, they shure have their priorities in order by spending what little money they have left to pad their arse(enals).
For the record, Mr. Obama only wants to ban semi-automatic weapons, and once again, could one of you junior Ted Nugents (preferably a literate one) please explain to me (like I’m a four-year-old) exactly why anyone other than law enforcement or military personnel would have use for assault rifles anyway?
SURE SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
Not only did we elect a black President for the first time in our history last week, but my parental units now willingly have cable TV! Even scarier, the cable guy showed up early to install it for them! What’s worse, for the first time ever, my parents now have a nicer TV than I do. WTF?!?
A little background: my father is one of the most conservative people on this planet, and is highly-resistant to change (a trait I sadly inherited from him). Therefore, little luxuries like cable TV and push-button telephones have always been foreign concepts to dear ol’ Dad, but he was forced to give up his rotary-dial phone against his will a few years ago, yet he’s been watching the same 27” Zenith floor-model console color TV since 1984 (my Junior year in college, btw). Mom has been badgering him for a new TV for years, and after numerous visits to my sister’s house and watching shows on her fancy newfangled set, she finally broke him down and convinced him to join the rest of us in the 21st Century and get a 42” Samsung flat screen TV and cable to go with it. Now the man is forced to learn how to work a remote control for the first time in his life! If Dad gets a personal computer, then I’ll know for sure that life as we know it is about to end…
TRUER THAN FICTION?
Speaking of cable TV, why was the film Apollo 13 on Sci-Fi Channel last week? Wasn’t that a true story? Science, yes, but there was nothing fictional about it...
While I’m on Apollo 13, I recently observed a small goof in this fine movie. During the opening scene where everyone is gathered at the Lovell household in Houston to watch the Apollo 11 moon landing on TV, several of the gentlemen there are wearing sport coats. Uhhh, long sleeves in Texas in July?!? Now that's Science Fiction!
I MUST DO MY ALMA-MATER, I MUST DO MY ALMA-MATER…
Congrats to my Raytown South High Cardinals for their first round victory in the Missouri Class 5 football playoffs the other night against the dreaded Winnetonka Griffins (no relation to the Quahog Griffins). Ray-South is a perennial basketball power, but rarely does the football team make the state playoffs. The Cards are 10-1, and will next play the school that gave them their lone loss this season, the Injuns of Fort Osage, aka good ol’ “F.O.”. Go Big Red!
UNFATHOMABLE!
“Tom Brady works out at Patriots’ team facility”; “Lindsay Lohan calls Obama ‘first colored President’” Could someone please explain to me why either of these headlines I saw on the Internet today are newsworthy?!?
HE AIN’T NO DUMMY…
Comedian/ventriloquist Jeff Dunham has been a recent DVD view for me. A brief sampling of deep thoughts from JD:
—Jeff: “If you try to choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?”
—Jeff: “What’s your favorite beer?” Bubba J: “An open one.”
—Jeff: “How do you know when you’ve had too many?” Bubba J: “When I run out.”
I don’t know how the hell he keeps track of all those voices, but this dude is fuggin’ funny!
I haven’t been in very much of a creative mood over the last week or so, therefore, I haven’t posted much lately. Not unlike the news media, I’ve had to re-charge my batteries a bit since the election, plus I’ve been in a bit of a personal funk lately…
MITCH MITCHELL, 1947-2008
And just as my mood was beginning to brighten today, I read of the passing of Jimi Hendrix Experience drummer Mitch Mitchell at age 61. Mitchell (whose given name was actually John) was found dead in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon, evidently of natural causes while performing on the “Experience Hendrix Tour”. MM was one of my all-time favorite drummers—a somewhat tamer version of Keith Moon, if you will—and 1967’s “Fire” may well have been the greatest three minutes of any drummer’s career. Coincidentally, Mitchell was born in the same town in England as Moon. Rest in peace, Mitch…
CANCEL CHRISTMAS—PLEASE!!
Call me Scrooge all you want, but I’m sick of the Yuletide season already. Home Depot and Lowe’s had their Xmas stuff up for sale by Labor Day, one of our local radio stations started playing wall-to-wall Christmas songs when the clock struck Midnight on Halloween, and now all the Christians are fighting against the alleged “War on Christmas” again this year because of bans on nativity scenes and Xmas decorations on U.S. government property, etc. Hell, is the holiday season even worth it, anymore?
In a related development, thanks to the current economic climate, I paid a rather surreal visit to Target last night—the place was a virtual ghost town! Granted, it was a Tuesday and the weather was wet and yucky out, but it was still weird to practically have the entire store to myself during what is normally the holiday shopping season.
CLINGING TO GUNS RELIGIOUSLY
A predictable spate of raging paranoia has NRA-types in its clutches in the wake of Barack Obama’s ascent to the Presidency, thus sparking a run on guns at local shops, as the Gun Lobby thinks the President-Elect wants to take their precious weaponry away from them. These folks may well be unemployed thanks to our current economic abyss, but by God, they shure have their priorities in order by spending what little money they have left to pad their arse(enals).
For the record, Mr. Obama only wants to ban semi-automatic weapons, and once again, could one of you junior Ted Nugents (preferably a literate one) please explain to me (like I’m a four-year-old) exactly why anyone other than law enforcement or military personnel would have use for assault rifles anyway?
SURE SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
Not only did we elect a black President for the first time in our history last week, but my parental units now willingly have cable TV! Even scarier, the cable guy showed up early to install it for them! What’s worse, for the first time ever, my parents now have a nicer TV than I do. WTF?!?
A little background: my father is one of the most conservative people on this planet, and is highly-resistant to change (a trait I sadly inherited from him). Therefore, little luxuries like cable TV and push-button telephones have always been foreign concepts to dear ol’ Dad, but he was forced to give up his rotary-dial phone against his will a few years ago, yet he’s been watching the same 27” Zenith floor-model console color TV since 1984 (my Junior year in college, btw). Mom has been badgering him for a new TV for years, and after numerous visits to my sister’s house and watching shows on her fancy newfangled set, she finally broke him down and convinced him to join the rest of us in the 21st Century and get a 42” Samsung flat screen TV and cable to go with it. Now the man is forced to learn how to work a remote control for the first time in his life! If Dad gets a personal computer, then I’ll know for sure that life as we know it is about to end…
TRUER THAN FICTION?
Speaking of cable TV, why was the film Apollo 13 on Sci-Fi Channel last week? Wasn’t that a true story? Science, yes, but there was nothing fictional about it...
While I’m on Apollo 13, I recently observed a small goof in this fine movie. During the opening scene where everyone is gathered at the Lovell household in Houston to watch the Apollo 11 moon landing on TV, several of the gentlemen there are wearing sport coats. Uhhh, long sleeves in Texas in July?!? Now that's Science Fiction!
I MUST DO MY ALMA-MATER, I MUST DO MY ALMA-MATER…
Congrats to my Raytown South High Cardinals for their first round victory in the Missouri Class 5 football playoffs the other night against the dreaded Winnetonka Griffins (no relation to the Quahog Griffins). Ray-South is a perennial basketball power, but rarely does the football team make the state playoffs. The Cards are 10-1, and will next play the school that gave them their lone loss this season, the Injuns of Fort Osage, aka good ol’ “F.O.”. Go Big Red!
UNFATHOMABLE!
“Tom Brady works out at Patriots’ team facility”; “Lindsay Lohan calls Obama ‘first colored President’” Could someone please explain to me why either of these headlines I saw on the Internet today are newsworthy?!?
HE AIN’T NO DUMMY…
Comedian/ventriloquist Jeff Dunham has been a recent DVD view for me. A brief sampling of deep thoughts from JD:
—Jeff: “If you try to choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?”
—Jeff: “What’s your favorite beer?” Bubba J: “An open one.”
—Jeff: “How do you know when you’ve had too many?” Bubba J: “When I run out.”
I don’t know how the hell he keeps track of all those voices, but this dude is fuggin’ funny!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Meet the new boss...
…not quite the same as the old boss!
Yesterday was most certainly an important one in our history, and I was quite pleased with the outcome, for the most part, with Barack Obama defeating John McCain for President—fair and square, I might add—none of this having to recount Florida’s vote or protesting the results in Ohio, etc. The popular vote was a whole lot closer than I expected, but what I was most impressed with was the high voter turnout, which exceeded everyone’s expectations. Let’s hope this isn’t a one-time phenomenon, either. With Obama’s victory, I improved my Presidential voting record to 2-and-5 (Clinton in ’92 was my only other winner). And no, I didn’t vote for Al Gore in ’00 or Boob Dole in ’96—I voted for whomever the Libertarian candidates were in those years.
I hope all the bigots out there who have issues with Obama being Black will at least give the man a chance to be a good President, but I’m sure they won’t. Hell, I don’t give a damn if he’s plaid if he can get this ship righted and moving forward again. I’m also not averse to the idea of a female President someday soon, but I think we can do a helluva lot better than Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin. Anyway, I’m not naïve enough to believe Obama’s going to fix everything, but I’m hopeful that he can at least do as Dennis DeYoung sang in the Styx song “Suite Madame Blue” and “lead us away from here…”
I CALLED IT…
As for McCain, I correctly predicted two months ago that naming Sarah Palin as his running mate would be his undoing, and that’s what he gets for thinking with his dick. Now Ms. Winky-Dink’s 15 minutes of fame are over, so I guess she’ll just have to return all those nice clothes to Nieman-Marcus and go back to hanging out with Joe Six-Pack/Plumber and dressing deer in Moose Twit, Alaska. Something tells me we haven’t heard the last of her, though—it wouldn’t surprise me if she winds up hosting some vapid talk show on daytime TV. Either that, or she’ll be on “Dancing With The Stars” next season.
MEDIA OVERKILL
I didn’t watch a whole lot of the TV coverage last night—it was more fun viewing the constant updates on MSNBC’s webpage instead of listening to the battalion of talking heads on all the networks—but I couldn’t help but note how Al Sharpton and Jesse "I'd like to cut his nuts off" Jackson just had to steal some face-time on TV during Obama’s celebration, even though their contributions to his cause were irrelevant, at best. It figures. And then there was Pat Robertson sitting there looking all forlorn on his Jesus Channel with skidmarks in his drawers. Short of a gay President, I bet Obama winning this election is just about Pat’s worst nightmare.
THERE’S A TEAR IN HIS BEER
I read today that Hank Williams, Jr. performed the National Anthem (coherently?!?) at a McCain rally in Colorado just to show-up Obama. I also heard a radio ad that Hank Jr. did for McCain the other day where he ripped on Obama’s “clinging to guns and religion” comment from way back when. By relying on endorsements from this drunken has-been, is it any wonder McCain lost? At least Bruce Springsteen is still a relevant musician! Go have another Bourbon and shut the fuck up, Hank…
RAISIN’ HELL AT THE POLLS
Much to my surprise, I did not have to wait in line at all when I went to vote a little after 5PM yesterday. Nary a Republican got my vote (and they might never get it again, either!), and as per my usual, I voted to kick out all the judges, and I even voted for Nixon! That would be Jay Nixon, the new Governor-elect of Missouri. What I don’t get is why a governor doesn’t have a running mate like a President, thus we have a Democratic Governor and a Republican Lt. (i.e., Vice-) Governor. Makes no sense.
Okay, now we can all exhale!
Yesterday was most certainly an important one in our history, and I was quite pleased with the outcome, for the most part, with Barack Obama defeating John McCain for President—fair and square, I might add—none of this having to recount Florida’s vote or protesting the results in Ohio, etc. The popular vote was a whole lot closer than I expected, but what I was most impressed with was the high voter turnout, which exceeded everyone’s expectations. Let’s hope this isn’t a one-time phenomenon, either. With Obama’s victory, I improved my Presidential voting record to 2-and-5 (Clinton in ’92 was my only other winner). And no, I didn’t vote for Al Gore in ’00 or Boob Dole in ’96—I voted for whomever the Libertarian candidates were in those years.I hope all the bigots out there who have issues with Obama being Black will at least give the man a chance to be a good President, but I’m sure they won’t. Hell, I don’t give a damn if he’s plaid if he can get this ship righted and moving forward again. I’m also not averse to the idea of a female President someday soon, but I think we can do a helluva lot better than Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin. Anyway, I’m not naïve enough to believe Obama’s going to fix everything, but I’m hopeful that he can at least do as Dennis DeYoung sang in the Styx song “Suite Madame Blue” and “lead us away from here…”
I CALLED IT…
As for McCain, I correctly predicted two months ago that naming Sarah Palin as his running mate would be his undoing, and that’s what he gets for thinking with his dick. Now Ms. Winky-Dink’s 15 minutes of fame are over, so I guess she’ll just have to return all those nice clothes to Nieman-Marcus and go back to hanging out with Joe Six-Pack/Plumber and dressing deer in Moose Twit, Alaska. Something tells me we haven’t heard the last of her, though—it wouldn’t surprise me if she winds up hosting some vapid talk show on daytime TV. Either that, or she’ll be on “Dancing With The Stars” next season.
MEDIA OVERKILL
I didn’t watch a whole lot of the TV coverage last night—it was more fun viewing the constant updates on MSNBC’s webpage instead of listening to the battalion of talking heads on all the networks—but I couldn’t help but note how Al Sharpton and Jesse "I'd like to cut his nuts off" Jackson just had to steal some face-time on TV during Obama’s celebration, even though their contributions to his cause were irrelevant, at best. It figures. And then there was Pat Robertson sitting there looking all forlorn on his Jesus Channel with skidmarks in his drawers. Short of a gay President, I bet Obama winning this election is just about Pat’s worst nightmare.
THERE’S A TEAR IN HIS BEER
I read today that Hank Williams, Jr. performed the National Anthem (coherently?!?) at a McCain rally in Colorado just to show-up Obama. I also heard a radio ad that Hank Jr. did for McCain the other day where he ripped on Obama’s “clinging to guns and religion” comment from way back when. By relying on endorsements from this drunken has-been, is it any wonder McCain lost? At least Bruce Springsteen is still a relevant musician! Go have another Bourbon and shut the fuck up, Hank…
RAISIN’ HELL AT THE POLLS
Much to my surprise, I did not have to wait in line at all when I went to vote a little after 5PM yesterday. Nary a Republican got my vote (and they might never get it again, either!), and as per my usual, I voted to kick out all the judges, and I even voted for Nixon! That would be Jay Nixon, the new Governor-elect of Missouri. What I don’t get is why a governor doesn’t have a running mate like a President, thus we have a Democratic Governor and a Republican Lt. (i.e., Vice-) Governor. Makes no sense.
Okay, now we can all exhale!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
When Electricity Came FROM Arkansas (Revised)
When I started this blog almost two years ago, the first official band tribute I ever did was for one of my all-time favorite groups, Black Oak Arkansas. I re-read it the other day and didn’t like the “drive-by” quality of that post and felt like I’d shortchanged the band just a skosh, so I decided to flesh it out a bit more and elaborate…
Whenever you had a band that Rolling Stone magazine’s music critics hated, chances are pretty good that I liked them (to wit, Kiss, Grand Funk Railroad, Styx, Rush, Z.Z. Top, et al), and Black Oak Arkansas is a prime example. One such critic derisively summed up BOA’s career by saying, "Black Oak’s distinguishing characteristic is that the band has three guitarists who collectively don’t even add up to one good one." Funny line, yes, but not quite true, and this is precisely why I rarely listen to music critics! And thankfully, neither does the paying public, because BOA sold a boatload of records in the early ‘70s and they were a major concert attraction as well, especially around these parts.Originally called the Knowbody Else, BOA formed in the mid-‘60s in and around the Jonesboro area of northeast Arkansas, just a ways northwest of Memphis. The band went through more personnel changes throughout its tenure than Sprint does following a layoff, but the one constant was lead singer Jim "Dandy" Mangrum, and the band was subsequently named after his hometown of Black Oak. While hardly the most photogenic guy in the world, Dandy still had big-time sex appeal for the women-folk out there with his long blonde hair, skin-tight white pants (which showed off his well-endowed-ness!) and bare chest—clearly the blueprint one young David Lee Roth of Van Halen followed later in the ‘70s. JD was/is a colorful dude, too, growling and howling his vocals and playing a mean washboard to boot. The band also included journeyman drummer Tommy Aldridge from 1972-76 and Mangrum’s longtime friend and cohort Rickie Lee Reynolds on rhythm guitar.
After recording one record for legendary Memphis R&B label Stax Records, the band landed a better deal with Atco and released their self-titled album in 1971, which my older sister bought (sort of on a lark) and that’s how I was introduced to the band. Black Oak Arkansas is one of my favorite albums ever, featuring “Hot And Nasty” (which still gets a spin on Classic Rock radio now and then), “Lord Have Mercy On My Soul”, “Uncle Lijiah”, “When Electricity Came To Arkansas” and a hilarious cover version of Marty Robbins’ 1956 classic “Singin’ the Blues”. Another humorous remake, LaVern Baker’s “Jim Dandy”, even cracked the Top 40 in early 1974, and throughout the early ‘70s, BOA was one of the hottest live acts in the country, and I wish I could have seen them in concert during their heyday, which is highlighted on their 30th anniversary DVD on Rhino. Although the production value is a bit lacking on the DVD (there’s a graphic on it saying they played at London’s "Royal Alberts Hall"!), the vintage footage of the band in concert is excellent.
The band’s success enabled them to purchase a large residential compound in north central Arkansas near the town of Oakland in the Ozark Mountains where the band lived and recreated for a few years but by the time they fulfilled their contract on Atco in 1975, record sales started drying up. Their three albums for MCA in ‘75 and ‘76 stiffed out, and then they panicked and dropped “Arkansas” from their name in 1977 in a failed attempt to de-Southernize the band. Mangrum gave the band a complete overhaul and brought in a bunch of “real musicians” to impress the critics with, while he himself actually tried to sing instead of growling. Didn’t work. They wound up looking and sounding like an edgy Pablo Cruise or something. The two just plain Black Oak albums they made for Capricorn Records (home of the Allman Bros.) were just plain flops, although 1977’s Race With The Devil had its moments, and by 1979, the band was history altogether.
Mangrum and Reynolds resurrected Black Oak Arkansas in the ‘90s and continue to tour today with an ever-changing lineup of younger musicians, and sadly, they don’t do the original band justice. It’s also unfortunate that most people only know of “Hot And Nasty” and “Jim Dandy”, because there was so much more to this band, and it’s a shame they are so vastly overlooked. Okay, even I will readily admit that musicianship-wise Black Oak Arkansas wasn’t a great band—good, yet hardly great—but being technically proficient isn’t always that important to me. Emerson Lake & Palmer were technically very good musicians—but live in concert, ELP was about as exhilarating as watching “World Series of Poker”. BOA’s music was just plain fun, and sometimes being fun and entertaining far outweighs being virtuosos, and I’ve found it’s damn near impossible to be in a bad mood while listening to a BOA record. Thus, while the aging hippies over at Rolling Stone still spend all their waking hours dissecting those Pink Floyd and King Crimson records note-for-note, I’ll continue to boogie to Jim and the boys. Jim Dandy to the rescue, indeed!
My all-time Black Oak Arkansas Top 21:
21) “I Could Love You” (1971) One of BOA’s edgier tunes, featuring guitarist Harvey “Burley” Jett playing with his wah-wah (pedal).
20) “Rock ‘N’ Roll” (1976) Not the famed Led Zep tune, but a BOA original, and one of the better songs from their uninspired three-album stint on MCA Records. A little studio trickery was used here, as they overdubbed concert crowd noise that grows louder as the song goes along and builds to a climactic crescendo.
19) “Taxman” (1975) Given George Harrison’s somewhat passive nature, he never really fit the part of a mean ol’ Taxman very well, but JD Mangrum sure did in this Dandy (sorry!) remake of GH’s Beatle classic.
18) “Up” (1973) Never recorded in the studio and only available on Black Oak’s first live release, Raunch ‘N’ Roll, it features one of the bitchinest drum solos I’ve ever heard, courtesy of Tommy Aldridge.
17) “Son Of A Gun” (1974) Love the attitude on this one from Street Party, which is about not worrying about other people’s expectations of you.
16) “Hey Y’all” (1974) Also from Street Party, this one became a perennial concert opener during their later years. The intro sounds a bit like Kiss’ “Detroit Rock City”.
15) “Memories At The Window” (1971) Sounding almost Guess Who-like in places, this one from the first album also features some nifty steel guitar from Stanley “Goober Grin” Knight.
14) “Fever In My Mind” (1972) Easily the best song off BOA’s rather weak second album Keep The Faith. It sounds even better on 1975’s Live Mutha!.
13) “Singin’ The Blues” (1971) BOA excelled at doing cover versions that improved upon their originals, and this remake of the Marty Robbins classic is a real stitch.
12) “Dixie” (1974) A fun little instrumental re-working of Granny Clampett’s favorite song sandwiched between an á capella intro and outro.
11) “Uncle Lijiah” (1971) Opening track off the first album, ol’ Lijiah seemed like he was a relative of the Clampetts. He’s still kickin’ at 105, too…
10) “Hot And Nasty” (1971) As a kid and prepubescent listening to this song, I didn’t fully comprehend what all the “Ah…ah…oooh!” stuff Jim was doing at the end was about. I got the full Monty years later when I saw Jim simulating the ol’ bump ‘n’ grind on stage on the DVD concert footage.
9) “Red Hot Lovin’” (1973) With lines like “Flaming redheads have notorious fame to make a man do crazy things…” and "I've got my rail in the oven...", this was no doubt inspired by redheaded singer Ruby Starr, whose band Grey Ghost often toured in tandem with BOA. Sadly, Ruby died of brain cancer in 1995.
8) “Jim Dandy” (1973) BOA’s only sniff of the Top 40, climbing all the way to #25. It rips LaVern Baker’s original to shreds.
7) “Lord Have Mercy On My Soul” (1971) Strange irony that a mean old agnostic like me would embrace a song with pseudo-religious undertones, but I’ve always loved this little ditty about the "Halls of Karma". The riff sounds kinda like the Hollies’ “Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)” too.
6) “Let Life Be Good To You” (1975) Ain’t Life Grand was easily BOA’s most underrated album, and on this track, Jim sings about living life to its fullest and doing stuff you enjoy. I’m not much of an outdoorsy-type, but the way Jim sang about “campin’ out, cookin’ trout, under a sky of blue…” almost made me want to grab a fishin’ pole!
5) “Race With The Devil” (1977) Respectable remake of a song by Adrian Gurvitz, this was easily the highlight of the just plain Black Oak period, but it was also the beginning of the end for BO(A). Heavy metal chick band Girlschool did an even meaner remake of RWTD in 1981.
4) “Hot Rod” (1973) Another fresh track introduced for the first time on the live Raunch ‘n’ Roll record. Just to clarify, it ain’t necessarily about speedy motor vehicles!
3) “Cryin' Shame” (1975) This song has a great riff and it’s very applicable for our current economic situation: “Any way you see it, the name’s the same/Can somebody tell me now, who’s to blame?...Livin’ like this is a cryin’ shame…”
2) “Rebel” (1975) Another excellent song from Ain’t Life Grand, all about living life on the lam. Should’ve been a staple on Classic Rock radio, but sadly, it wasn’t.
1) “When Electricity Came To Arkansas” (1971) This one had all the fundamentalist Christian pinheads (you can’t spell fundamentalist without “mental”, btw) in a tizzy because they thought it contained Satanic messages via the process of backward-masking. Funny how quickly they forgot all about “Lord Have Mercy On My Soul” played forwards, eh? Anyway, “Electricity” is mostly an instrumental (with a riff that sounds a bit like the “Odd Couple” theme), augmented with some communal chanting led by Jim Dandy. Utterly silly, but loads of fun, too.
The band’s success enabled them to purchase a large residential compound in north central Arkansas near the town of Oakland in the Ozark Mountains where the band lived and recreated for a few years but by the time they fulfilled their contract on Atco in 1975, record sales started drying up. Their three albums for MCA in ‘75 and ‘76 stiffed out, and then they panicked and dropped “Arkansas” from their name in 1977 in a failed attempt to de-Southernize the band. Mangrum gave the band a complete overhaul and brought in a bunch of “real musicians” to impress the critics with, while he himself actually tried to sing instead of growling. Didn’t work. They wound up looking and sounding like an edgy Pablo Cruise or something. The two just plain Black Oak albums they made for Capricorn Records (home of the Allman Bros.) were just plain flops, although 1977’s Race With The Devil had its moments, and by 1979, the band was history altogether.
Mangrum and Reynolds resurrected Black Oak Arkansas in the ‘90s and continue to tour today with an ever-changing lineup of younger musicians, and sadly, they don’t do the original band justice. It’s also unfortunate that most people only know of “Hot And Nasty” and “Jim Dandy”, because there was so much more to this band, and it’s a shame they are so vastly overlooked. Okay, even I will readily admit that musicianship-wise Black Oak Arkansas wasn’t a great band—good, yet hardly great—but being technically proficient isn’t always that important to me. Emerson Lake & Palmer were technically very good musicians—but live in concert, ELP was about as exhilarating as watching “World Series of Poker”. BOA’s music was just plain fun, and sometimes being fun and entertaining far outweighs being virtuosos, and I’ve found it’s damn near impossible to be in a bad mood while listening to a BOA record. Thus, while the aging hippies over at Rolling Stone still spend all their waking hours dissecting those Pink Floyd and King Crimson records note-for-note, I’ll continue to boogie to Jim and the boys. Jim Dandy to the rescue, indeed!
My all-time Black Oak Arkansas Top 21:
21) “I Could Love You” (1971) One of BOA’s edgier tunes, featuring guitarist Harvey “Burley” Jett playing with his wah-wah (pedal).
20) “Rock ‘N’ Roll” (1976) Not the famed Led Zep tune, but a BOA original, and one of the better songs from their uninspired three-album stint on MCA Records. A little studio trickery was used here, as they overdubbed concert crowd noise that grows louder as the song goes along and builds to a climactic crescendo.
19) “Taxman” (1975) Given George Harrison’s somewhat passive nature, he never really fit the part of a mean ol’ Taxman very well, but JD Mangrum sure did in this Dandy (sorry!) remake of GH’s Beatle classic.
18) “Up” (1973) Never recorded in the studio and only available on Black Oak’s first live release, Raunch ‘N’ Roll, it features one of the bitchinest drum solos I’ve ever heard, courtesy of Tommy Aldridge.
17) “Son Of A Gun” (1974) Love the attitude on this one from Street Party, which is about not worrying about other people’s expectations of you.
16) “Hey Y’all” (1974) Also from Street Party, this one became a perennial concert opener during their later years. The intro sounds a bit like Kiss’ “Detroit Rock City”.
15) “Memories At The Window” (1971) Sounding almost Guess Who-like in places, this one from the first album also features some nifty steel guitar from Stanley “Goober Grin” Knight.
14) “Fever In My Mind” (1972) Easily the best song off BOA’s rather weak second album Keep The Faith. It sounds even better on 1975’s Live Mutha!.
13) “Singin’ The Blues” (1971) BOA excelled at doing cover versions that improved upon their originals, and this remake of the Marty Robbins classic is a real stitch.
12) “Dixie” (1974) A fun little instrumental re-working of Granny Clampett’s favorite song sandwiched between an á capella intro and outro.
11) “Uncle Lijiah” (1971) Opening track off the first album, ol’ Lijiah seemed like he was a relative of the Clampetts. He’s still kickin’ at 105, too…
10) “Hot And Nasty” (1971) As a kid and prepubescent listening to this song, I didn’t fully comprehend what all the “Ah…ah…oooh!” stuff Jim was doing at the end was about. I got the full Monty years later when I saw Jim simulating the ol’ bump ‘n’ grind on stage on the DVD concert footage.
9) “Red Hot Lovin’” (1973) With lines like “Flaming redheads have notorious fame to make a man do crazy things…” and "I've got my rail in the oven...", this was no doubt inspired by redheaded singer Ruby Starr, whose band Grey Ghost often toured in tandem with BOA. Sadly, Ruby died of brain cancer in 1995.
8) “Jim Dandy” (1973) BOA’s only sniff of the Top 40, climbing all the way to #25. It rips LaVern Baker’s original to shreds.
7) “Lord Have Mercy On My Soul” (1971) Strange irony that a mean old agnostic like me would embrace a song with pseudo-religious undertones, but I’ve always loved this little ditty about the "Halls of Karma". The riff sounds kinda like the Hollies’ “Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)” too.
6) “Let Life Be Good To You” (1975) Ain’t Life Grand was easily BOA’s most underrated album, and on this track, Jim sings about living life to its fullest and doing stuff you enjoy. I’m not much of an outdoorsy-type, but the way Jim sang about “campin’ out, cookin’ trout, under a sky of blue…” almost made me want to grab a fishin’ pole!
5) “Race With The Devil” (1977) Respectable remake of a song by Adrian Gurvitz, this was easily the highlight of the just plain Black Oak period, but it was also the beginning of the end for BO(A). Heavy metal chick band Girlschool did an even meaner remake of RWTD in 1981.
4) “Hot Rod” (1973) Another fresh track introduced for the first time on the live Raunch ‘n’ Roll record. Just to clarify, it ain’t necessarily about speedy motor vehicles!
3) “Cryin' Shame” (1975) This song has a great riff and it’s very applicable for our current economic situation: “Any way you see it, the name’s the same/Can somebody tell me now, who’s to blame?...Livin’ like this is a cryin’ shame…”
2) “Rebel” (1975) Another excellent song from Ain’t Life Grand, all about living life on the lam. Should’ve been a staple on Classic Rock radio, but sadly, it wasn’t.
1) “When Electricity Came To Arkansas” (1971) This one had all the fundamentalist Christian pinheads (you can’t spell fundamentalist without “mental”, btw) in a tizzy because they thought it contained Satanic messages via the process of backward-masking. Funny how quickly they forgot all about “Lord Have Mercy On My Soul” played forwards, eh? Anyway, “Electricity” is mostly an instrumental (with a riff that sounds a bit like the “Odd Couple” theme), augmented with some communal chanting led by Jim Dandy. Utterly silly, but loads of fun, too.
Hunt for Red Blogtober
SWINGIN’ IN THE RAIN, JUST SWINGIN’ IN THE RAIN…
Much jaw-jacking has ensued since Monday night’s suspension of Game 5 of the World Series in Philadelphia amongst the talking heads on ESPN and local sports talk yakkers about whether the game should’ve even been started in the first place. Some have supported Commish Bud Selig’s decision to try to get the game in, while others are calling for his head for the umpteenth time. I tend to side with Selig on this one. If nothing else, I say just be glad he isn’t threatening to move this game to Milwaukee’s Miller Park, too! Meanwhile, the debate rages on about the wisdom of playing beisbol this late into October, to which local sports radio hack Soren Petro says there should be a rule requiring all Major League teams to build retractable-roof stadiums in order to avoid situations like this. Riiiight.
Once again, please allow yours truly to be the voice of reason and offer a more sensible solution: if MLB insists on playing three sets of postseason series, then either schedule doubleheaders during the regular season or start the friggin’ playoffs a week earlier! Another thing—eliminate these pointless off-days during the postseason, except for when teams must travel cross-country. Teams usually play three straight weeks (or more) without a day off during the regular season—why should that change in the playoffs?
Granted, rainouts can occur any time of year, but they could somewhat increase the chances of avoiding having to play baseball on frozen tundra in 20-degree wind chills (like tonight’s conditions in Philly) by finishing the World Series no later than, say, October 24th. This could easily be accomplished by simply starting the regular season a week earlier during the last week of March. Do we really need a whole month’s worth of Spring Training games anyway? After about two weeks of exhibition games, the players are bored out of their skulls and ready to play for keeps.
Yes, I know it’ll be just as cold in late March as it is now in Philly and the other Northern cities, so to counteract that, I suggest opening every season in the warm-weather sites (So. California, Texas, Arizona, Florida) and stadiums with roofs (Toronto, Seattle, Milwaukee) for the first week-to-ten days. It wouldn’t be that much of a disadvantage for teams like Detroit, Cleveland, Boston, the two New Yorks, the two Chicagos, et al, to open on the road every year—it all evens out with 81 home games and 81 road games in the long run. Meantime, the old-school purist in me (and most assuredly Ernie Banks) would like to see the revival of the almighty doubleheader. There was a time when it was tradition for all teams to schedule twin-bills on Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day, but we’ll never see that again. In any event, there’s no reason why the baseball postseason should drag on like a Presidential election campaign.
DON’T EAT AT JOE’S
Can we please put a stop to all the Joe-the-This and Joe-the-That crap already? Just another lame cliché the politicians and media grab onto and run with. Freakin’ asinine…
LIMBO LITTLE LOWER NOW!
Man, I never thought I’d see this again—gas for under $2.00 a gallon! I passed a place on the way home tonight selling gas for $1.93. Let’s keep it that way for a while, shall we?
Now for the big question—since gas is now like half of what it cost us just three months ago, how come the price of meat and dairy products hasn’t decreased accordingly? I thought the reason for the spike in meat and dairy prices was because it cost so much more to transport the cows and pigs and such, so why are t-bone steaks still $9.00 a pound? Oh right, I forgot—gots ta keep dat profit margin up, right fellas?
HONOR THY FATHER?
Boy, what a loving Dad good ol’ Isiah Thomas must be, judging by the way he threw his own daughter under the bus by claiming she was the one who OD’ed on sleeping pills at his house last week, when indeed it was actually him passed out on the floor getting worked over by Morpheus. I think this all goes a long way in explaining why he was such an inept coach and general manager with the New York Knicks (not to mention that sexual-harassment trial debacle). Thomas was a great player, no doubt about it, but beyond that, he seems to be a real horse’s ass.
THEY DON’T KNOW ME VERY WELL, DO THEY?
I love Netflix to death because they carry all the old-school TV shows on DVD that I love to watch, but their computer-generated movie recommendations leave a bit to be desired. Because of my interest in ‘70s fare like "Sanford & Son", "Happy Days" and "Cannon", Netflix thinks I will also enjoy the likes of "I, Claudius", "Eleanor & Franklin" and "Upstairs, Downstairs". This is precisely what happens when we let computers do our thinking for us. Uhhh, I think I’ll pass…
BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!
Speaking of Netflix videos that I enjoyed, last weekend I rented an old HBO concert featuring Pat Benatar from the 1983 Get Nervous tour, in which she "looked good enough to take to Chinatown", to use Fred Sanford’s yardstick. Pat still looks pretty good today, but I’d almost forgotten how truly sexy she was back then, as she helped this growing boy get through puberty!
Two things I noticed during this video: 1) Pat's guitarist/husband Neil Giraldo bore an eerie resemblance to actor Patrick Swayze during that time, and 2) to her credit, Benatar didn’t resort to disappearing backstage after every fourth song to change into another outfit, which is SOP for the likes of Madonna, Britney Spears, Janet Jackson and even Stevie Nicks. Thankfully, Pat saw no need to turn her concerts into runway fashion shows, thus she merely relied on her own natural talent as a singer to put on a great show. Besides, that little cocktail dress, evening gloves, black hose and high heels looked just dandy on her—if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
Based on my interest in this video, I’m sure Netflix will probably recommend "Mantovanni In Concert", or worse, maybe the fictional "Helen Reddy—the Las Vegas Years" mentioned on a Cheech & Chong record way back when…
RADIO, SOMEONE STILL LOVES YOU…
Listening to over-the-air radio is becoming more and more excruciating as time wears on. Every station on FM (regardless of musical format) sounds the same anymore, and you’re lucky to even hear live DJs in this day and age. The Rock stations around here might as well all be automated, especially after the latest round of firings of popular on-air personalities at the Scumulus (er uh, Cumulus) conglomerate. The once-promising new Boulevard station has been rendered almost unlistenable by the constant hawking of their "No Repeat Workday", which they make sure to remind us about every ten minutes. I’d just as soon they repeat a song or two every day just to avoid the constant harangue.
A quick scan across the AM dial during my lunch break today was just as depressing. All we get around here on AM are syndicated hacks like Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura on the ultra-conservative news/talk stations, Dickey Dick-Brain Jim Rome over on the sports station, a couple of Jesus stations telling us we’re all going to hell next week (but please send us some money first) and three Spanish stations that have seemingly materialized out of nowhere in the last couple months. About the only thing worth listening to at lunchtime was financial guru Dave Ramsey, and even he got rather tedious after only a few minutes. I’m unable to listen to AM throughout the day at work because our MR magnet kills any AM signal, but it would appear I ain’t missing much. Pretty damn sad…
AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS…
As AC/DC sings, "Let’s get it up!" Special thanks to Greg (aka "Fork") for sending me this one!
Much jaw-jacking has ensued since Monday night’s suspension of Game 5 of the World Series in Philadelphia amongst the talking heads on ESPN and local sports talk yakkers about whether the game should’ve even been started in the first place. Some have supported Commish Bud Selig’s decision to try to get the game in, while others are calling for his head for the umpteenth time. I tend to side with Selig on this one. If nothing else, I say just be glad he isn’t threatening to move this game to Milwaukee’s Miller Park, too! Meanwhile, the debate rages on about the wisdom of playing beisbol this late into October, to which local sports radio hack Soren Petro says there should be a rule requiring all Major League teams to build retractable-roof stadiums in order to avoid situations like this. Riiiight.
Once again, please allow yours truly to be the voice of reason and offer a more sensible solution: if MLB insists on playing three sets of postseason series, then either schedule doubleheaders during the regular season or start the friggin’ playoffs a week earlier! Another thing—eliminate these pointless off-days during the postseason, except for when teams must travel cross-country. Teams usually play three straight weeks (or more) without a day off during the regular season—why should that change in the playoffs?
Granted, rainouts can occur any time of year, but they could somewhat increase the chances of avoiding having to play baseball on frozen tundra in 20-degree wind chills (like tonight’s conditions in Philly) by finishing the World Series no later than, say, October 24th. This could easily be accomplished by simply starting the regular season a week earlier during the last week of March. Do we really need a whole month’s worth of Spring Training games anyway? After about two weeks of exhibition games, the players are bored out of their skulls and ready to play for keeps.
Yes, I know it’ll be just as cold in late March as it is now in Philly and the other Northern cities, so to counteract that, I suggest opening every season in the warm-weather sites (So. California, Texas, Arizona, Florida) and stadiums with roofs (Toronto, Seattle, Milwaukee) for the first week-to-ten days. It wouldn’t be that much of a disadvantage for teams like Detroit, Cleveland, Boston, the two New Yorks, the two Chicagos, et al, to open on the road every year—it all evens out with 81 home games and 81 road games in the long run. Meantime, the old-school purist in me (and most assuredly Ernie Banks) would like to see the revival of the almighty doubleheader. There was a time when it was tradition for all teams to schedule twin-bills on Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day, but we’ll never see that again. In any event, there’s no reason why the baseball postseason should drag on like a Presidential election campaign.
DON’T EAT AT JOE’S
Can we please put a stop to all the Joe-the-This and Joe-the-That crap already? Just another lame cliché the politicians and media grab onto and run with. Freakin’ asinine…
LIMBO LITTLE LOWER NOW!
Man, I never thought I’d see this again—gas for under $2.00 a gallon! I passed a place on the way home tonight selling gas for $1.93. Let’s keep it that way for a while, shall we?
Now for the big question—since gas is now like half of what it cost us just three months ago, how come the price of meat and dairy products hasn’t decreased accordingly? I thought the reason for the spike in meat and dairy prices was because it cost so much more to transport the cows and pigs and such, so why are t-bone steaks still $9.00 a pound? Oh right, I forgot—gots ta keep dat profit margin up, right fellas?
HONOR THY FATHER?
Boy, what a loving Dad good ol’ Isiah Thomas must be, judging by the way he threw his own daughter under the bus by claiming she was the one who OD’ed on sleeping pills at his house last week, when indeed it was actually him passed out on the floor getting worked over by Morpheus. I think this all goes a long way in explaining why he was such an inept coach and general manager with the New York Knicks (not to mention that sexual-harassment trial debacle). Thomas was a great player, no doubt about it, but beyond that, he seems to be a real horse’s ass.
THEY DON’T KNOW ME VERY WELL, DO THEY?
I love Netflix to death because they carry all the old-school TV shows on DVD that I love to watch, but their computer-generated movie recommendations leave a bit to be desired. Because of my interest in ‘70s fare like "Sanford & Son", "Happy Days" and "Cannon", Netflix thinks I will also enjoy the likes of "I, Claudius", "Eleanor & Franklin" and "Upstairs, Downstairs". This is precisely what happens when we let computers do our thinking for us. Uhhh, I think I’ll pass…
BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!
Speaking of Netflix videos that I enjoyed, last weekend I rented an old HBO concert featuring Pat Benatar from the 1983 Get Nervous tour, in which she "looked good enough to take to Chinatown", to use Fred Sanford’s yardstick. Pat still looks pretty good today, but I’d almost forgotten how truly sexy she was back then, as she helped this growing boy get through puberty!
Two things I noticed during this video: 1) Pat's guitarist/husband Neil Giraldo bore an eerie resemblance to actor Patrick Swayze during that time, and 2) to her credit, Benatar didn’t resort to disappearing backstage after every fourth song to change into another outfit, which is SOP for the likes of Madonna, Britney Spears, Janet Jackson and even Stevie Nicks. Thankfully, Pat saw no need to turn her concerts into runway fashion shows, thus she merely relied on her own natural talent as a singer to put on a great show. Besides, that little cocktail dress, evening gloves, black hose and high heels looked just dandy on her—if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
Based on my interest in this video, I’m sure Netflix will probably recommend "Mantovanni In Concert", or worse, maybe the fictional "Helen Reddy—the Las Vegas Years" mentioned on a Cheech & Chong record way back when…
RADIO, SOMEONE STILL LOVES YOU…
Listening to over-the-air radio is becoming more and more excruciating as time wears on. Every station on FM (regardless of musical format) sounds the same anymore, and you’re lucky to even hear live DJs in this day and age. The Rock stations around here might as well all be automated, especially after the latest round of firings of popular on-air personalities at the Scumulus (er uh, Cumulus) conglomerate. The once-promising new Boulevard station has been rendered almost unlistenable by the constant hawking of their "No Repeat Workday", which they make sure to remind us about every ten minutes. I’d just as soon they repeat a song or two every day just to avoid the constant harangue.
A quick scan across the AM dial during my lunch break today was just as depressing. All we get around here on AM are syndicated hacks like Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura on the ultra-conservative news/talk stations, Dickey Dick-Brain Jim Rome over on the sports station, a couple of Jesus stations telling us we’re all going to hell next week (but please send us some money first) and three Spanish stations that have seemingly materialized out of nowhere in the last couple months. About the only thing worth listening to at lunchtime was financial guru Dave Ramsey, and even he got rather tedious after only a few minutes. I’m unable to listen to AM throughout the day at work because our MR magnet kills any AM signal, but it would appear I ain’t missing much. Pretty damn sad…
AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS…
As AC/DC sings, "Let’s get it up!" Special thanks to Greg (aka "Fork") for sending me this one!Monday, October 27, 2008
"They Died Old"--Volume VII
"The Corner"
It was one of my favorite ballparks to watch games (both baseball and football) from on TV over the years, and it’s been a while since I did a stadium tribute, so here’s to one of the most venerable ballparks in Major League history, Detroit’s Tiger Stadium. Located at the corner of Michigan Ave. and Trumbull St. (or just plain “The Corner” as the locals call it there) on the southwest side of downtown Motown, it opened the same day as Boston’s Fenway Park in 1912, and was originally known as Navin Field. The stadium was expanded several times over the years, and was known for a time as Briggs Stadium before settling on the name Tiger Stadium in 1961. With a capacity of over 50,000, it still managed to be a rather intimate ballpark, with a press box that practically hovered over home plate, and seating that made you feel right on top of the action.
My first memories of Tiger Stadium on TV are actually of the Detroit Lions playing football there in the early ‘70s, especially on their annual Thanksgiving Day games. It seemed like whenever the Lions were on TV, it was always rainy and/or snowy, and the field was total wreck, which suited me just fine—I love watching football played in the muck! The original opening title sequence of ABC’s “Monday Night Football” featured Tiger Stadium in Lions mode, with the massive bank of arc lights towering overhead, and whenever I see that old video, it takes me back to when I was seven and just obsessed with football in general. I was so very disappointed to learn during their final Turkey Day game at TS in 1974 that the Lions would be moving to the sterile Silverdome in Pontiac the following year. At least it snowed during that game—one more for the road…
Baseball, of course, was the main course at The Corner, and Detroit certainly has had its fair share of Hall of Famers and superstars on the diamond, with the likes of Hank Greenberg, Al Kaline, Mickey Cochrane, Mickey Lolich, Lou Whitaker, Alan Trammell, Kirk Gibson and Jack Morris, along with the ever-wacky Mark “The Bird” Fidrych and a guy who I think had one of the coolest names in sports history, third baseman Aurelio Rodriguez. And everyone remembers Reggie Jackson’s mammoth home run that damn near left the stadium (but for the light tower on the right field roof) in the 1971 All-Star Game. The Tigers’ 1968 championship season helped to ease at least some of the racial tension caused by the riots that summer, while their 1984 World Series victory over San Diego actually caused riots in the city! Through it all, Tiger Stadium stood tall.
Like most old parks, TS had lots of goofy quirks, like the right field upper deck that actually hung over the warning track, causing some would-be fly-outs to be home runs. Dead center field was 440 feet from home plate, so if anyone hit a home run in that direction, they earned it. There was the flagpole that was in-play in left center field, and I also loved the old-school scoreboard imbedded in the short left field wall. Screw these new high-tech, multi-color video screens that nearly every stadium has in its outfield wall now, I say—they got no soul at all! Another feature I always thought as cool was the bunker-like bullpen dugouts along the foul lines. The players didn’t think quite so highly of them, though, as evidently they were beastly hot during the summer, so most of the pitchers sat around on folding chairs outside of the dugouts. And then there were the gangplank-like concrete walkways that led to the upper deck. 
Old Municipal Stadium here in K.C. had them too, as does Chicago’s Wrigley Field, and I loved looking down over the people downstairs while walking across. Sadly, they don’t make ballparks like these anymore…
I paid my only visit to Tiger Stadium on a frigid May night (that’s right, frigid May night!) in 1991, and enjoyed what I saw. While the concourses were a tad on the dirty side, I was surprised at how immaculate the seating areas were and impressed with the overall condition of the stadium for its age. My thought is if they had acted then, they may well have been able to do a full-fledged renovation and preserve Tiger Stadium instead of building their fancy new (yet totally soulless) ballpark, even if it meant playing a season or two somehow in the putrid Silverdome in the interim. One of Tiger Stadium’s final hurrahs came when it hosted the opening night of the Kiss Reunion Tour on June 28, 1996. TS was an odd choice of venue, given that it hadn’t hosted a concert in ages, and that Kiss could’ve easily packed in twice as many people up in Pontiac, but it wound up being a smashing success and a great time was had by all. TS closed down for good on September 26, 1999 as the Tigers beat the Royals, who also helped close down Minnesota’s Metropolitan Stadium in 1981.
Not long after it closed, Tiger Stadium even did a little acting, standing in for the original Yankee Stadium right field corner and dugouts in Billy Crystal’s fine film 61* about the late Roger Maris. Workers went through and painted the seats green to resemble the old ones at the House That Ruth Built, then actually went back and restored them to their original orange and blue after filming was completed, even though they’d never be used again anyway. The ball diamond at Tiger Stadium has also been continuously maintained since the park closed, even during its recent partial demolition.
There have been a few preservation efforts, including one called the Cochrane Plan back in the ‘90s that was fairly ambitious, except for when it came to actually financing it. There was even talk of incorporating part of the Tiger Stadium stands into a new hockey arena for the Red Wings and developing the rest of the stadium into an office complex, but I think that’s about all it was—talk. Sadly, what ultimately killed Tiger Stadium (besides its age) is the neighborhood it resides in, which is not exactly rife for development in the area surrounding the ballpark. I don’t mean to prolong the stereotype that ALL of Detroit is a hell-hole—I’ve been there many times and it’s not as bad as people make it out to be—but it just didn’t make any sense to pour zillions of dollars into refurbishing a stadium that sits in an area similar to downtown Baghdad, thus we now have Comerica Park a mile away in a much more user-friendly entertainment district.
The stadium stood vacant and time ravaged it mercilessly (see above pic) until this past summer when demolition began on the left field stands. Yet another last-ditch preservation attempt led by legendary Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell has resulted in a compromise of sorts, as the grandstand from first base to third base remains standing with the hope that it can be put back into use as either a museum or possibly even as minor league ballpark, thus we’re left with what you see in this pic. I guess half a ballpark is better than none at all, but it sure looks weird to me. Nevertheless, the “Field of Dreams” at The Corner was a true classic.
It was one of my favorite ballparks to watch games (both baseball and football) from on TV over the years, and it’s been a while since I did a stadium tribute, so here’s to one of the most venerable ballparks in Major League history, Detroit’s Tiger Stadium. Located at the corner of Michigan Ave. and Trumbull St. (or just plain “The Corner” as the locals call it there) on the southwest side of downtown Motown, it opened the same day as Boston’s Fenway Park in 1912, and was originally known as Navin Field. The stadium was expanded several times over the years, and was known for a time as Briggs Stadium before settling on the name Tiger Stadium in 1961. With a capacity of over 50,000, it still managed to be a rather intimate ballpark, with a press box that practically hovered over home plate, and seating that made you feel right on top of the action.
My first memories of Tiger Stadium on TV are actually of the Detroit Lions playing football there in the early ‘70s, especially on their annual Thanksgiving Day games. It seemed like whenever the Lions were on TV, it was always rainy and/or snowy, and the field was total wreck, which suited me just fine—I love watching football played in the muck! The original opening title sequence of ABC’s “Monday Night Football” featured Tiger Stadium in Lions mode, with the massive bank of arc lights towering overhead, and whenever I see that old video, it takes me back to when I was seven and just obsessed with football in general. I was so very disappointed to learn during their final Turkey Day game at TS in 1974 that the Lions would be moving to the sterile Silverdome in Pontiac the following year. At least it snowed during that game—one more for the road…
Baseball, of course, was the main course at The Corner, and Detroit certainly has had its fair share of Hall of Famers and superstars on the diamond, with the likes of Hank Greenberg, Al Kaline, Mickey Cochrane, Mickey Lolich, Lou Whitaker, Alan Trammell, Kirk Gibson and Jack Morris, along with the ever-wacky Mark “The Bird” Fidrych and a guy who I think had one of the coolest names in sports history, third baseman Aurelio Rodriguez. And everyone remembers Reggie Jackson’s mammoth home run that damn near left the stadium (but for the light tower on the right field roof) in the 1971 All-Star Game. The Tigers’ 1968 championship season helped to ease at least some of the racial tension caused by the riots that summer, while their 1984 World Series victory over San Diego actually caused riots in the city! Through it all, Tiger Stadium stood tall.
Like most old parks, TS had lots of goofy quirks, like the right field upper deck that actually hung over the warning track, causing some would-be fly-outs to be home runs. Dead center field was 440 feet from home plate, so if anyone hit a home run in that direction, they earned it. There was the flagpole that was in-play in left center field, and I also loved the old-school scoreboard imbedded in the short left field wall. Screw these new high-tech, multi-color video screens that nearly every stadium has in its outfield wall now, I say—they got no soul at all! Another feature I always thought as cool was the bunker-like bullpen dugouts along the foul lines. The players didn’t think quite so highly of them, though, as evidently they were beastly hot during the summer, so most of the pitchers sat around on folding chairs outside of the dugouts. And then there were the gangplank-like concrete walkways that led to the upper deck. 
Old Municipal Stadium here in K.C. had them too, as does Chicago’s Wrigley Field, and I loved looking down over the people downstairs while walking across. Sadly, they don’t make ballparks like these anymore…I paid my only visit to Tiger Stadium on a frigid May night (that’s right, frigid May night!) in 1991, and enjoyed what I saw. While the concourses were a tad on the dirty side, I was surprised at how immaculate the seating areas were and impressed with the overall condition of the stadium for its age. My thought is if they had acted then, they may well have been able to do a full-fledged renovation and preserve Tiger Stadium instead of building their fancy new (yet totally soulless) ballpark, even if it meant playing a season or two somehow in the putrid Silverdome in the interim. One of Tiger Stadium’s final hurrahs came when it hosted the opening night of the Kiss Reunion Tour on June 28, 1996. TS was an odd choice of venue, given that it hadn’t hosted a concert in ages, and that Kiss could’ve easily packed in twice as many people up in Pontiac, but it wound up being a smashing success and a great time was had by all. TS closed down for good on September 26, 1999 as the Tigers beat the Royals, who also helped close down Minnesota’s Metropolitan Stadium in 1981.
Not long after it closed, Tiger Stadium even did a little acting, standing in for the original Yankee Stadium right field corner and dugouts in Billy Crystal’s fine film 61* about the late Roger Maris. Workers went through and painted the seats green to resemble the old ones at the House That Ruth Built, then actually went back and restored them to their original orange and blue after filming was completed, even though they’d never be used again anyway. The ball diamond at Tiger Stadium has also been continuously maintained since the park closed, even during its recent partial demolition.
There have been a few preservation efforts, including one called the Cochrane Plan back in the ‘90s that was fairly ambitious, except for when it came to actually financing it. There was even talk of incorporating part of the Tiger Stadium stands into a new hockey arena for the Red Wings and developing the rest of the stadium into an office complex, but I think that’s about all it was—talk. Sadly, what ultimately killed Tiger Stadium (besides its age) is the neighborhood it resides in, which is not exactly rife for development in the area surrounding the ballpark. I don’t mean to prolong the stereotype that ALL of Detroit is a hell-hole—I’ve been there many times and it’s not as bad as people make it out to be—but it just didn’t make any sense to pour zillions of dollars into refurbishing a stadium that sits in an area similar to downtown Baghdad, thus we now have Comerica Park a mile away in a much more user-friendly entertainment district.
The stadium stood vacant and time ravaged it mercilessly (see above pic) until this past summer when demolition began on the left field stands. Yet another last-ditch preservation attempt led by legendary Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell has resulted in a compromise of sorts, as the grandstand from first base to third base remains standing with the hope that it can be put back into use as either a museum or possibly even as minor league ballpark, thus we’re left with what you see in this pic. I guess half a ballpark is better than none at all, but it sure looks weird to me. Nevertheless, the “Field of Dreams” at The Corner was a true classic.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I don't care if your legs start achin'...
...I'm a California Man—Not! But at least I've been there...
RIGHTEOUS BUCKS
It seems that the Republican National Committee hath spent over $150,000 on Sarah Palin’s wardrobe and other “campaign accessories” since she became John McCain’s bitch—I mean, running mate. This included 75 grand at a Nieman-Marcus in the Twin Cities, nearly 42 grand at another one in St. Louis and $4,100 for “makeup and hair consulting.” And these people have the nerve to call themselves conservatives?
Now I realize that the options for different styles might be a tad limited back home in Moose Twit, Alaska (they don’t even have a Wal-Mart up there yet, do they?), but surely Ms. Winky-Dink already had some nice threads of her own, being a politician and all. Apparently $150,000 must not buy much these days, because some of the stuff I’ve seen her wear looks like K-Mart blue-light specials to me. And four grand for makeup and hair? The woman’s in her mid-40s and doesn’t know how to do her makeup by now? And how much tutoring does a woman require to learn how to wad her hair up in a scrunchie (sp?) and call it hairstyle? What a fucking waste of money…
The GOP claims that the clothes will eventually be donated to charity. Yeah, right—I’ll believe that on the day Ted Nugent does a cover version of “It’s Hard To Be Humble”…
COUNTING THE DAYS…
Hang in there, kids, this interminable election campaign is almost over, thankfully. Doesn’t it seem like it’s gone on for like three years, or what? Some states are allowing early voting now, which I think is a step in the right direction, but I’d like to see more changes on how we elect a President. First off, this Electoral College thing should’ve been scrapped ages ago. The U.S. was a much different country and not even a quarter of the size it is now when the EC was conceived, and there was a time when it served a purpose, but now it’s as obsolete as Big Band Music and Edsels. I find it inconceivable in our modern-day world that a candidate can win the Popular Vote, yet not be elected President.
Another thing that’s always bugged me—why do we always hold elections on a weekday when most people are working? Why can’t the polls stay open later in the evening (until say, 10:00) when people have more free time? Better yet, why not conduct elections on Saturdays (or even entire weekends) when most everybody can get out and there would be no more excuses for not voting?
YEAH, THAT’LL FIX HIM, ALRIGHT!
This week, local K.C. radio sports talk hack Neal Jones is encouraging his listeners to all wear green t-shirts to the next Chefs home game that read “FIRE CARL” (in reference to GM Carl Peterson). Sure, that’ll really get the message across and turn the team around. His rationale is if the shirts are green and have no Chiefs logos or profanity on them, they’ll stand out and the Thought Police at Arrowhead can’t possibly ask the fans to remove them. Okey-fine…
I have a slightly more devious idea that would be infinitely more effective—encourage people to cease renewing their season tickets with the Chefs! A near-empty stadium on opening day, 2009 would speak louder than a bunch of crappy t-shirts ever could. If I were a Chiefs season ticket holder, I wouldn’t spend another dime on this team until owner Clark Hunt cleans house in the front office and the coaching staff.
HERMSPEAK
Check out the following quote from Chefs head coach Herm Edwards yesterday regarding perpetual dumbass running back Larry Johnson:
"Decisions of all that will take place when it has to be made...I don't have to make a decision on who's starting, not starting. That's kind of where that's at. Whatever I do, hopefully I think you know me by now, people know me by now, I'm going to do the right thing for the football team. That's where it stands with me."
I have never seen anyone who can use so many words and not say a damn thing quite like Herm can. He’s sort of a hybrid of a politician and an evangelist. I’ve tried giving Edwards the benefit of the doubt, but his shuck-and-jive routine with the media is wearing really thin on me, and I find it hard to believe he really means half the stuff he says anymore. I’m ready for the Bill Cowher era to begin in Kansas City ASAP…
And the cloud over Arrowhead Stadium grows darker by the day, as today the Chefs had to put QB Damon Huard on the Injured Reserve list in addition to starter Brodie Croyle, who we already knew was out for the year. I'd volunteer to help out at the QB situation, but I'm afraid I'd look like Peter Griffin trying to elude those defensive tackles. The Chefs' mascot, K.C. Wolf, may well have to suit up on Sunday.
As for Johnson, it’s pretty obvious that he’s on the verge of becoming another Pacman Jones, as this latest incident involving him spitting his drink all over some gal at a local nightclub is becoming a trend—like four times in the last five years he's been accused of doing something uncouth with a woman at a bar late at night. He got up in front of the media and gave some half-hearted apology to the team and the fans today, but I didn't buy any of it. LJ needs to quit hanging out with his buddy Jay-Z and his homey entourage and stay home a little more and read his playbook, methinks. With the economy being what it is today, it’s now even more galling to see talented athletes like Jones and Johnson piss their money and careers away that others would give their left nuts to have.
REGRETS, HE’S HAD A FEW…
Speaking of talented athletes who pissed their money and career away, the poster child for that movement, Jose Canseco, admitted on A&E Monday that maybe he shouldn’t have written that tell-all book about steroid usage in baseball because now everybody’s mad at him. Well, duh! This guy was a whiner when he played, he was a whiner when he retired, and he’s an even bigger whiner now that he’s broke and can’t get it up anymore. Cry me a friggin’ river, Jose…
BUH-BYE!
You won’t see me shedding any tears over this week’s passing of self-appointed fashion critic Mr. Blackwell. Although some of the people this insufferable twit targeted with his verbal barbs deserved it (Madonna, Bjork, et al), many of them didn’t (Renee Zellweger, Meryl Streep, etc.), and I’ve never understood why he was so revered in Hollywood. I always wanted to say to him, “Who asked you, anyway?” Good riddance to an asshole, I say…
THAT CAT NAMED HERCULEZ!
Congrats to K.C. Wiz(ards) player Herculez Gomez for scoring his first goal with the team in their victory against San Jose on Saturday. Good timing too, as it turned out to be a game-winner in what they call "extra time" in MLS that may well propel our local futbol team into the postseason. Mamma Klump would be so proud—Herculez! Herculez! Herculez!
MY SERIES PROGNOSTICATION
I say Tampa Bay Rays in six games on the World Serious. Or as football guru Mike Ditka called them the other day, the "Tampa Ray Bays"! Nothing personal against the Phillies—they actually seem to have more talent on paper—but TB has been bucking the trend all season, so why pick against them now? Should be a fun series, no matter what, and I like the fact that either a team who's never won it all or a team that's long overdue for a championship will prevail, not to mention that neither the Red Sox or Yankees are not involved.
A little historical tidbit for you—tonight will mark the first time a World Series game has ever been played in a former National Hockey League venue. Easy to forget that Tropicana Field (aka Florida Suncoast Dome) was once home to the Tampa Bay Lightning back in the '90s when they used to draw crowds over 20,000 with alarming frequency when the place was known as the "Thunderdome".
TEARIN’ DOWN THE HOUSE…
Here's a shot of the ongoing demolition of New York’s Shea Stadium. It’s literally standing room only at Flushing Meadow now…
And here's something you don't see every day—transporting oversized fruit from one ballpark to another!
RIGHTEOUS BUCKS
It seems that the Republican National Committee hath spent over $150,000 on Sarah Palin’s wardrobe and other “campaign accessories” since she became John McCain’s bitch—I mean, running mate. This included 75 grand at a Nieman-Marcus in the Twin Cities, nearly 42 grand at another one in St. Louis and $4,100 for “makeup and hair consulting.” And these people have the nerve to call themselves conservatives?
Now I realize that the options for different styles might be a tad limited back home in Moose Twit, Alaska (they don’t even have a Wal-Mart up there yet, do they?), but surely Ms. Winky-Dink already had some nice threads of her own, being a politician and all. Apparently $150,000 must not buy much these days, because some of the stuff I’ve seen her wear looks like K-Mart blue-light specials to me. And four grand for makeup and hair? The woman’s in her mid-40s and doesn’t know how to do her makeup by now? And how much tutoring does a woman require to learn how to wad her hair up in a scrunchie (sp?) and call it hairstyle? What a fucking waste of money…
The GOP claims that the clothes will eventually be donated to charity. Yeah, right—I’ll believe that on the day Ted Nugent does a cover version of “It’s Hard To Be Humble”…
COUNTING THE DAYS…
Hang in there, kids, this interminable election campaign is almost over, thankfully. Doesn’t it seem like it’s gone on for like three years, or what? Some states are allowing early voting now, which I think is a step in the right direction, but I’d like to see more changes on how we elect a President. First off, this Electoral College thing should’ve been scrapped ages ago. The U.S. was a much different country and not even a quarter of the size it is now when the EC was conceived, and there was a time when it served a purpose, but now it’s as obsolete as Big Band Music and Edsels. I find it inconceivable in our modern-day world that a candidate can win the Popular Vote, yet not be elected President.
Another thing that’s always bugged me—why do we always hold elections on a weekday when most people are working? Why can’t the polls stay open later in the evening (until say, 10:00) when people have more free time? Better yet, why not conduct elections on Saturdays (or even entire weekends) when most everybody can get out and there would be no more excuses for not voting?
YEAH, THAT’LL FIX HIM, ALRIGHT!
This week, local K.C. radio sports talk hack Neal Jones is encouraging his listeners to all wear green t-shirts to the next Chefs home game that read “FIRE CARL” (in reference to GM Carl Peterson). Sure, that’ll really get the message across and turn the team around. His rationale is if the shirts are green and have no Chiefs logos or profanity on them, they’ll stand out and the Thought Police at Arrowhead can’t possibly ask the fans to remove them. Okey-fine…
I have a slightly more devious idea that would be infinitely more effective—encourage people to cease renewing their season tickets with the Chefs! A near-empty stadium on opening day, 2009 would speak louder than a bunch of crappy t-shirts ever could. If I were a Chiefs season ticket holder, I wouldn’t spend another dime on this team until owner Clark Hunt cleans house in the front office and the coaching staff.
HERMSPEAK
Check out the following quote from Chefs head coach Herm Edwards yesterday regarding perpetual dumbass running back Larry Johnson:
"Decisions of all that will take place when it has to be made...I don't have to make a decision on who's starting, not starting. That's kind of where that's at. Whatever I do, hopefully I think you know me by now, people know me by now, I'm going to do the right thing for the football team. That's where it stands with me."
I have never seen anyone who can use so many words and not say a damn thing quite like Herm can. He’s sort of a hybrid of a politician and an evangelist. I’ve tried giving Edwards the benefit of the doubt, but his shuck-and-jive routine with the media is wearing really thin on me, and I find it hard to believe he really means half the stuff he says anymore. I’m ready for the Bill Cowher era to begin in Kansas City ASAP…
And the cloud over Arrowhead Stadium grows darker by the day, as today the Chefs had to put QB Damon Huard on the Injured Reserve list in addition to starter Brodie Croyle, who we already knew was out for the year. I'd volunteer to help out at the QB situation, but I'm afraid I'd look like Peter Griffin trying to elude those defensive tackles. The Chefs' mascot, K.C. Wolf, may well have to suit up on Sunday.
As for Johnson, it’s pretty obvious that he’s on the verge of becoming another Pacman Jones, as this latest incident involving him spitting his drink all over some gal at a local nightclub is becoming a trend—like four times in the last five years he's been accused of doing something uncouth with a woman at a bar late at night. He got up in front of the media and gave some half-hearted apology to the team and the fans today, but I didn't buy any of it. LJ needs to quit hanging out with his buddy Jay-Z and his homey entourage and stay home a little more and read his playbook, methinks. With the economy being what it is today, it’s now even more galling to see talented athletes like Jones and Johnson piss their money and careers away that others would give their left nuts to have.
REGRETS, HE’S HAD A FEW…
Speaking of talented athletes who pissed their money and career away, the poster child for that movement, Jose Canseco, admitted on A&E Monday that maybe he shouldn’t have written that tell-all book about steroid usage in baseball because now everybody’s mad at him. Well, duh! This guy was a whiner when he played, he was a whiner when he retired, and he’s an even bigger whiner now that he’s broke and can’t get it up anymore. Cry me a friggin’ river, Jose…
BUH-BYE!
You won’t see me shedding any tears over this week’s passing of self-appointed fashion critic Mr. Blackwell. Although some of the people this insufferable twit targeted with his verbal barbs deserved it (Madonna, Bjork, et al), many of them didn’t (Renee Zellweger, Meryl Streep, etc.), and I’ve never understood why he was so revered in Hollywood. I always wanted to say to him, “Who asked you, anyway?” Good riddance to an asshole, I say…
THAT CAT NAMED HERCULEZ!
Congrats to K.C. Wiz(ards) player Herculez Gomez for scoring his first goal with the team in their victory against San Jose on Saturday. Good timing too, as it turned out to be a game-winner in what they call "extra time" in MLS that may well propel our local futbol team into the postseason. Mamma Klump would be so proud—Herculez! Herculez! Herculez!
MY SERIES PROGNOSTICATION
I say Tampa Bay Rays in six games on the World Serious. Or as football guru Mike Ditka called them the other day, the "Tampa Ray Bays"! Nothing personal against the Phillies—they actually seem to have more talent on paper—but TB has been bucking the trend all season, so why pick against them now? Should be a fun series, no matter what, and I like the fact that either a team who's never won it all or a team that's long overdue for a championship will prevail, not to mention that neither the Red Sox or Yankees are not involved.
A little historical tidbit for you—tonight will mark the first time a World Series game has ever been played in a former National Hockey League venue. Easy to forget that Tropicana Field (aka Florida Suncoast Dome) was once home to the Tampa Bay Lightning back in the '90s when they used to draw crowds over 20,000 with alarming frequency when the place was known as the "Thunderdome".
TEARIN’ DOWN THE HOUSE…
Here's a shot of the ongoing demolition of New York’s Shea Stadium. It’s literally standing room only at Flushing Meadow now…
And here's something you don't see every day—transporting oversized fruit from one ballpark to another!Sunday, October 19, 2008
Here comes Mr. Bill's blog...
Oh, noooooooo!
LEVI STUBBS, 1936-2008
Sad news on the music front with the passing Friday of Four Tops lead singer Levi Stubbs. Levi had one of the more distinctive voices in Pop music, and although he was accused of over-emoting at times, Stubbs put such classics as "Reach Out...I'll Be There", "Bernadette" and "Standing In The Shadows Of Love" over the top with his peerless vocals. Sadly, Levi was forced to retire about eight years ago because of declining health with strokes and cancer. He was also known as the voice of "Audrey II" in the 1986 Steve Martin film Little Shop of Horrors. Rest in peace, Levi...
NEAL HEFTI, 1922-2008
Similar to the late Earle Hagen, who passed away a few months back, you may not know the name, but you know of this man's work if you watched TV at all in the '60s and '70s. Neal Hefti was a jazz musician/composer who came up with two of the most distinctive TV show themes of all-time, "Batman" and "The Odd Couple". Hefti passed away last weekend of natural causes.
MIKE LIVINGSTON, WHERE ARE YOU?!?
As I type, I am watching what is becoming a weekly Sunday ritual around these parts as el Chiefos are being stomped by the Tennessee Titans at the 'Head, during which K.C.'s "quarterback of the future"—one Brodie Croyle—went out of the season with a knee injury in the first half. Back-up Damon Huard is now out with a hand injury as well. Somebody get Steve DeBerg, Steve Fuller or Bill Kenney on the phone right away! Joe Montana's not doing anything these days, is he? Even Todd Blackledge or (gulp!) Steve Bono would be a step in the right direction. If nothing else, the Chefs are turning the "three-and-out" into an art form this season. That's okay, though—I picked up the Titans defense, as well as their kicker for my fantasy team this week.
Btw, John, my good friend, if I'm still being too cynical for you and it irritates you that much, then don't read my blog anymore—I'm cynical, therefore for I am...
M.U. = P.U.!
Sad to say, but the Missouri Tigers just can't get quite over the hump—as I've feared—and got smoked by Texas last night 56-31 in Austin. It was 35-0 at halftime and Missouri looked like—hate to say this—the Chefs. Kansas looked no better against Oklahoma in Norman yesterday, either.
GET A NEW RUG, ST. LOUIE!
I was rather bemused while watching the highlights of the Cowboys-Rams game today in St. Lou at how ugly their FieldTurf playing surface is at the Ram Dome. I haven't seen anything this hideous since the "Jungle Room" at Graceland. Watch "SportsCenter" on ESPN tonight and you'll see what I mean...
HEIDI-HEIDI HO!
Interesting match-up in the NFL today as the New York Jets travel to Oakland to play the Raiders in the almost-40th anniversary of the famed "Heidi Game" of 1968. For the uninitiated, on November 17, 1968, the Jets and Raiders played a very exciting game that New York was on the verge of winning 32-29 with 1:06 remaining on the clock, but some crazy shit happened during the final 66 seconds, and the Raiders won the game 43-32, but most of the nation didn't get to see the end of the game because NBC cut away to its regularly-scheduled broadcast of the childrens' show "Heidi" at 7PM, Eastern time. Irate viewers blew out the switchboards in Gotham City, and because of the tumult this thing caused, the networks haven't cut away from football broadcasts (or those of any other sport) until their conclusion since. What I find cool about this game today is it's being played on the same field and both team's uniforms are virtually identical to those worn in 1968. Too bad Joe Namath and Daryle Lamonica can't still suit up...
The funniest story I ever heard about this game was when Jets coach Weeb Ewbank received a postgame phone call in the locker room from his wife, congratulating him on his "victory", to which he responded, "What the hell you talking about? We lost the #^%&*@@~ game!"
IT'S A GAS, GAS, GAS!
When I returned from California back in late August, gas was still priced at around $3.66 a gallon in the K.C. area. Today, not even two months later, you can fill up for $2.35 a gallon! That's a difference of $1.31 a gallon in less in barely seven weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but something ain't right here. Why did the price of gas ever have to be that high in the first place?
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #99
"Success Story"—THE WHO (1975) "I'm your fairy manager...you shall play at Carnegie Hall!" I had trouble making out what the mighty Ox said here during his little spoken passage. I thought he said, "I'm you film manager—you shall play a comic role..." Big Johnnie Twinkle was a little hard to understand at times...
HYPOCRISY, 101
Very disgusted on this end to hear that the new AC/DC album due out Tuesday will only be available only at your local Wal-Mart store for two reasons: A) That AC/DC is following the lead of The Eagles in succumbing to this corporate bullshit in the first place, and B) that Wally-World would even want to be involved in promoting a heavy metal act in their ultra-conservative/über-Christian marketplace. After all, these are the same people who banned those veritable heathens Judas Priest from their music shelves not so long ago, and would only dare to stock anything as edgy as the New Christy Minstrels, Donny Osmond, John Denver and Yanni. Hell, even the Partridge Family and ABBA would've been deemed too satanic for these sanctimonious pussies back in the day. A pox on both entities here...
DOMO ARIGATO? NO THANKS, MR. ROBOTO!
After reading Styx bassist Chuck Panozzo's biography, I decided to rent the Styx concert DVD Caught Live In The Act from 1984 that chronicled the 1983 Kilroy Was Here tour. After 25 years, I'd forgotten how truly heinous this thing was! Looking back now, I think I was pretty kind to this debacle in my review of this show in "Concert Trek - Episode 5"--upon further review, it was worse that I remembered with the stilted dialogue and hackneyed acting. I have no doubt that Panozzo and guitarists Tommy Shaw and James "J.Y." Young just cringe when they watch this abomination today. In his book, CP admitted that he would just sit quietly with his bass offstage and not even watch the first ten minutes of the show while Shaw and Dennis DeYoung hammed it up for the audience. DeYoung's Broadway-style theater elements were definitely not a good mix at all, and it's no mystery as to why this once-mighty band fell apart not soon afterwards. The DVD wasn't totally wretched, though—it also includes nearly all of Styx's music videos from the '70s and '80s (some of which are quite good) as a bonus feature, which I found far more entertaining that the feature presentation.
LEVI STUBBS, 1936-2008
Sad news on the music front with the passing Friday of Four Tops lead singer Levi Stubbs. Levi had one of the more distinctive voices in Pop music, and although he was accused of over-emoting at times, Stubbs put such classics as "Reach Out...I'll Be There", "Bernadette" and "Standing In The Shadows Of Love" over the top with his peerless vocals. Sadly, Levi was forced to retire about eight years ago because of declining health with strokes and cancer. He was also known as the voice of "Audrey II" in the 1986 Steve Martin film Little Shop of Horrors. Rest in peace, Levi...
NEAL HEFTI, 1922-2008
Similar to the late Earle Hagen, who passed away a few months back, you may not know the name, but you know of this man's work if you watched TV at all in the '60s and '70s. Neal Hefti was a jazz musician/composer who came up with two of the most distinctive TV show themes of all-time, "Batman" and "The Odd Couple". Hefti passed away last weekend of natural causes.
MIKE LIVINGSTON, WHERE ARE YOU?!?
As I type, I am watching what is becoming a weekly Sunday ritual around these parts as el Chiefos are being stomped by the Tennessee Titans at the 'Head, during which K.C.'s "quarterback of the future"—one Brodie Croyle—went out of the season with a knee injury in the first half. Back-up Damon Huard is now out with a hand injury as well. Somebody get Steve DeBerg, Steve Fuller or Bill Kenney on the phone right away! Joe Montana's not doing anything these days, is he? Even Todd Blackledge or (gulp!) Steve Bono would be a step in the right direction. If nothing else, the Chefs are turning the "three-and-out" into an art form this season. That's okay, though—I picked up the Titans defense, as well as their kicker for my fantasy team this week.
Btw, John, my good friend, if I'm still being too cynical for you and it irritates you that much, then don't read my blog anymore—I'm cynical, therefore for I am...
M.U. = P.U.!
Sad to say, but the Missouri Tigers just can't get quite over the hump—as I've feared—and got smoked by Texas last night 56-31 in Austin. It was 35-0 at halftime and Missouri looked like—hate to say this—the Chefs. Kansas looked no better against Oklahoma in Norman yesterday, either.
GET A NEW RUG, ST. LOUIE!
I was rather bemused while watching the highlights of the Cowboys-Rams game today in St. Lou at how ugly their FieldTurf playing surface is at the Ram Dome. I haven't seen anything this hideous since the "Jungle Room" at Graceland. Watch "SportsCenter" on ESPN tonight and you'll see what I mean...
HEIDI-HEIDI HO!
Interesting match-up in the NFL today as the New York Jets travel to Oakland to play the Raiders in the almost-40th anniversary of the famed "Heidi Game" of 1968. For the uninitiated, on November 17, 1968, the Jets and Raiders played a very exciting game that New York was on the verge of winning 32-29 with 1:06 remaining on the clock, but some crazy shit happened during the final 66 seconds, and the Raiders won the game 43-32, but most of the nation didn't get to see the end of the game because NBC cut away to its regularly-scheduled broadcast of the childrens' show "Heidi" at 7PM, Eastern time. Irate viewers blew out the switchboards in Gotham City, and because of the tumult this thing caused, the networks haven't cut away from football broadcasts (or those of any other sport) until their conclusion since. What I find cool about this game today is it's being played on the same field and both team's uniforms are virtually identical to those worn in 1968. Too bad Joe Namath and Daryle Lamonica can't still suit up...
The funniest story I ever heard about this game was when Jets coach Weeb Ewbank received a postgame phone call in the locker room from his wife, congratulating him on his "victory", to which he responded, "What the hell you talking about? We lost the #^%&*@@~ game!"
IT'S A GAS, GAS, GAS!
When I returned from California back in late August, gas was still priced at around $3.66 a gallon in the K.C. area. Today, not even two months later, you can fill up for $2.35 a gallon! That's a difference of $1.31 a gallon in less in barely seven weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but something ain't right here. Why did the price of gas ever have to be that high in the first place?
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #99
"Success Story"—THE WHO (1975) "I'm your fairy manager...you shall play at Carnegie Hall!" I had trouble making out what the mighty Ox said here during his little spoken passage. I thought he said, "I'm you film manager—you shall play a comic role..." Big Johnnie Twinkle was a little hard to understand at times...
HYPOCRISY, 101
Very disgusted on this end to hear that the new AC/DC album due out Tuesday will only be available only at your local Wal-Mart store for two reasons: A) That AC/DC is following the lead of The Eagles in succumbing to this corporate bullshit in the first place, and B) that Wally-World would even want to be involved in promoting a heavy metal act in their ultra-conservative/über-Christian marketplace. After all, these are the same people who banned those veritable heathens Judas Priest from their music shelves not so long ago, and would only dare to stock anything as edgy as the New Christy Minstrels, Donny Osmond, John Denver and Yanni. Hell, even the Partridge Family and ABBA would've been deemed too satanic for these sanctimonious pussies back in the day. A pox on both entities here...
DOMO ARIGATO? NO THANKS, MR. ROBOTO!
After reading Styx bassist Chuck Panozzo's biography, I decided to rent the Styx concert DVD Caught Live In The Act from 1984 that chronicled the 1983 Kilroy Was Here tour. After 25 years, I'd forgotten how truly heinous this thing was! Looking back now, I think I was pretty kind to this debacle in my review of this show in "Concert Trek - Episode 5"--upon further review, it was worse that I remembered with the stilted dialogue and hackneyed acting. I have no doubt that Panozzo and guitarists Tommy Shaw and James "J.Y." Young just cringe when they watch this abomination today. In his book, CP admitted that he would just sit quietly with his bass offstage and not even watch the first ten minutes of the show while Shaw and Dennis DeYoung hammed it up for the audience. DeYoung's Broadway-style theater elements were definitely not a good mix at all, and it's no mystery as to why this once-mighty band fell apart not soon afterwards. The DVD wasn't totally wretched, though—it also includes nearly all of Styx's music videos from the '70s and '80s (some of which are quite good) as a bonus feature, which I found far more entertaining that the feature presentation.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
La-La-La-La means...
…I forgot the words!
Sorry, couldn’t resist a little pun on the classic Delfonics hit from 1969—about as smooth as they get, too!
I REMEMBER WHEN ROCK WAS YOUNG…
…and that seems an eternity ago now. I saw by the paper today that the Steve Miller Band is scheduled to play a show on New Year’s Eve at the Pavilion at John Knox Village in nearby Lee’s Summit. Sounds like a swingin’ concert venue, right? Guess again—John Knox is a retirement village! Now I realize that Steve Miller just turned 65 himself a couple weeks ago, but Rock ‘N’ Roll in an old-folks’ home?!? I’m not sure which is more warped about this, the venue or that they have the chutzpah to charge $60 a head to get in for a guy who hasn’t put out a decent record in over 20 years. They also say .38 Special is playing the Pavilion in February for 40 bucks a pop. Wouldn’t $38 tickets be more appropo for the occasion?
LIVING IN THE PAST
There’s yet another Kiss CD box set due out this week, called Kiss Ikons. One box set wasn’t enough? This time, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley have contrived to put out this four-disc, 60-song compilation with each disc featuring one original band member’s vocals exclusively—i.e. a Gene disc, a Paul disc, et al. Even Peter Criss gets a full-fledged disc here. Jeez, you can only repackage the band’s music so many ways, dude. I’m reminded of how the record company milked the late Jim Croce’s music catalog to death by first putting out a best-of album Photographs & Memories, then followed it up with Jim Croce’s Greatest Character Songs and Jim Croce’s Greatest Hits that Start With The Letter R, et al. Pretty warped, considering the man only put out three full studio albums in the first place…
And so it goes with Kiss. This continual rehash of old Kiss material only serves to alienate long-time fans like me—how’s about a NEW Kiss album, Gene? No way in hell we’ll ever get a new record out of the original lineup with Ace and Peter, but I wouldn’t mind hearing what Kiss would sound like in the studio with Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer on some new material. Stanley at least still writes and records songs, having released a solo album two years ago that wasn’t half-bad, but Gene is apparently content to rest on his laurels (and his fat ass) and continue mining the past, which unfortunately is very finite. It isn’t just Kiss who practices this—it seems like just about every Classic Rock act suddenly lost their creativity in the early ‘90s and they don’t even try to produce anything new and meaningful now. Why is this? I’ve posed this question before here, but has Rock ‘N’ Roll truly run out of things to say? As much as I loathe the music of John Cougar Bandcamp, I at least give him credit for continuing to give his fans some new stuff now and then.
TRULY SATANIC
Tonight on the hockey docket: New Jersey at Atlanta. This means tomorrow we can honestly say "The Devils went down to Georgia…" As you may or may not know, the New Jersey Devils are my favorite NHL squad, and I’ve always thought us fans should be called the "Devils’ Advocates"…
MORE RANCOR AT ARROWHEAD
The Chefs tried and failed to trade disgruntled tight end Tony Gonzalez this week after he asked the team to deal him to a contender. Can’t say I blame him, really—this team is going nowhere fast, and apparently owner Clark Hunt has no intention of cleaning house in the front office and/or coaching staff anytime soon. Meantime, running back Larry Johnson has been accused of being a dumbass again over some shoving incident with a woman at a bar last February. I’m surprised the Chefs aren’t on some sort of TV reality show by now…
By the way, does anyone out there know why ESPN’s Chris Berman always calls Larry Johnson "Grandmamma"? I understand Boomer’s penchant for nicknaming every player, but the only Grandmamma I can think of in popular culture was on "The Addams Family", and she bore no resemblance to LJ.
THANK YOU, PHILLIES!
For making it to the World Series. I don’t think I could take the whole Manny Ramirez vs. Boston soap opera that Fox Sports was hoping for. Looks like the Red Sox may not even make it to the Show themselves either. Fine by me, as I always like to see a new match-up in the Series, especially involving a team that hasn't won it or even been in it before.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #98
"Good Lovin’ Gone Bad"—BAD COMPANY (1976) "And when I say 'it's over, that’s it--I’m gonna quit!'" Paul Rodgers confused me by sounding indecisive here: "That’s IF I’m gonna quit."
THE BLUEBIRD OF LAMENESS
Apparently Missouri can’t "Show Me" any more creative car tags for 2008-09, so we’re stuck with these beyond dull models. And why is the state bird of Missouri a Bluebird? In all of my 44 years living in this state, I have yet to see an actual live Bluebird in the flesh. I’m not even sure if Bluebirds are indigenous to this region. Hell, the state bird of Mo. oughtta be the Grackle! I have a yard full of these buggers every Spring…
MORE CHILDHOOD DELUSIONS SHATTERED…
I hear that actress Maureen McCormick is releasing a tell-all bio on herself, and I’m not sure I want to read it or not. I imagine she tarted up her story quite a bit in order to sell more books, but from the sounds of it, she wasn’t as sweet and innocent as we all thought, and led a fairly sordid off-screen life away from Chez Brady. Oh, Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!
ONE ACROSS YOUR LIPS!
To Hollywood’s continual lack of creativity, as it seems there were plans in place for a "Sanford & Son" big-screen film sometime next year. That plan was scuttled by the untimely death of comedian Bernie Mac, as evidently he was going to play Fred before he wound up having his own "Big One" (of sorts) for real back in August. Bad ideas seem to fly around Tinsel Town these days like chairs at a taping of "Geraldo"…
ALL THAT JAZZ
I've added a new link for your entertainment call "Jazz From Hell". No, it's not a site about Kenny G or John Tesh, but rather a cool blog my friend Stacy turned me on to that has some pretty good political commentary. The guy reminds me of me at times...
Sorry, couldn’t resist a little pun on the classic Delfonics hit from 1969—about as smooth as they get, too!
I REMEMBER WHEN ROCK WAS YOUNG…
…and that seems an eternity ago now. I saw by the paper today that the Steve Miller Band is scheduled to play a show on New Year’s Eve at the Pavilion at John Knox Village in nearby Lee’s Summit. Sounds like a swingin’ concert venue, right? Guess again—John Knox is a retirement village! Now I realize that Steve Miller just turned 65 himself a couple weeks ago, but Rock ‘N’ Roll in an old-folks’ home?!? I’m not sure which is more warped about this, the venue or that they have the chutzpah to charge $60 a head to get in for a guy who hasn’t put out a decent record in over 20 years. They also say .38 Special is playing the Pavilion in February for 40 bucks a pop. Wouldn’t $38 tickets be more appropo for the occasion?
LIVING IN THE PAST
There’s yet another Kiss CD box set due out this week, called Kiss Ikons. One box set wasn’t enough? This time, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley have contrived to put out this four-disc, 60-song compilation with each disc featuring one original band member’s vocals exclusively—i.e. a Gene disc, a Paul disc, et al. Even Peter Criss gets a full-fledged disc here. Jeez, you can only repackage the band’s music so many ways, dude. I’m reminded of how the record company milked the late Jim Croce’s music catalog to death by first putting out a best-of album Photographs & Memories, then followed it up with Jim Croce’s Greatest Character Songs and Jim Croce’s Greatest Hits that Start With The Letter R, et al. Pretty warped, considering the man only put out three full studio albums in the first place…
And so it goes with Kiss. This continual rehash of old Kiss material only serves to alienate long-time fans like me—how’s about a NEW Kiss album, Gene? No way in hell we’ll ever get a new record out of the original lineup with Ace and Peter, but I wouldn’t mind hearing what Kiss would sound like in the studio with Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer on some new material. Stanley at least still writes and records songs, having released a solo album two years ago that wasn’t half-bad, but Gene is apparently content to rest on his laurels (and his fat ass) and continue mining the past, which unfortunately is very finite. It isn’t just Kiss who practices this—it seems like just about every Classic Rock act suddenly lost their creativity in the early ‘90s and they don’t even try to produce anything new and meaningful now. Why is this? I’ve posed this question before here, but has Rock ‘N’ Roll truly run out of things to say? As much as I loathe the music of John Cougar Bandcamp, I at least give him credit for continuing to give his fans some new stuff now and then.
TRULY SATANIC
Tonight on the hockey docket: New Jersey at Atlanta. This means tomorrow we can honestly say "The Devils went down to Georgia…" As you may or may not know, the New Jersey Devils are my favorite NHL squad, and I’ve always thought us fans should be called the "Devils’ Advocates"…
MORE RANCOR AT ARROWHEAD
The Chefs tried and failed to trade disgruntled tight end Tony Gonzalez this week after he asked the team to deal him to a contender. Can’t say I blame him, really—this team is going nowhere fast, and apparently owner Clark Hunt has no intention of cleaning house in the front office and/or coaching staff anytime soon. Meantime, running back Larry Johnson has been accused of being a dumbass again over some shoving incident with a woman at a bar last February. I’m surprised the Chefs aren’t on some sort of TV reality show by now…
By the way, does anyone out there know why ESPN’s Chris Berman always calls Larry Johnson "Grandmamma"? I understand Boomer’s penchant for nicknaming every player, but the only Grandmamma I can think of in popular culture was on "The Addams Family", and she bore no resemblance to LJ.
THANK YOU, PHILLIES!
For making it to the World Series. I don’t think I could take the whole Manny Ramirez vs. Boston soap opera that Fox Sports was hoping for. Looks like the Red Sox may not even make it to the Show themselves either. Fine by me, as I always like to see a new match-up in the Series, especially involving a team that hasn't won it or even been in it before.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #98
"Good Lovin’ Gone Bad"—BAD COMPANY (1976) "And when I say 'it's over, that’s it--I’m gonna quit!'" Paul Rodgers confused me by sounding indecisive here: "That’s IF I’m gonna quit."
THE BLUEBIRD OF LAMENESS
Apparently Missouri can’t "Show Me" any more creative car tags for 2008-09, so we’re stuck with these beyond dull models. And why is the state bird of Missouri a Bluebird? In all of my 44 years living in this state, I have yet to see an actual live Bluebird in the flesh. I’m not even sure if Bluebirds are indigenous to this region. Hell, the state bird of Mo. oughtta be the Grackle! I have a yard full of these buggers every Spring…MORE CHILDHOOD DELUSIONS SHATTERED…
I hear that actress Maureen McCormick is releasing a tell-all bio on herself, and I’m not sure I want to read it or not. I imagine she tarted up her story quite a bit in order to sell more books, but from the sounds of it, she wasn’t as sweet and innocent as we all thought, and led a fairly sordid off-screen life away from Chez Brady. Oh, Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!
ONE ACROSS YOUR LIPS!
To Hollywood’s continual lack of creativity, as it seems there were plans in place for a "Sanford & Son" big-screen film sometime next year. That plan was scuttled by the untimely death of comedian Bernie Mac, as evidently he was going to play Fred before he wound up having his own "Big One" (of sorts) for real back in August. Bad ideas seem to fly around Tinsel Town these days like chairs at a taping of "Geraldo"…
ALL THAT JAZZ
I've added a new link for your entertainment call "Jazz From Hell". No, it's not a site about Kenny G or John Tesh, but rather a cool blog my friend Stacy turned me on to that has some pretty good political commentary. The guy reminds me of me at times...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
First Class, A-#1 American Crappola at its finest
The following is a good example of what the late George Carlin would call a "real bullshit story". It’s also a glaring example of one of the big downsides to our Internet society. It’s an e-mail that a good friend of mine passed along to me that someone had forwarded to him and countless other people out there who now believe its contents as the gospel truth. Too bad it’s a total pack of lies…
[NOTE: I didn’t alter any of the text, but I did clean up the author’s abominable punctuation!]
Perhaps there are SOME out there who are beginning to get "the picture". The following is a narrative taken from Sunday Morning's televised "'Meet The Press" and the author is employed by none other than the Washington Post!! Yeah......the Washington Post of New York and Los Angeles Times fame!! Must say that I'm dually impressed..................
From Sunday's Televised "Meet the Press", Senator Obama was asked about his stance on the American Flag. [Obama Explains National Anthem Stance Sun, 07 Sept. 2008 11:48:04 EST], General Bill Ginn' USAF (ret.) asked Obama to explain why he doesn't follow protocol when the National Anthem is played. The General also stated to the Senator that according to the United States Code, Title 36, Chapter 10, Sec. 171... During rendition of the national anthem when the flag is displayed, all present except those in uniform are expected to stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand over the heart. At the very least, "Stand and Face It."Senator Obama Live on Sunday states, "As I've said about the flag pin, I don't want to be perceived as taking sides," Obama said. "There are a lot of people in the world to whom the American flag is a symbol of oppression. And the anthem itself conveys a war-like message. You know, the ‘bombs bursting in air’ and all. It should be swapped for something less parochial and less bellicose. I like the song "I'd Like To Teach the World To Sing." If that were our anthem, then I might salute it. We should consider to reinvent our National Anthem as well as to redesign our Flag to better offer our enemies hope and love. It's my intention, if elected, to disarm America to the level of acceptance to our Middle East Brethren. If we as a nation of warring people, should conduct ourselves as the nations of Islam, whereas peace prevails. Perhaps a state or period of mutual concord between our governments. When I become President, I will seek a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity, and a freedom from disquieting oppressive thoughts. We as a Nation have placed upon the nations of Islam an unfair injustice. My wife disrespects the Flag for many personal reasons. Together she and I have attended several flag burning ceremonies in the past, many years ago. She has her views and I have mine. Of course now, I have found myself about to become the President of the United States and I have put aside my hatred. I will use my power to bring CHANGE to this Nation, and offer the people a new path of hope. My wife and I look forward to becoming our Country's First Family. Indeed, CHANGE is about to overwhelm the United States of America."
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you heard it right. This could possibly be our next President. I, for one, am speechless.
I, too, would be speechless—if I actually believed this steaming pile of pigeon pellets!
There’s just one little problem with the above spiel—Sen. Obama never made these remarks! A quick check of the "Meet The Press" transcripts (which can easily be found on msnbc.com) proves that neither Obama or this General Ginn character appeared on the show on September 7th. Joltin’ Joe Biden was Tom Brokaw’s sole guest on that day, and even if Obama was indeed on the program, what the hell would this Ginn goomer be doing asking the questions? That’s Brokaw’s (and formerly the late Tim Russert’s) job. The cats over at snopes.com also shed plenty of light on this malarkey to explain how it got circulated in the first place.
Does anyone in their right mind think that Obama would really be THAT colossally stupid to make those remarks two months prior to the election? It would be political suicide! And even if he did say this crap, don’t you think the conservative media mongooses (mongeese?) like Bill O’Retard, Rush Limburger, Sean Calamity, (D)Ann Coulter, Michelle "Squawkin’" Malkin, et al, would’ve been all over this like flies on shit? It’s all you would’ve heard on the nightly news for a freakin’ month! Even if you despise Barack Obama with all your heart, you have to admit that this kind of deliberate misinformation that preys upon people’s biases and prejudices is downright irresponsible. If you don’t like Obama (or any candidate, for that matter), then fine, but don’t just make up stuff to convince people not to vote for him!
Naturally, many of the recipients of e-mails like these WANT this stuff to be true so they can use it to justify their bias against on Obama instead of (or in addition to) just their usual hang-ups and/or ignorance in regards to him. Shit, whoever wrote this thing could’ve claimed that Barack Obama also farts fire, owns white female teenage slaves and intends to appoint Michael Jackson as his Secretary of State if he’s elected, and they’d friggin’ believe it! The Internet is a wonderful thing, but it can be a double-edged sword that allows misguided cretins to hide behind their computers and screen names, and I find it pathetic that so many people (including my friend) all too often base their political opinions on an e-mail originated by some schmuck that they probably never even met before passes along to them without even checking the facts.
As for the lapel pin thing, I covered this several months ago on here—I don’t give a damn if a candidate wears a flag pin on his lapel or a carnation that squirts water! I wanna know what they plan to do to lead us out of the abyss we find ourselves in. And as for the "Star Spangled Banner", I personally think it’s a stupid song—the melody is atrocious and it’s difficult for even trained professionals to sing, and like it or not, all you conservatives, it DOES make us sound like a bunch of war mongers to other nations. I’ve long felt that "America The Beautiful" or "My Country ‘Tis of Thee" should be our National Anthem anyway—they’re much prettier songs in much the same vein as "Oh, Canada". Then again, given the current state of our nation, perhaps "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones might be more appropriate. But, I digress…
Getting back to the e-mail thing, sadly this kind of stuff also fosters hateful crap like this that our good friend Dr. Sardonicus posted over on his blog. What sucks the most is there ain’t a damn thing we can do about it until people wise up and get educated about what’s what and who’s who. I do give John McCain credit for attempting to muzzle some of his own followers who accuse Obama of being a terrorist. Far too late to gain my vote at this point, but it goes to show he at least has some class and isn’t totally wretched. So why does he continue to allow his own running mate, Ms. Winky Dink, to essentially do the same thing at her recent campaign stops?
And the band played on…
[NOTE: I didn’t alter any of the text, but I did clean up the author’s abominable punctuation!]
Perhaps there are SOME out there who are beginning to get "the picture". The following is a narrative taken from Sunday Morning's televised "'Meet The Press" and the author is employed by none other than the Washington Post!! Yeah......the Washington Post of New York and Los Angeles Times fame!! Must say that I'm dually impressed..................
From Sunday's Televised "Meet the Press", Senator Obama was asked about his stance on the American Flag. [Obama Explains National Anthem Stance Sun, 07 Sept. 2008 11:48:04 EST], General Bill Ginn' USAF (ret.) asked Obama to explain why he doesn't follow protocol when the National Anthem is played. The General also stated to the Senator that according to the United States Code, Title 36, Chapter 10, Sec. 171... During rendition of the national anthem when the flag is displayed, all present except those in uniform are expected to stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand over the heart. At the very least, "Stand and Face It."Senator Obama Live on Sunday states, "As I've said about the flag pin, I don't want to be perceived as taking sides," Obama said. "There are a lot of people in the world to whom the American flag is a symbol of oppression. And the anthem itself conveys a war-like message. You know, the ‘bombs bursting in air’ and all. It should be swapped for something less parochial and less bellicose. I like the song "I'd Like To Teach the World To Sing." If that were our anthem, then I might salute it. We should consider to reinvent our National Anthem as well as to redesign our Flag to better offer our enemies hope and love. It's my intention, if elected, to disarm America to the level of acceptance to our Middle East Brethren. If we as a nation of warring people, should conduct ourselves as the nations of Islam, whereas peace prevails. Perhaps a state or period of mutual concord between our governments. When I become President, I will seek a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity, and a freedom from disquieting oppressive thoughts. We as a Nation have placed upon the nations of Islam an unfair injustice. My wife disrespects the Flag for many personal reasons. Together she and I have attended several flag burning ceremonies in the past, many years ago. She has her views and I have mine. Of course now, I have found myself about to become the President of the United States and I have put aside my hatred. I will use my power to bring CHANGE to this Nation, and offer the people a new path of hope. My wife and I look forward to becoming our Country's First Family. Indeed, CHANGE is about to overwhelm the United States of America."
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you heard it right. This could possibly be our next President. I, for one, am speechless.
I, too, would be speechless—if I actually believed this steaming pile of pigeon pellets!
There’s just one little problem with the above spiel—Sen. Obama never made these remarks! A quick check of the "Meet The Press" transcripts (which can easily be found on msnbc.com) proves that neither Obama or this General Ginn character appeared on the show on September 7th. Joltin’ Joe Biden was Tom Brokaw’s sole guest on that day, and even if Obama was indeed on the program, what the hell would this Ginn goomer be doing asking the questions? That’s Brokaw’s (and formerly the late Tim Russert’s) job. The cats over at snopes.com also shed plenty of light on this malarkey to explain how it got circulated in the first place.
Does anyone in their right mind think that Obama would really be THAT colossally stupid to make those remarks two months prior to the election? It would be political suicide! And even if he did say this crap, don’t you think the conservative media mongooses (mongeese?) like Bill O’Retard, Rush Limburger, Sean Calamity, (D)Ann Coulter, Michelle "Squawkin’" Malkin, et al, would’ve been all over this like flies on shit? It’s all you would’ve heard on the nightly news for a freakin’ month! Even if you despise Barack Obama with all your heart, you have to admit that this kind of deliberate misinformation that preys upon people’s biases and prejudices is downright irresponsible. If you don’t like Obama (or any candidate, for that matter), then fine, but don’t just make up stuff to convince people not to vote for him!
Naturally, many of the recipients of e-mails like these WANT this stuff to be true so they can use it to justify their bias against on Obama instead of (or in addition to) just their usual hang-ups and/or ignorance in regards to him. Shit, whoever wrote this thing could’ve claimed that Barack Obama also farts fire, owns white female teenage slaves and intends to appoint Michael Jackson as his Secretary of State if he’s elected, and they’d friggin’ believe it! The Internet is a wonderful thing, but it can be a double-edged sword that allows misguided cretins to hide behind their computers and screen names, and I find it pathetic that so many people (including my friend) all too often base their political opinions on an e-mail originated by some schmuck that they probably never even met before passes along to them without even checking the facts.
As for the lapel pin thing, I covered this several months ago on here—I don’t give a damn if a candidate wears a flag pin on his lapel or a carnation that squirts water! I wanna know what they plan to do to lead us out of the abyss we find ourselves in. And as for the "Star Spangled Banner", I personally think it’s a stupid song—the melody is atrocious and it’s difficult for even trained professionals to sing, and like it or not, all you conservatives, it DOES make us sound like a bunch of war mongers to other nations. I’ve long felt that "America The Beautiful" or "My Country ‘Tis of Thee" should be our National Anthem anyway—they’re much prettier songs in much the same vein as "Oh, Canada". Then again, given the current state of our nation, perhaps "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones might be more appropriate. But, I digress…
Getting back to the e-mail thing, sadly this kind of stuff also fosters hateful crap like this that our good friend Dr. Sardonicus posted over on his blog. What sucks the most is there ain’t a damn thing we can do about it until people wise up and get educated about what’s what and who’s who. I do give John McCain credit for attempting to muzzle some of his own followers who accuse Obama of being a terrorist. Far too late to gain my vote at this point, but it goes to show he at least has some class and isn’t totally wretched. So why does he continue to allow his own running mate, Ms. Winky Dink, to essentially do the same thing at her recent campaign stops?
And the band played on…
Monday, October 13, 2008
Well said!
I generally try not to pirate that which others have written, but a very recent letter on the op-ed page of the K.C. Star by Herman Kirkpatrick of Leawood, KS caught my eye, so I want to share it here in light blue (with my commentary in off-white)...
Writers, please:
Writers, please:
- Stop putting "super" in front of the words model, star and athlete.
- Stop writing "I, for one," since you are never more than one.
- Stop using the word "hero" to describe every person in uniform. It cheapens the word. "Hero" should never be used when describing an athlete. [With the possible exceptions of the late Pat Tillman and Roberto Clemente]
- News networks, stop obsessing for days over one issue to the exclusion of other significant issues. [This means YOU, Nancy Grace!]
- Stop the redundant bashing of President Bush. It has already been said thousands of times, and is adequately recorded. [Sorry, but sometimes I just can't help myself!]
- Stop thinking that your choice for president will change everything.
- Stop worrying about what the Europeans think. They want to love us.
- Try to be more objective. There is plenty of blame to share.
- Take more responsibility for yourself. The government can't guarantee your happiness.
- TV stations, please stop multiple pictures, scrolls, and all that. Cool it with the "breaking news" bit. [This means YOU, Faux News Channel, ESPN, CNN, KCTV-5 in Kansas City, et al]
- Stop putting the suffix "gate" behind every scandal. This is so camp. [Amen, brother!]
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