Back In Black (and Gold)!

As a native Missourian, I've always been partial to the University of Missouri, and I'm tickled pink (Pinkel?) over MU's big win over Kansas 36-28 in the big foosball game at Arrowhead tonight as I can hear the fireworks thereof going off as I type from my house six miles away.  This town has been off its collective gourd this week more so than I can recall since the Royals won the World Serious in '85, and for good reason—this is a big freakin' deal!

I must admit I'm a bit of a fence-straddler when it comes to KU-MU because I have no real grievance against KU, although I can really do without some of their "whine-and-cheese-party" fans and their sense of entitlement when it comes to basketball supremacy.  I generally root for them when they play anyone else other than Mizzou, like in '88 when Danning Manning (pun intended) led them to victory in the NCAA Tournament over Oklahoma at Kemper Arena.  But on this night, I bled black and gold from the get-go—what a fucking monumental win this was for a program that's been dragged through the mud for so long.  QB Chase Daniel personally saw to it tonight that the ghosts of 5th down, Ricky Clemens, Tyus Edney, Paige Arena, Woody Wiedenhoefer, Quin Snyder and that bleedin' '97 Nebraska heartbreaker were properly exorcised and burned at the stake!

And this is not meant to denigrate KU's season by one iota—their football program has grown by leaps and bounds under Mark "Big Bambino" Mangino since he took over.  Hell, I attended the KU-MU game in Lawrence ten years ago, and all the people around us could talk about was how good the basketball team was going to be in the upcoming season—and this was while the Jayhawks were winning the fucking football game!  Bully for KU for getting their fans to give a shit about their football team for a change this year.  I really hope KU remains competitive for years to come so we don't have to deal with Nebraska, Colorado, Texas and Oklahoma dominating the conference anymore.  Let's hope the KU-MU game at Arrowhead next year is every bit as important as this year's was.

As for MU, it was like they won twice tonight—once vs. KU and once vs. the officials, who called numerous penalties against the Tigers (14 to 2—are you shittin' me?).  Oh well, it's on to San Antonio for the "official" Big 12 Championship Game vs. Oklahoma next Saturday, same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel.  Unlike last time, I do believe MU will send the Sooners packing this time...

And even without the rise of KU and MU, has this year's college football season not been one of the most exciting ever?  The NFL has been so dull this year with the Patriots winning everything in sight, but the colleges have been a total hoot with high drama, crazy upsets, lots of changes in the Top 10 and Notre Dame sucking ass—what a year!

And The Beat Goes On...

Since I did bass players the other night, it's time to salute the other half of the rhythm section. Thus, I give you my Top 20 Rock Drummers of All-Time...

20) PHIL "PHILTHY ANIMAL" TAYLOR (Motorhead)  Brother Lemmy once gave this assessment of his band:  "We may not be the best band in the world, but we are definitely the fastest!"  Little Philthy is living proof that speed don't kill...
19) MIKE "SMITTY" SMITH (Paul Revere & The Raiders)  The first Rock drummer I ever listened to on a regular basis, young master Smitty made his contemporaries (like Ringo Starr) look like amateurs.  Not to be confused with singer Mike Smith of the Dave Clark Five.
18) RICK ALLEN (Def Leppard)  Anyone with the personal fortitude to lose an arm, then re-learn how to play the drums (mostly with his feet) deserves a spot on my list.  He was already a pretty decent hard Rock drummer before his tragic accident, and his comeback three years later was nothing short of miraculous.
17) BENNY BENJAMIN (The Funk Brothers)  Motown's house drummer was outstanding—when he wasn't all fucked-up, that is.  Drugs and booze and personal demons did him in at age 43 when he died of a stroke.  Check him out on Stevie Wonder's "Uptight"—you can't miss him.
16) MITCH MITCHELL (Jimi Hendrix Experience)  This guy makes my list for his performance on "Fire" alone—quite possibly the greatest steering wheel finger-drumming song in the world!  Mitch was pretty good on Jimi's other stuff too...
15) HAL BLAINE (Session musician)  This man has probably played on more Top 40 hits than any other musician on earth, and hardly anyone knows his name.  He played on everything from Paul Revere & The Raiders and the Mamas & The Papas to the Carpenters (displacing Karen on the skins) and The Partridge Family and countless others.
14) JEFF SIMON (George Thorogood & The Destroyers)  Extremely-overlooked skinsman, and that's a shame, because he's pretty darn good.  Excellent timekeeper, and when the Delaware Destroyers hit their stride in concert, they're like a runaway freight train.
13) FRANK BEARD (Z.Z. Top)  Nothing flashy here, but rock-steady and solid all the way. Doesn't always appear to be having a good time in concert, though...
12) CARL PALMER (Emerson, Lake & Palmer/Asia)  Not unlike Chris Squire of Yes on my bass player list, CP would've scored much higher here with more exciting material, especially from ELP. Asia's "Time Again" was a nice showcase for his chops.
11) ERIC SINGER (Kiss)  Second-best drummer Kiss ever had named Eric.  With all apologies to the Cat Man, he's the second-best drummer Kiss ever had, period, and an excellent replacement for the late Eric Carr.
10) DENISE DUFORT (Girlschool)  One of the best hard Rock drummers ever, gender be damned.  And as Charlie Daniels once sang about Elvin Bishop, she "ain't good-looking, but (she) sure can play."
9) CHARLIE WATTS (Rolling Stones)  Quite possibly the greatest timekeeper in Rock history.  His drum kit looks like something right out of the Sears catalog, but he likes it, and that's all that matters.
8) KEITH MOON (The Who)  Bet y'all thought I'd rank Moon The Loon #1, didn't ya?  Surprise!  I don't even think Moon is the best drummer The Who ever had (keep reading)—and this is coming from a mondo Who fan!  Lovable as he was, Moonie was too erratic, especially toward the end, and I actually think he's a bit overrated—his constant fills and rolls were really overkill to me at times.  Awesome drummer, yes, but there are better ones in my book...
7) TOMMY ALDRIDGE (Black Oak Arkansas/Ozzy Osbourne/Whitesnake/Ted Nugent)  Journeyman drummer who is one of the best bashers of all-time.  I've never seen anyone just beat the living shit out of the drums in concert the way he did while touring with Nugent opening for Kiss in 2000 during "Great White Buffalo".  Even my hands were hurting afterwards!  I wish I could've caught him during his BOA days too...
6) NIGEL OLSSON (Elton John Band)  Most underrated drummer in Rock history.  Love to watch him play live because he looks so calm and effortless while pounding away.
5) JOHN BONHAM (Led Zeppelin)  If John Entwistle was "Thunderfingers", then Bonzo was "Thunderhands".  Love the intro to "When The Levee Breaks".  This man died far too young at 32, and for such a stupid reason too.
4) BUN E. CARLOS (Cheap Trick)  For a dude who looks like he belongs in the fictional Larry Davis Experience on "The Simpsons", Bunzuela (AKA Brad Carlson) certainly packs quite a wallop on the skins.  The Dream Police album highlighted his talents in numerous places.
3) ZAC STARKEY (The Who)  There are basically two different types of drummers—bashers and timekeepers.  The late Keith Moon was a basher, and his replacement Kenney Jones was a timekeeper.  Well, Ringo's little boy is both a basher AND a timekeeper, and he blows his old man (and Moon, for that matter) away.  I just wish he'd stop wasting his time with those Oasis pussies...
2) NEIL PEART (Rush)  Is there anything this man won't bang on with sticks?  This virtuoso's drum kit is so huge, what with all his bells and (literally) whistles, it needs its own ZIP code!  While most in-concert drum solos are exercises in overkill and/or interminibility (I hope that's a word!), Peart's solos are always highly entertaining, and he makes it look so effortless.  And if you watch him real closely, he eventually does crack a smile now and then...
1) ERIC CARR (Kiss)  A bit of a sentimental choice, given that he's no longer with us, but this little dude was just unreal on the drums!  The guy certainly brought some musical credibility to the band during the early '80s, too.  And based on everything I've ever read about Eric Carr, I wish I could've met him—he seemed like a damn nice guy and totally devoid of ego, too.  And it was exactly 16 years ago tonight that he lost his battle with heart cancer.  R.I.P., Little Caesar...

Oh, by the way...

Happy Thanksgiving, from your good friends at WKRP!

Top 20 Greatest Rock Bass Players Not Named Entwistle

Time to pay tribute to those who lay down the bottom end of the music spectrum, the mighty bass guitarists of the Rock era.  My musical idol, the late John Entwistle of The Who, is in a totally separate league from everyone else in my opinion, but that don't mean the rest of them suck.  On the contrary—here's the best of the rest:

20) JACK BRUCE (Cream)  I tend to think Cream is just a tad overrated in the overall scheme of things, but there's no denying what a fine musician this guy is.  He filled in the gaps admirably whilst Clapton wailed away during his solos.
19) LEE ROCKER (The Stray Cats)  Anyone who can tackle an old upright acoustic bass and make it rock can't be all bad!
18) JOHN DEACON (Queen)  The highly reticent member of Queen, to be sure, but he came through loud and clear with his bass work on "Another One Bites The Dust", as well as "Dragon Attack" from 1980's The Game album.
17) FLEA (Red Hot Chili Peppers)  I'm not a big fan of RHCP, but Flea was able to make Stevie Wonder's funky classic "Higher Ground" even funkier with his titanic bass playing.
16) CHRIS SQUIRE (Yes)  A poor man's John Entwistle in many ways.  He'd have scored a whole lot higher on my list if Yes' music wasn't so bloody tedious throughout most of their career.
15) MICHAEL ANTHONY (Van Halen)  While not nearly as technically-accomplished as the others on this list, Mikey makes my list on pure chutzpah and personality.  This is also a personal "fuck you" to Eddie Van Halen for kicking this guy out of the band for no good reason.  Fuck you, Eddie, and take Diamond Dave with you!
14) DONALD "DUCK" DUNN (Stax Records/The Blues Brothers)  This dude is about as prolific and funky as they come.  Played bass on just about everything important that Stax put out in the '60s.
13) NICK LOWE (Brinsley Schwartz/Rockpile)  Understated bass playing from a guy who is better known for his songwriting and producing prowess.  Check out his thumping pulse on tracks like "Heart Of The City" and "Bobo Ska Diddle Daddle".
12) BILLY BLOUGH (George Thorogood & The Destroyers)  His bass bits on 1978's "Move It On Over" are what initially drew me to the song in the first place.  As Charlie Daniels once sang about Elvin Bishop, "He ain't good-looking, but he sure can play..."
11) DUSTY HILL (Z.Z. Top)  For a man whose fingers resemble nothing more than big link sausages, ol' "Groover McToober" can lay down some bad-ass bass!
10) JOHN LODGE (The Moody Blues)  Very underrated player who reminds me of Entwistle at times, especially on "The Story In Your Eyes" and "I'm Just A Singer (In A Rock 'N' Roll Band)".
9) LEMMY (Motorhead)  Hardly the most technically proficient bass player in the world, but what he lacks in technique he makes up for with volume and attitude.  Almost like another rhythm guitar, really.
8) GEEZER BUTLER (Black Sabbath)  Totally unorthodox style of playing, but hey, whatever works! His best moments were "N.I.B." and "Heaven And Hell".
7) DEE MURRAY (Elton John Band) This man, rest his soul, never gets any credit for his outstanding work on EJ's recordings from 1970 thru 1975 and in the early '80s.  Very subtle, to be sure, but check him out on "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" and "Ballad Of Danny Bailey" from Yellow Brick Road and see what I mean.
6) PAUL McCARTNEY (The Beatles/Wings)  John Lennon may have had issues with Paul on numerous fronts, but even JL accurately gave Big Macca his due when it came to his bass playing, saying that he was grossly underrated for it.  I tend to agree.  "All My Loving" is an early example of Sir Paul's prowess on the ol' violin bass.
5) BILL WYMAN (Rolling Stones)  About as exciting as watching paint dry in concert, but Wyman was about as rock solid as anyone on record.  Love his funky little bass lines on "Undercover Of The Night" and "Winning Ugly".
4) JOHN PAUL JONES (Led Zeppelin)  Like Wyman, he was boring as whale shit to watch play live on-stage, but on vinyl JPJ delivered big-time, especially on that first Zeppelin album on tracks like "Dazed And Confused" and my personal all-time Zep favorite, "How Many More Times".  Not a bad keyboard player, either.
3) JAMES JAMERSON (The Funk Brothers)  The majority of the music produced on Motown Records in the '60s wouldn't have been nearly as good without this man.  Entwistle himself acknowledged Jamerson as a big influence on his own bass playing.
2) TOM PETERSSON (Cheap Trick)  Four strings ain't enough for this dude—he's best known for playing an 8-string bass, and sometimes even a 12-string behemoth!  Check him out on CT's 1988 Lap Of Luxury LP on their excellent remake of Elvis' "Don't Be Cruel" and especially the underrated track "All Wound Up"—it's sure to rattle yer pots and pans...
1) GEDDY LEE (Rush)  This guy never ceases to amaze me with his multi-tasking in concert.  The boy not only plays very complex bass lines, but he doubles on keyboards and sings some fairly advanced lyrics—all at the same time!  And he doesn't even wear a tuque! Pretty good, eh?

Nyuk! x 3

THREE GREAT STOOGES IN K.C. CHIEFS HISTORY

Just say Mo!


Why, I oughtta...

He was just a victim of soy-cumstance...

AFLAC!

Sorry, but I just can't resist a bad pun!

"I don't wanna cause no fuss..."

...but I often do, anyway!

A LITTLE PLUG HERE...
For the "Gonzo Papers" blog (see link at right) and his little Blogiversary Carnival event, featuring submitted writings from various bloggers, including yours truly.  You'll find my "7-6-82" Elton John concert blog entry near the bottom of this little blogfest.  Read up, peoples!

HEAD ON--DIRECTLY TO THE BONEHEAD!
It may well be against protocol to re-post other people's blog entries without permission, but I can't resist here.  This is from Dave's Window (see also link at right), and it sounds just like something I'd write, and I fucking wish I had:

If you're a consumer who has actually purchased the product Head On, you deserve a headache.

No offense, of course. It's not like you're stupid or anything, it's just...no wait.  Yeah, it is like you're stupid.  Ironically the head-bone is the reason that using Head On is a bone-headed idea.  If you apply it to your forehead, there is a huge barrier between the medicine and the pain...it's called the skull.  Ironically, using Head On makes you a real numb-skull.  Ah, so much irony in such a stupid product.

The funniest line of the commercial (besides the annoying "apply directly to the forehead" crap) is "no prescription necessary."  No shit?  Look, if your doctor tries to give you a prescription for this product, you should open your network provider booklet immediately.  End rant.

Dave, you're a voice of reason in this vast wilderness of stupidity!  Hope you don't mind me borrowing your stuff...

SQUEEZE ALL YOU WANT TO NOW!
Actor Dick Wilson died Sunday at age 91.  We knew him better as pop culture icon Mr. Whipple of Charmin toilet paper TV commercial fame. I kid you not, folks, I was out of T.P. and had to buy some on the way home from work today, and I gave a little squeeze in tribute.  R.I.P., Mr. Whipple...



ICONS SCHMICONS REVISITED
After seeing the entire TV Land/Entertainment Weakly "Top 50 TV Icons" list, I have even more grievances.  Jon Stewart?  Calista Flockhart?  Sarah Michelle Gellar?  George Clooney?  Come on, now!  Where the fuck is Fred Sanford?  George Jefferson?  Fred Flintstone?  Adam West as Batman?  No one from "Cheers" or "Frasier"?  Not even fucking Gilligan?  The entire "Brady Bunch" snubbed?  Yet hacks like Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres make the cut?  Horse hockey!

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD (AND WE KNOW IT)
High school pep bands now play Bon Jovi songs.  Even "You Give Love A Bad Name" with the "bad name" echo vocal done on trombone, no less!  A sure sign of the Apocalypse...

THAT CAT NAMED HERCULES DOES IT AGAIN
In lieu of the Elton John concert at Sprint Center I missed last month, I picked up his new Elton 60 DVD which chronicles his 60th birthday concert from March of this year at Madison Square Garden—coincidentally his record-setting 60th performance as the world's most famous arena.  Well worth the 15 bucks I paid for it too, as it features a gi-normous set list filled with the usual suspects like "Bennie" and "Levon", and the not-so-usual suspects like "Roy Rogers", "(All The Girls Love) Alice" and "(Where To Now), St. Peter?", among many other long lost Elton gems that he's been known to dust off and play in concert.

Other highlights for me from the concert itself were "Hercules" from Honky Chateau, "Holiday Inn" from Madman Across The Water (and the title track from that one as well), and "High Flying Bird", the beautiful closer from the Don't Shoot Me album.  Also included in this 2-disc set are several other long lost live performances from various points in EJ's career, including the rarely performed "We All Fall In Love Sometimes/Curtains" from Captain Fantastic.  Another thing I found impressive is how Elton often says things during the show like, "Here's a song we haven't done in over 30 years..." as in "we as a band" instead of "I".  With longtime stalwarts Davey Johnstone and Nigel Olsson in the band—not to mention lyricist Bernie Taupin—this is especially appropriate.

I encountered one little problem whilst singing along with Elton on these great old songs, though:  I found it just a tad disconcerting when I'd hit those high falsetto bits on songs like "Madman", "Bennie & The Jets" and "Philadelphia Freedom" and Elton didn't!  Sadly, since his 1987 throat surgery Elton is no longer able to scale the heights of his vocal range as he once did.  Fortunately, I'm 17 years younger than he is and my high range is still intact.  Meantime, jolly good show, ol' chap...

WHO DEY?
I also checked out the new Who DVD documentary collection Amazing Journey this week.  For all you young'uns out there who think Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Kid Rock were/are the shit, I suggest you watch this video and get educated!  For the rest of you unitiated out there who just want to learn about the history of one of the finest Rock 'N' Roll bands ever on earth in this hemisphere, this is as good a place to start as any.  I was quite pleased with the extra effort Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey went to in highlighting the late John Entwistle's importance to the band, as well as the lunatic fringe that late drummer Keith Moon brought to the table.

One thing I could've done without is the crackle sounds they used to simulate an old phonograph record album to accompany the documentary.  Cute concept, and yes, the crackle sounds were par for the course on old vinyl records, but they're highly irritating and distracting on a Dolby 5.1 DVD!  Oh well, long live Rock.  I certainly need it every night...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #59
"Gemini Dream"--THE MOODY BLUES (1981)  "Make it work out (make it work)/Make it work out, for each other tonight..."  I first mistook the "for each other tonight" line for "you're in trouble tonight..."

SPRINT CENTER REVIEW
I attended the very first sporting event at our mighty new Sprint Center last night, a college basketball doubleheader featuring UCLA vs. Maryland and Michigan St. vs. Missouri in the CBE (College Basketball Experience) tournament.  As expected, the arena doesn't suck as a sporting venue with its awesome sightlines, outstanding lighting and superior sound system that makes Kemper Arena seem like a V.F.W. hall by comparison.  This joint will make one helluva hockey arena one day too...

One thing I did miss last night was the concession stands at Kemper, which were far more efficient that the one I waited in line at for well over 20 minutes at Sprint Center before the MU game.  I read later that they ran out of hot dogs in the entire arena by halftime of the MU game.  Uhhh, were y'all not expecting a big crowd last night?  You had nine straight sellout Garth Brooks concerts and never ran out of hot dogs, yet you couldn't properly prepare for a freakin' basketball crowd?  Get on the ball, folks!

Then again, I loved the well-lit state-of-the-art lavatories, which are a major upgrade over those at our "dump with a hump" in ye olde stockyards (Kemper).  I much prefer the one man-one urinal concept over pissing into the communal trough, as it were, and I also feel a bit more secure when I'm actually seein' where I'm peein'!

Simply Divinyls

Time for another long-overdue band salute, this time for a group who is most famous for a rather infamous song, Australia's Divinyls.  There is much much more to this band than their ode to masturbation, 1991's "I Touch Myself".  In a nutshell, Divinyls are singer Christina Amphlett and guitarist Mark McEntee, and a constantly changing lineup of drummers, bass players, et al.  I like to describe the oddly-charismatic Amphlett as a strange hybrid of a white Tina Turner and Angus Young of AC/DC in terms of her semi-slutty schoolgirl antics on-stage, especially in the band's earlier days in the '80s.

My best friend Tom tried in vain early on to turn me on to the band's classic 1983 Desperate album, and for some unknown reason, I just wasn't impressed at the time.  Tom, my brother, I readily admit that I fucked up—I hereby take full responsibility for being so unequivocably wrong here, and I apologize profusely for ever doubting you!  I also deeply regret not sticking around to see the group in concert on that beastly hot July day when we were at Six Flags over St. Louis during the great heat wave of '83—we were unaware they were scheduled to play there that night when we arrived in the morning, but by mid-afternoon we were both frying like bacon in the sun, and headed back to our hotel and the cool shady swimming pool thereof.  Majorly missed opportunity, although we did eventually see the band a couple years later opening for The Cult at the Uptown Theater in K.C.

Divinyls got a fair amount of airplay on MTV for their 1985 release, What A Life! and the minor hit single "Pleasure And Pain".  They followed that album with the even-better Temperamental in 1988, then were finally noticed in America when they started touching themselves—the irony being that their biggest hit came from what was probably their weakest album, 1991's self-titled Divinyls.  I more or less lost track of them after that, although they've apparently released other records down under over the years.  I highly recommend their album Desperate from 1983, which is far and away their best from front to back.

My Divinyls Top 10:
10) "Back To The Wall" (1988)  Love the guitar figure near the end that mimics the schoolyard "Nyah nah na nyah nah!" chant.
9) "Boys In Town" (1983)  Lead-off track from the Desperate LP, and a frequent concert opener as well.
8) "Temperamental" (1988)  Title track of their second-best album, IMHO.
7) "Only Lonely" (1983)  This one had hit single written all over it, but it didn't happen here.
6) "Science Fiction" (1983)  Song with a touch of '80s synthesizer in it—another one that should've been a hit single over here.
5) "Guillotine Day" (1985)  Best song off the somewhat-wimpy What A Life album.  Amphlett cracks me up when she sings the line "too many stains in the bed..."
4) "Hey Little Boy" (1988)  Outstanding re-genderfied cover version of Syndicate of Sound's 1966 hit "Hey Little Girl".  McEntee's guitar work is top-notch here.  One of my all-time favorite remakes.
3) "Siren Song" (1983)  Great up-tempo track on which Mark and Christina do a rare duet.
2) "Elsie" (1983)  Lurid mid-tempo song portrait about a troubled and slightly deranged girl, whom Amphlett made seem very real with her vocals here:  "Life can be lonely/Life can be very sad/Life can be something you wish you never had..."  Great bass line on this one too.
1) "I'll Make You Happy" (1983)  Killer remake of 1966 hit by Australia's Easybeats (of "Friday On My Mind" fame), who featured guitarist George Young, brother of AC/DC's Malcolm and Angus Young.  Another of my all-time favorite cover songs.

A-blogging we will go...

A LITTLE SLOW ON THE UPTAKE, AIN'T WE?
It cracks me up how local letter-writers to the K.C. Star are finally calling the Rev. Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church a "hate group".  Funny how they were still considered to be a "church" when they merely picketed the funerals of gay people who died of AIDS, but now that they picket the funerals of dead U.S. military personnel (as per their warped rationale that said U.S. soldiers died defending a country that has the nerve to tolerate homosexuality), they're officially a "hate group".  Got a news flash for y'all—these losers were always a fucking hate group!!!

One can only hope that the recent multi-million $$ damages court ruling against this fuckwad and his merry band of nutbags will put them all in the poor house for good.  I say fuck free speech in this case, folks...

BUH-BYE, BARRY!
Barry Bonds is going down like the Titanic. Is that perfectly "clear"?

MUZAK TO MY EARS
During that pre-game warm-up session at the Colorado Avalanche game I attended where they played Sweet's "Fox On The Run" (see previous post), the arena organist kicked in after the players left the ice and started playing a tune that I couldn't quite place right away.  After about two minutes, I finally recognized that it was .38 Special's "Caught Up In You"—not exactly a song you would expect to hear on the ol' Wurlitzer!  It would've fit right in on Randy Raley's "Elevator From Hell" segment, too.  All the same, organs are still standard equipment at any hockey game...

Speaking of elevator music, one of my former employers had one of the funniest Muzak systems on earth.  Folks, you haven't lived until you've heard Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds' classic "Don't Pull Your Love" playing overhead—on the accordion!!  Even Weird Al would have hit his knees and uttered "I'm not worthy!" after hearing this polka.  This same Muzak system sure played a lot of Kiss songs too—I distinctly remember hearing no less than four Kiss tunes ("Beth", "Every Time I Look At You", "Sure Know Something" and "Forever"), which doubles the number of Kiss tunes our esteemed local Rock stations generally play ("Beth"/"Rock And Roll All Nite") on a regular basis.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING...
Man, did they time this first Missouri-Kansas football game at Arrowhead Stadium next weekend perfectly or what?  With both MU and KU winning today, the table is now set for a classic college foosball game at the 'Head with everything on the line for both schools, instead of some meaningless season finale, which they're both known for playing.  Let's get ready to rumble!

MARSHALL! MARSHALL! MARSHALL!
Speaking of college football, I watched a good flick on DVD last night, We Are Marshall, the true story of the aftermath of the tragic 1970 plane crash that virtually wiped out the Marshall University football team, its coaching staff and numerous supporters.  Like most football flicks, it was a tad predictable at times, but I liked it overall, and I think they told the story quite well.  I was especially pleased with the music soundtrack, which did a nice job of spotlighting the songs that were popular during that 1970-71 period, which is the "Golden Age" of Top 40 radio for me.  And of course, the Thundering Herd (or "Thundering Turd" as I affectionately call them) rose from the ashes and went on to field a very successful NCAA football program.  I give the movie a B+.

TOTAL NON-SEQUITOR
Brian Holland's Top 3 Greatest Song Titles of All-Time:
For no particular reason...
1) "Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)—JOE TEX (1977)
2) "Tit Photographer Blues"—THE FABULOUS POODLES (1978)
3) "Lookin' Better Every Beer"—THE STRAY CATS (1983)
HONORABLE MENTIONS: "Get Out Of Here, And Take Your Mother With You"—FRED G. SANFORD (1977); "Personals Ad Blues"—BRIAN HOLLAND (1994) [NOTE: I never got around to actually writing the bloody song!]


Feel free to submit yer own suggestions...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #58
"Sweet Home Alabama"—LYNYRD SKYNYRD (1974)  "Yeah, Yeah—Montgomery's got all the answers..."  Near the end of the song, Ronnie Van Zant utters this line, which I never understood until I looked it up on the 'Net.  I always thought he said something unintelligible, followed by "Goddamn!"

CLASSIC MISHEARD MOVIE LINE #1
Ricardo Montalban, Star Trek II-The Wrath of Khan (1982)  In the scene where Khan first encounters Chekov, I coulda swore he called him "Jackoff"!

GET IN TUNE, PLEASE!
'Tis the season for the Salavatin' Army to dispatch their dreaded bell ringers in front of every other store again.  Couldn't they at least provide these poor schlubs with bells that actually ring instead of clanking like a busted chainsaw?!?  Pretty damn sad...

The Sweet Bye And Bye

While attending the Colorado Avalanche hockey game last month, the music meister at the Pepsi Center in Denver played an old favorite of mine during the pregame warm-ups, "Fox On The Run" by Sweet, and it sounded, well, sweet!  I haven't done a band salute for a while, so here's an overdue tribute to one of the more underrated bands of the '70s.

Sweet [L-R in photo: guitarist Andy Scott, bassist Steve Priest, vocalist Brian Connolly and drummer Mick Tucker] only had five Top 40 hits in America, but there is much more to this band than "Fox", "Ballroom Blitz" and "Love Is Like Oxygen".  Before they cracked the Top 40 here in 1973 with "Little Willy", they'd already been quite the sensation on the glam scene across the big pond in England, with hits like "Funny Funny" and "Co-Co", the latter of which hit #2 in the British charts.  Sounding like a cross between The Monkees, Cheap Trick and The Who, "Little Willy" broke the band in the States, and over the next five years, they toured here and scored huge hits with "Blitz", "Fox" and 1978's "Love Is Like Oxygen".

Sadly, "Oxygen" was the beginning of the end for the band, as singer Brian Connolly became more and more unreliable as he sank into drug and alcohol abuse.  In fact, he recorded his vocals for the verses on "Oxygen" separately from the rest of the band, as Scott and Priest sang the choruses in another studio in another place.  Connolly succumbed to liver failure in February, 1997 at age 51.  Drummer Mick Tucker died of leukemia almost five years to the day later on Valentine's Day, 2002 at age 54.  BTW, there is an excellent documentary DVD on the band available on Netflix which features some great old footage from the '70s.

One of the funniest song parodies this side of Weird Al Yankovic you'll ever hear was done in the '80s by the Alterna-Rock band The Dead Milkmen during the intro of their "Bottomless Pit", lampooning "Ballroom Blitz":  "Are you ready Dave? (Uh-huh.), Malory? (O.K.), Joe? (Oh, I don't know...), Well alright fellas... Let's GOOOOOO!!!"

My All-Time Sweet Top 10:
10) "California Nights" (1978)  Sweet's last sniff of the Hot 100.  Ironically, singer Lesley Gore's last hit in 1967 was also titled "California Nights".
9) "Wig Wam Bam" (1972)  Not about hairpieces, but about the Glam scene that was very prevalent at the time.  I believe there's also a band out there now called Wig Wam Bam.
8) "Little Willy" (1973)  The band was still on Bell Records—home of the Partridge Family and Tony Orlando & Dawn—when this one came out.  They later hooked up with Capitol Records and became major playas.
7) "The Six Teens" (1974) Big hit over yonder that never really registered over here.  Not a bad song, either.
6) "Block Buster" (1973)  Glam Rock at its finest.  Best song ever featuring a siren apart from "Firehouse" by Kiss, REO Speedwagon's "Ridin' The Storm Out", R. Dean Taylor's "Indiana Wants Me" and Bloodrock's "D.O.A."...
5) "Love Is Like Oxygen" (1978)  Sweet meets Foreigner!  This song was a most welcome respite from all the Disco folderol of the time.
4) "Teenage Rampage" (1974)  Another Glam Rock anthem reminiscent of The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again" that urges the listener to "get yourself a constitution..."  Was very disappointed to hear this tune backing a Chevy truck commercial on TV a couple years ago.
3) "Action" (1975)  Quite possibly Sweet's heaviest tune, and a nice amalgam of synthesizer and guitar.  Song was later successfully covered by erstwhile Billy Idol guitarist Steve Stevens and his Atomic Playboys in 1989.
2) "Fox On The Run" (1975)  Another nice synth/guitar combo, and one of Connolly's best vocal performances.  Later covered by Girlschool in the mid-'80s.
1) "Ballroom Blitz" (1975)  Resistance is futile here.  Sweet's most famous song—bassist Steve Priest provides the comic relief with lines like "she'll kill you with a wink of her eye!" while Connolly screams his orgasmic "OHHHHH YEAAAHHHH!!!"  I heartily concur...

Brain (Brian?) droppings

COMMON SENSE (AND COURTESY) PREVAILS!
A wrong has been righted today as the Minnesota Vikings have decided not to take away the game check of wide receiver Troy Williamson, who took leave of the team last week to attend the funeral of his grandmother, to whom he was very close.  The team initially threatened to fine Williamson a week's pay, even though he was granted leave from the team in order to make funeral arrangements and coordinate travel for his brothers, at least one of whom is in the armed services.  Evidently, cooler heads have prevailed and head coach Brad Childress came forward today and openly admitted that the team screwed up here, and I commend him for it.

ICONS, SCHMICONS
I’m already cringing over the ads for TV Land’s latest upcoming pointless countdown show, "The Top 50 TV Icons of All-Time," which features Sarah Jessica Parker mixed in with other TV luminaries like A. Bunker and R. Kramden.  Yes, I know these shows are designed to generate tons of debate and discussion around the water cooler at work the next day, but surely they jest!  You mean to tell me that Mole-zilla from "Sex And The City" is in the same league with Mary Richards and Lucy Ricardo?  I’ve always thought SATC was highly-overrated anyway—to me that show was an insufferable bore about four shallow, self-absorbed women on an inexorable quest to find the ultimate pair of strappy sandals!  Sorry kids, but I thought SJP was much better on "Square Pegs" in the ‘80s, and Kim Cattrall will always be "Lassie" from Porky’s to me.

THE FORCE IS WITH US!
Congrats to the mighty Air Force Academy for dropping the Notre Dame Failing Irish to 1-9 today.  Cheer up, all you little buckaroos in South Bend—I hear your debate team is really kicking ass this year!

EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN...
...why I'm supposed to give a shit about this white trash bounty hunter A&E reality show guy who hurled racial epithets at somebody in an interview.  Is he like, important, or something?

SATAN?!?
Delicious irony tonight as the New York Islanders' Miroslav Satan scored the game-winning goal in a 2-1 win over the New Jersey Devils.  Yes, I know the man's surname is pronounced "sha-TAN", but it's still funny to me.

NOT IMPRESSED
Just when I finally started respecting the Osmond family, I lost a bit of respect for them when Donny & Marie made the rounds on the talk shows following the death of their father this week, having pity parties with Oprah and Larry King.  Do me a favor, kids, and don't play the "please respect our privacy" card after this.  Oh by the way, I'm not buying that whole fainting spell bit that Marie pulled on "Dancing With The Has-Beens" last week, either—that was just another publicity stunt cooked up by the producers, just like last year when they had that one-legged bitch who was once married to Paul McCartney on their show.  Pure hooey!

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #57
"Jet Airliner"--STEVE MILLER BAND (1977)  "Why deny I got tears in my eyes..."  I first thought Steve sang "Friday night—I got tears in my eyes..." which didn't make a whole lotta sense...

CLASSIC MISHEARD GENDER #1
"Hot Child In The City"—NICK GILDER (1978)  Not a lyric, but a gender this time—did anyone else besides me think it was a chick singing the first time you heard this song?  Even when I saw Nicky-boy on "American Bandstand", I wasn’t totally convinced he was really a guy because he was so girly-looking…

CLASSIC MISHEARD GENDER #2
"Jackie Blue"--OZARK MOUNTAIN DAREDEVILS (1975)  I experienced the same phenomenon for several years with OMD’s classic "Jackie Blue"—I coulda swore that was a girl singing until I caught them on "The Midnight Special" and saw this tenor-voiced dude with a beard doing the lead vocals.  Didn’t he sound like Anne Murray crossed with Joni Mitchell?  Great song, too.

QUICK QUESTION
Is there anyone out there who would actually fork over 50 bucks (plus "convenience" charge) just to see Michael McDonald in concert?  Evidently, Ameristar Casino thinks some people will.  Nothing personal against MM—he’s a decent singer and seems like a nice guy and all—but I hardly think it’s worthwhile to spend half a c-note just to hear him warble "What A Fool Believes" and a bunch of tired old Motown songs all night.  Oh well, to each their own…

WELL, SHUT MY MOUTH!
A little trivia for you, which even I didn't know until yesterday—Telma Hopkins of Tony Orlando & Dawn fame is the one who utters "Shut yo mouth!" on Isaac Hayes' classic "Theme From Shaft".  They say that cat was a bad mutha, by the way...

"HER FACE IS CRACKED FROM SMILIN'..."
During a swing Downtown the other night, a billboard sign reminded me that this bitch was back on the air again on local radio.  Ah yes, none other Ms. Holier-Than-Thou herself, Dr. Laura.  Doesn't she remind you of those evil substitute teachers you got stuck with in elementary school?  I'd sooner seek self-improvement advice from Paris Hilton...

"They Died Old"--Volume IV

THE ORANGE BOWL

Tomorrow will mark the end of an era as the Univ. of Miami plays its final football game ever at the venerable Orange Bowl, as the Hurricanes prepare to move in with the Dolphins in Broward County next season.  The stadium has two more football games scheduled after this weekend, one involving another college and another for local high schools, and subsequently it will more than likely be demolished sometime next year.

Kinda sad to see the place go, as I’ve watched many a football game on the tube from the O-Bowl, like Doug Flutie’s "Hail Mary" in ’84 for Boston College, Nebraska going for two points to win the national title (and missing) in the ’84 Orange Bowl game, and the wild Chargers-Dolphins OT playoff game in ’82 when they had to drag Kellen Winslow off the field because he was so exhausted.  I also remember always looking forward to seeing the Orange Bowl game halftime shows back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, which were usually pretty impressive spectacles for that time.  Another cool feature in the early '70s was the live dolphin who retrieved Dolphins footballs after field goals in his big pool behind the goal post at the open end of the stadium.  I also loved how some football card photos taken during games at that time featured the palm trees in the background from that end of the stadium.  And of course, this is where the Dolphins played their famed undefeated season in 1972.

I was too young to remember seeing Namath and the Jets win Super Bowl III, but I remember all the other ones played there, including Super Bowl V when Jim O’Brien won it for the Colts on a last-second field goal, as well as Super Bowl X between the Steelers and Cowboys when Lynn Swann bedazzled everyone with his great catches.  That actually turned out to be the last game ever played on one of the most hideous football fields in history, the dreaded ratty-looking PolyTurf artificial surface at the O-Bowl, which resembled a big ugly green shag carpet (see above video clip) that had been vacuumed one too many times—it was mercifully replaced by real grass the following season.  S.B. X was also the basis for the infamous disaster flick Black Sunday, which was filmed at the O-Bowl, as was Smokey & The Bandit 2 and numerous other movies and TV shows.  One dark memory of the Orange Bowl for me was December 8, 1980 when Howard Cosell broke the news about the murder of John Lennon from the "Monday Night Football" broadcast there.  I still get a chill whenever I hear the audio replay of it, especially the way Howard uttered the words, "...DEAD on arrival."

Potential plans for a new Florida Marlins ballpark nextdoor to a renovated Orange Bowl keep falling through, and the place is becoming pretty decrepit in its old age, plus it’s not located in the best of neighborhoods, thus a date with the wrecking ball is sadly inevitable.  The Orange Bowl has certainly served the football world well throughout the years, so its place in history is secure.

Strange bedfellows

The very wrong Rev. Pat Robertson gave his endorsement to Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani this week.  Being the good hypocrisy pointer-outer that I am, I’d be remiss if I didn’t make note of the fact that old Rudy is pro-abortion and all—can you say "flip-flop"?  Seems to me that having Pat Robertson in your political corner is about as reassuring as having Barney Fife as the head of the CIA, but since I don't really give a rip about Rudy G. anyway, he can have the bastard!

Speaking of abortion, why is it they always refer to abortion clinics as "Family Planning Centers"?  I even remember seeing a condom machine in the men’s room at a convenience store that was labeled "Family Planning Center".  Wouldn’t "Family Avoiding Centers" be more accurate?

Anywhoo—I’ve been meaning to rip on ol’ Pat for quite some time now, and now is as good a time as any, so ladies and gents, please enjoy a sampling of Pat Robertson’s greatest hits.

Colorado Travelblog--Vol. 3

MOTHER NATURE'S FINEST
I snapped this pic during a roadside stop along Hiway 34 between Estes Park and Loveland, which is a most bodacious scenic drive through the mountains for well over 20 miles.  I had a blast driving through the twisty-turny road that essentially hugs the Big Thompson River, which really isn't all that big, but it is certainly very cool to look at, and it also illustrates what comedian Gallagher once said: "Water can make a decision!"

I'LL BE DAMMED
This is a little tourist trap place along the Big Thompson River at the foothills of the Rocky Mountains whose motto caught my eye.  The dam wasn't terribly impressive, though...













PARKING FOR DICKS...
This would be the state-of-the-art soccer complex in the Denver suburb of Commerce City, better known as Dick's Sporting Goods Park.  Our Kansas City Wizards are going to get one of these in the next couple years, and one can only hope that the Wizzes adopt a better-named corporate benefactor...




THE EVIL EMPIRE...
This is the House That Elway Built, aka "Invesco Field At Mile High", although I must admit it doesn't look quite so evil during such a beautiful sunset.  The sunsets would've have been even prettier last week in the Mile High City, but for the lingering haze as a result of the recent California wildfires which drifted northeast-ward.




NOT PICTURED HERE...
...but well-worthy of mention. I want to give a shout out to Sam Taylor's BBQ restaurant in central Denver, which I paid a visit to, based on a web guide recommendation.  Their ribs were a tad on the bland side, but their brisket was on a par with my local favorites, Gates & Sons and K.C. Masterpiece BBQ, as were their homemade potato chips.  Well worth a visit, if you're in the Denver area, and Sam himself might even drop by your table and say hello, as he did with me.  Darn good stuff, Maynard!

Just plain stuff

I CALLED IT!
I was right—Brett Favre does fuck up once in a while!  He fumbled twice and threw two interceptions against El Chiefos on Sunday, one of which was an ill-advised pass near the end of the first half that allowed KC to score a gift TD and take the lead.  Granted, BF also threw the game-winning TD in the 4th quarter and all, but he proved my point all the same.  Don't get me wrong—I don't dislike Favre, but then again, the guy ain't as perfect as ESPN, Fox, NBC, et al, make him out to be...

IF A HOLLYWOOD WRITER FALLS IN THE WOODS AND NO ONE HEARS IT...
...will anyone notice?  I can honestly say I am totally non-plussed by this writers strike in La-La Land.  These are the same people who give us TV drivel like "Cavemen", "King of Queens" and "Yes, Dear" on a regular basis—the latter two of which feature fat slobs who are married to these friggin' babes, which is total science-fiction in my book.  Ergo, why should I fret over these fuckers walking the picket lines?  Besides, I have a backlog of old TV shows on DVD that I will enjoy for months to come whilst the rest of you are suffering through "reality" fare like "Dancing With The Has-Been Child Stars Who Are Now Living On Skid Row" (featuring Adam Rich and the girl who played Punky Brewster).

SOMEBODY GET ME A DOCTOR!!
I couldn't help but chuckle at Michelle Malkin's column from last week in which she made reference to The New York Times:  "My blood pressure increases a few points every time I read it."  Oddly enough, I experience this very same medical phenomenon whenever I read MM's columns...

BRILLIANT DIAGNOSIS
Rather humorous symptoms listed by a patient of ours at my job today:  dizziness while "thinking".  Now, I sure as hell ain't no physician here, but I do believe Ms. Malkin suffers from this very same medical phenomenon...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #56
"Car Wash"--ROSE ROYCE (1977)  "There ain't no tellin' who you might meet--A movie star or maybe even an Indian chief.."  Instead of Indian chief, I always thought she sang, "...or maybe even an idiot, too."

A GLARING OMISSION
It was brought to my attention last night as I watched the Chuck Berry documentary Hail! Hail! Rock 'N' Roll again that I inadvertently left his classic "Roll Over Beethoven" off my Top 15 Chuck Berry songs of all-time list that I posted last month.  Feel free to tell Tchaikovsky the news that I had a major brain fart here, and I totally forgot this mighty mighty Rock 'N' Roll record, thus my Top 15 is now a Top (Sweet Little?) 16 instead...

Travelblog Colorado--Vol. 2

WHERE HAVE Y'ALL BEEN THE LAST FEW YEARS?
This pic was taken at a shop on Denver's 16th Street Mall.  Hate to break this to you, kids, but between Capri pants, tattooed ankles, Birkenstock sandals and low-rider pants, Ugg(h) styles on women have been very in-style for quite a while now!  This is especially true since the Great Hosiery Embargo of the late '90s went into effect and bare legs became the norm, even during Wintertime and/or in professional office decorum situations.  Talk about winning "Ugg"-ly...

RECYCLING EXEMPLIFIED
I thought this was pretty cool stuff—this is a replica of Coors Field on display at the ESPN Zone in Denver.  It's made solely out of recycled Coors beer cans, bottle tops and cardboard boxes.  Far superior to their beer, that's fer sure...



CHECK MATE?
Quite possibly the most unique feature of Denver's 16th Street Mall is the row of concrete chess/checker tables.  Astonishingly, I witnessed quite a few people seriously pursuing this pastime too.  Now, if they'd see fit to install a concrete Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit table or two, I'd be game to play...

LOOK FAMILIAR?
If it don't, it should!  This would be the home of one Mindy McConnell, whose abode was taken over by a certain alien from the planet Ork who bore a strong resemblance to actor Robin Williams.  Located at 1619 Pine St. in lovely Boulder, Colorado, this house is now shrouded by trees that have grown rather profusely since "Mork & Mindy" debuted in 1978.  At least they finally took down the wall that obscured the first floor of the place because too many tourists/weirdos were knocking on the front door looking for Mr. Bickley.  Nimnuls!


WELCOME TO MUTUAL OF OMAHA'S "WILD KINGDOM"
In a scene reminiscent of TV's "Northern Exposure", those would be real live mooses (meese?) in this pic hanging out on a street corner in lovely Estes Park, Colorado.  I actually thought they were statues at first when I passed by in the car until a couple of them started moving!  Too bad I didn't have a few Hershey bars handy or we could've had chocolate moose, per The Swedish Chef!

Travelblog Colorado--Vol. 1

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN?
This is the view from the bottom at Red Rocks Amphitheater on the outskirts of Denver, scene of my most recent near-death experience, as I made the mistake of climbing to the top row thereof, which drove the point home to yours truly how woefully out-of-shape I am...






THANK YOU, DENVER--WE LOVE YOU!
Taken from center stage at Red Rocks, where the likes of the Moody Blues, U2, Kiss and who knows how many other Rock luminaries have stood at one time or another.















THIS AIN'T NO ORDINARY BENCH, FOLKS...
This is a magic bench.  It may not look like much, but it was on this very bench on the 16th Street Mall in Denver some eight years and change ago that I experienced the most special and sensual kiss in my lifetime with a female woman of the feminine persuasion whom I still care about very much.  I can honestly say that the rest of the whole friggin' world disappeared for approximately 15 minutes upon contact on that lovely July night—a night which I will take to the fucking grave with me! I was tempted to take a hacksaw to this monument and truck it home with me—who says I'm not just a tad sentimental, eh?

THE REST OF 16TH STREET MALL...
A wonderful urban development project that revitalized a long-moribund part of downtown Denver.  Lots of shops and eateries along a street that is closed off to motorized traffic (other than busses).  The only major downside is the influx of panhandlers and beggars, which is far worse than those in Memphis along Beale Street.  Denver needs to take a more hard-line stance on these losers and discourage people from giving money to them to prolong their drug habits.

PRICE GOUGING, 101
This would be a parking garage located two blocks from Coors Field in Denver on the night of Game 4 of the World Series.  By way of comparison, my hotel room was seven bucks cheaper than this parking space, and it came with a toilet, bed, and a TV to boot!












MY CLOSEST BRUSH WITH THE WORLD SERIES
Here is a photo of a baseball park hosting the Fall Classic.  I don't anticipate one of these in K.C. anytime soon...

I'm baaack!

HIDE YOUR SHEEP…I HAVE RETURNED!
Feels good to be back home after my weeklong road trip to Colorado.  It was a good trip overall, apart from a few minor FUBARs and disappointments that were out of my control.  Photos and commentary from the trip will be forthcoming in future posts...

INQUIRING MIND WANTS TO KNOW…
Why were there two ashtrays in my “non-smoking” room at Motel 6?

A LITTLE MOOD MUSIC...
While you read along here.  This is my absolute favorite piece of music from the classic NFL Films highlight reel arsenal.  If this don't get you fired up for some football, nothing will...

THE SPIRIT OF 76
Even though I’m a Mizzou fan, I gotta give it up to Kansas for thumping Nebraska 76-39 in Lawrence today.  After suffering decades of abuse at the hands of the Cornhuskers, KU stomped the shit out of NU, who set a school record for most points allowed in a single game.  KU is now 9-0, and that showdown at Arrowhead with Missouri later this month is shaping up to be a classic.

THE BEAT(IN’) GOES ON
More college football history was made today as Navy beat Notre Dame for the first time in my lifetime (literally) in a thriller that went three OTs at South Bend today.  Talk about your dream seasons—the Faulty Irish are now 1-8—shades of Kansas State in the ’80s!

RADIO BLAH-BLAH
One thing I was majorly disappointed with on my vacation was the radio stations in Colorado.  The Rock stations were pretty much all the same old shit—apart from 97.3 out of Boulder that played everything from Frank Zappa to The Police—and I wanted to strangle the jock at the Denver station who was yapping away about the history of ZZ Top and referred to Billy Gibbons as “Billy Gibson”.  The sports talk stations were only mildly entertaining, and I couldn’t find a decent oldies station on the dial to save my soul.  However, I do send kudos to our good friend Alice Cooper for playing Jeff Beck's classic "Beck's Bolero" on this syndicated radio show last night...

Per the recommendation of a dear friend, I made it a point to check out Denver’s Air America affiliate, since we don’t have one of them liberal stations around these parts yet, and to be brutally honest, I wasn’t impressed.  I listened at several different times of the day, and I found these people to be every bit as annoying in their own way as Limbaugh, Hannity, O’Reilly and Co.  Regular readers of this blog know that I love to rip on Dubya as much as anyone, but these so-called “progressive” pundits came off to me as just downright childish at times with their “Nyah na na nah nah!” finger pointing and sniping.  I heard a lot of “the sky is falling” and “hooray for our side” from these folks and not a whole lot of solutions coming from them, especially from snarky smart-asses like Randi Rhodes (not to be confused with late Ozzy Osbourne guitar virtuoso Randy Rhoads) and Ed Schwartz.  Hell, the local Denver morning guy was practically baiting his callers to have the nerve to voice an opposing opinion—a tactic that Bill O‘Reilly has the patent on already.  I’m definitely left-leaning, but anymore I’m just aching to hear some voices with a little common sense, and I ain't finding them on the radio these days, that's for damn sure…

R.I.P., M.N.F.
After a year and a half, I have finally given up on ESPN’s version of “Monday Night Football”.  I used to watch MNF religiously when it was on ABC—hell, I’d plan my entire night around it—but now I barely even make an effort to tune in, after the way ESPN has totally butchered this sports institution.  Start with the uninspired choice of Mike Tirico as play-by-play man, then throw in the overly-analytical Ron Jaworski as color commentator (you can’t spell analytical without “anal”, can ya?) as well as their pseudo-Howard Cosell clone Tony Kornheiser, and you have the recipe for major banality.

Wait—it gets worse.  It’s almost as if the game is secondary, the way these fuckers carry on with their celebrity interviews in the broadcast booth with whatever ABC/Disney schmuck has some TV show or movie to plug that week.  At least back in the day with Frank, Howard and Dandy Don, the celebrity interviews were spontaneous, like when John Lennon appeared on MNF in 1974 for no particular reason—now it’s so blatantly contrived it ain’t even funny.

What finally put me over the edge was the Brett Favre lovefest they conducted during last week’s game at Denver, featuring a pregame love letter video featuring Favre’s wife Deanna.  Don’t get me wrong here—Brett is a one of a kind QB and most definitely a first ballot no-brainer Hall of Famer—but Jesus Horatio Christ, you’d think the guy found a cure for cancer, the way the ESPN crew constantly prattled on about him the other night!  Even die-hard Packer fans must’ve gotten sick of hearing all the accolades and adulation after a while.  And naturally, Favre just had to throw an 82-yard TD pass in OT to win the game.  Trust me, folks, he does fuck up once in a while.  Hopefully he’ll prove that tomorrow at Arrowhead vs. the Chefs.

A BRONX CHEER…
…to the Denverites (Denveronians?) who hurled invective at yours truly simply because I had the effrontery to wear my K.C. Chiefs shirt at the Colorado Avalanche hockey game on Thursday night.  Might I suggest y’all check the current NFL standings and note that your mighty Broncos are hanging out with the Raiders in last place these days, while our team is tied for first place.  And oh yeah, we’ll see you horse's asses at Arrowhead next weekend, too…

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #55
"No One Like You"--SCORPIONS (1982)  "There are really no words strong enough to describe my longing for love."  Minor discrepency here, but I always thought our thick-accented friend Klaus Meine was singing "There are really no words coming out..."

IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME...
Oh wait, fuckin-A—I can tonight!  This is one of my favorite nights of the year, as we can actually manipulate time and turn the clocks back and re-live one hour of our lives.  It's just a shame I'm not getting laid at this particular moment...