General folderol

WHAT I COULD BE DOING TONIGHT
I could at this very moment be attending my company's Christmas party at the Hyatt Reject—sorry, Regency—hotel.  Now, I'm normally not one to pass up free food and free booze, but the weather outside is a tad frightful with semi-icy roads, and I literally don't have a thing to wear to this gig that would be appropriate anyway.  Anymore, these annual rituals are little more than fashion shows as the women-folk are in competition to outdress one another, anyway, and I can view the photos of the event later on.  In the meantime, I'll just drink beer in the relative safety of my humble abode here and entertain y'all with my verbal bazooka instead...

SPEAKING OF CHRISTMAS AND BEER...
I wish Miller High Life would bring back this old TV commercial they used to play every year during the holidays.  The scenery was just gorgeous and it was always one of my favorite holiday ads, along with this one.  Surely, Miller (the beer that made Milwaukee burp) could forego a few playings of their current fancy Christmas ad with the Transsexual Siberian Orchestra and still give the "I'll Be Home For Christmas" spot a few spins each year.  While I'm on beer commercials, I was reminded of an oldie but a goodie while watching History Channel's "History of beer" show today.  Schlitz Malt Liquor was crappy beer, but they had great commercials.  Would I BULLshit you?  Sorry, bad pun...

SPEAKING OF HISTORY CHANNEL...
...at least they are what they say they are—a history channel.  So many other cable channels don't live up to their names, thus I have a few suggestions to correct this problem.  For instance, Lifetime should really be called Chick Flicks And/Or Disease Of The Week Network, Discovery Health Channel should be renamed the Baby-Birthing Channel, and TV Land can easily change to the Andy & Opie Network.  ESPN2 should be called Poker Central and BET should switch to the more accurate moniker, Pimps R Us/The Infomercial Channel.  The Weather Channel should become the Doomsday Network, and MTV should just plain be stricken from cable television, period!  Oh, and one more—I think it would be more appropriate for BBC America to be called the English Channel, don't you?  Get it?  English Channel!!!

WE GOT DEM 'OL POWDER BLUES AGAIN
Big news out of the Kansas City Royals camp this week, as they unveiled their new retro powder blue uniforms that some fans have been clamoring for the team to bring back for years.  I was never especially fond of the originals from the '70s myself—I always thought they were kinda wussy-looking.  Hope everyone's happy now, but I hate to tell ya, kids—this ain't gonna help the Royals win any more games...



QUICK QUESTION HERE...
I'm curious—exactly how many pints of blood do these Ultimate Fighter dudes on Spike TV, Vs. channel, et al, have to lose before they stop these fights?  Jaws was less gory than this show is...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #63
"Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting"—ELTON JOHN (1973)  "My old man's a drunkard and a barrel full of monkeys and my old lady, she don't care..."  Or try it my old way as a 9-year-old with "My old man's a druggist..."

OOPS, THEY DID IT AGAIN!
The Grammy nominations were announced this week.  Once again, they fail to recognize that the music business has become so fragmented that it's useless to lump so many different genres into the same award category.  Prime example this year:  Album of the Year, which pits Foo Fighters, Vince Gill, Herbie Hancock, Kanye West and Amy Winehouse.  Thus, you have a Rock band, a Country singer, a Jazz player, a Rap singer and some tattooed no-talent skank drug addict all vying for the same award!  This is all just about as pointless as waving to Stevie Wonder, wouldn't you say?  In addition, my buddy Mellencamp is nominated for his shilling-for-Chevy song "Our Country" as is the Paul McCartney album that contains that gawd-awful "Nod Your Head" track.  Is it just me, or are the Grammy Awards just about as obsolete as 8-track tapes, rotary-dial phones, Apple IIe computers, Pong games and MTV?

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD? WE'LL SOON SEE...
I'm more than a little curious how Monday night's Led Zeppelin reunion concert in London will turn out.  Messers. Robert Plant, Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones are hooking up with the late John Bonham's son Jason for this one-off show in tribute to late Atlantic Records co-founder Ahmet "Don't Call Me Omelet" Ertegun.  Word has it that if things go well, a lengthy tour may well ensue.  I love Zeppelin on record, but I've never been terribly impressed with their live recordings—Page's guitar always sounded woefully out of tune, and they would often go off on these tangents right in the middle of a song and never come back to it.  Now, I'm not saying anyone should reproduce their songs note-for-note in concert, but lawdy Miss Clawdy, do we really need 25 minutes of "Dazed And Confused"?  Oh well, for what it's worth, Plant was still in good voice when I saw him open for The Who five years ago, especially on Zep classics like "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You", so hopefully he can still bring it now.  You can bet if there is indeed a subsequent tour after Monday's show, it'll be the Motherlode of all reunion tours.

On to new business...

Enough celebrating, it's time to rant again!

HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN, REVISITED
Nine dead in an Omaha shopping mall, thanks to some 19-year-old high school dropout loser with an assault rifle.  Okay, explain this to me one more time like I'm a four-year-old:  what the fuck does any ordinary citizen need with an assault rifle?  And don't give me all that NRA mantra about the right to protect one's family, either!  Hell, these NRA fuckers care more about their damn guns than they do about their own familes anyway.

THEY NEVER LEARN, DO THEY?—PART I
Per his usual, Dubya still insists on stirring up some shit with Iran, even after reports came out this week that new intelligence info indicates that Iran abandoned its nuclear program four years ago.  Just once, can't this misguided moron admit he's wrong about something?

THEY NEVER LEARN, DO THEY?—PART II
The religious right are once again getting their collective panties in a wad over yet another movie, The Golden Compass, claiming that it promotes atheism.  Okay, I'm going to play my it's-just-a-movie card one more time, here.  Just as they did with Da Vinci Code, Last Temptation of Christ and Passion of The Christ, the God Squadders are drawing tons of undue attention and publicity to a movie that could just as easily fade away without a trace if they'd just keep their yaps shut...

YOU CALL THIS NEWS?
It snowed in Baltimore last night!  Three whole inches!!  That was one of the big stories on CNN this morning, complete with footage of a snow plow clearing an airport runway.  Why is this even considered newsworthy?  Now, if it snows in Baltimore on the 4th of July, that's worth mentioning!  If it snows in Miami or Honolulu, then fine, tell us all about it, but I don't wanna hear about minor snowfall anywhere north of North Carolina on network TV news...

SPEAKING OF SNOW...
We got about an inch or so of it today (not newsworthy).  And naturally, as part of the on-going pussification of American school kids, several school districts closed early today, never mind that there wasn't even enough snow to cover the grass and some of it was actually melting off the roads by late afternoon...

THE PIANO MAN COMETH
Billy Joel should be taking the stage as I type this as the Sprint Center.  I've always wanted to see him in concert, and thought about going tonight, but I just couldn't stomach forking over 60 bucks just to sit behind the stage.  Oh well, there are plenty of other good concerts coming to Kansas City soon, like Kid Rock, Wayne Newton and Air Supply.  I think I'm going to cry...

GREAT BAND NAME
VHS Or Beta—I read about them in the paper today.  I'm sure there's a band out there called Paper or Plastic too.  By the way, I will defend the Beta videotape format to my death vs. the overrated VHS...

MORE GREAT BAND NAMES
Top 5 names of tribute bands for '80s group The Outfield:
1) The Infield
2) Third Base Line
3) On-Deck Circle
4) Dugout
5) Pitcher's Rubber

MAN OR MACHINE?
I heard the 1986 song "Human" by The Human League the other day, and it reminded me of a funny story from my radio days.  The Transtar satellite folks (who provided us with the bulk of our programming day) often played these "drop-ins" between songs to promote the station ("your home for the greatest hits", for example).  One of them included a snippet from "Human", but for some reason the tape was really slow on that one, thus making the vocals sound most decidedly un-human during the "I'm only human" chrous!  "Iiiiii'mmmmm oooonnnllyy huuuuuuumannnnnnn..."

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #62
"School's Out"--ALICE COOPER (1972) "School's been blown to pieces"  Not me this time, but rather the band Krokus in their totally unnecessary 1986 cover version of Big Al's classic when they sang "School is closed for recess."

GREAT GIFT IDEA
And one of the greatest improvements to an existing product ever—it's the Dr. Laura Dartboard!  Hurry, though—supplies are limited...

Happy Blogiversary to Me!--Part 2

As promised, here are some more favorites from the Holland's Comet archive from the past six months or so (in chronological order):

--Motherhood? (6-2-07)

--"They Died Young"--Vol. III (6-7-07)

--The Bane of My Existence (6-24-07)

--"They Died Old"--Volume I (6-26-07)

--"What The &%#@ Were They Thinking?"-Vol. 1 (7-5-07)

--July 6, 1982 (7-6-07)

--"They Died Old"--Vol. II (7-15-07)

--"They Died Old"--Vol. III (7-28-07)

--Same ol' shit, different underwear... (9-19-07)

--It's in 'im and it's got to come out... (10-8-07)

--Welcome to the Scent Printer! (10-11-07)

Happy Blogiversary to me!--Part 1

December 4, 2006: "A date that will live in infancy!"—A. Bunker

Well, kids, here we are on Day 366 in the life of da Comet.  By dingies—352 posts and 61 misheard lyrics later, my little baby is still alive and well, and I'm a proud father (did I say that?!?).  As I stated in my very first post, for reasons that are still unknown to me, I resisted starting up a blog for the longest time.  But, good moogly-woogly, once I started this behemoth, the skies parted, the seas churned, the earth moved and the floodgates opened, and voila!  Blogging has been a real pleasure and treasure to me—a great forum for me to rant and vent, plus an outlet for me to just plain be creative and hopefully entertain more than a few fellow humans in the process.  Also in said process, I've made the acquaintance of some other fine bloggers and fellow travelers, and it's been a total hoot.  About the only negative I can think of is having to learn to navigate Google's so-called "wysiwyg" publisher function, which I'm fairly certain was created by FEMA...

Thanks to anyone and everyone who takes the time to experience my bullshit.  I especially want to thank Randy Raley for inspiring yours truly to finally get off his duff and start a blog, just as he inspired yours truly to pursue a career in radio—okay, one out of two ain't bad! I also want to thank my other regular commenters Ken Dillon (let me know when you wanna do lunch, buddy!), the good Dr. Sardonicus, M.D., and Sir Kilroy, proprietor of the Gonzo Papers.  And as always, I welcome comments from anyone and everyone about what I say, even if we disagree—I've only rejected one comment so far, and that's only because it made about as much sense as Mr. DeFazio on "Laverne & Shirley".  And rest assured, dear friends—I have plenty more good stuff up my sleeve for Year Two!

In celebration of this auspicious occasion, I present to you, gentle readers, a little best-of collection of some of my favorite posts (in fairly chronological order) from the first six months.  I'll cover the remaining six months tout-de-sweet.  Feel free to add any comments you like, even though the following are reruns:


--Top 10 Most Irritating Top 40 Hits of All-Time (12-13-06)

--The Dumbest Celebrity Product Endorsements of All-Time (1-3-07)

--Worst Cover Songs of All-Time (1-6-07)

--Fallen Idols (1-16-07)

--57 Channels and Nothin' On (1-31-07)

--Great Moments in Radio, Vol. V (2-8-07)

--Good Answers (2-28-07)

--It really makes you wonder... (3-17-07)

--Randy Rhoads, 1956-1982 (3-19-07)

--Great Moments in Radio, Vol. VII (3-21-07)

--Da Raidas! (3-26-07)

--Back in the saddle again... (3-26-07)

--My "Field of Dreams" (4-2-07)

--Let it Rain! (4-4-07)

--Enlighten us, oh Flatulent One! (4-18-07)

--The Greatest Album of All-Time (5-1-07)

--#200 (5-3-07)

--Whole lotta bloggin' goin' on (5-24-07)

--I know you are, but what am I? (5-27-07)

--My General Moody-ness (5-29-07)

--"They Died Young"--Volume I (of an occasional series) (5-31-07)

Blue Monday, Blue Day

PURE B.(C.)S.
Once again, college football's Bowl Championship Series proved itself to be about as worthless as a bobsled in Zimbabwe by denying the University of Missouri a bid in a top-tier BCS bowl game, in spite of MU (11-2) being ranked 6th in their own poll, two spots ahead of Kansas, who received an at-large bid to the Orange Bowl to play Virginia Tech.  Nice to see KU (11-1) get in a major bowl for the first time since I was in Kindergarten, but let's back up the truck a second here—MU beat KU!  MU's strength of schedule (26th out of 119, I believe) was far tougher than KU's (109 out of 119, or something like that) and MU had to play an extra game that KU didn't.  Can you say "politics"?  Even worse, another team that MU beat this season, Illinois (9-3), got a BCS bid to the Rose Bowl.  Granted, Missouri gets to play on New Year's Day for the first time since the Nixon Administration in the Cotton Bowl against Arkansas (a school I'd love to see in the Big 12, btw).  It should make for a good game and it's only about an eight-hour road trip for Mizzou fans to Dallas, but after being the #1 team in the nation last week, this feels like a major demotion.  I also predict that Va. Tech will kick the crap out of Kansas, and I'll be doing the "Hokie Pokey" afterwards...

And in what's becoming an annual holiday tradition, this whole situation just screams out for a playoff system in college football, but the old-boy network of powers-that-be won't allow change.  They claim it would ruin the tradition of the bowl games.  Bullshit!  Hell, they've already done that by adding the extra game for the championship.  A playoff system would only make the bowl games that much more inviting to watch.  Does anyone really give a rat's uvula about the Outback Bowl, anyway?  The Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl?  Come on, people, this is a fucking joke!

SPEAKING OF JOKES...
I watched those Va. Tech Hokies beat Boston College the other day in the ACC Champeenship Game in Jacksonville, and was floored when they showed a blimp shot of the stadium, and there couldn't have been more than 20,000 people there.  Come on, J-ville, you can do better than that!  Just because Florida State or Georgia Tech wasn't in this game is no excuse for such a paltry crowd.  Y'all missed a damn good game, too.  K.C. packs Arrowhead for the Big 12 title game (usually in cold weather), even when local favorites don't participate.  Shit, Jacksonville can't even pack the place for the Jaguars—a pretty good team, btw—and they cover up several sections of seats in their stadium with tarps to create contrived "sellout" crowds.

CALL THE GUINNESS PEOPLE...
...and tell them to have their erasers ready.  Tonight was the big Hannah Montana concert at the Sprint Center, and it's quite possible a world record was set for the most pre-pubescent girls wearing cheap-quality long blonde wigs ever assembled in one place at the same time!  What's really funny with all the hysteria this thing has caused, a year from now it'll all be forgotten and replaced by the next crappy pre-teen sensation rip-off artist...

FIRE ON ICE
Literally!  Thanks, but I really wanted a Bud Light!

SAY IT AIN'T SO!
CNN's sensation-izer machine was in rare form today, as they had some shocking footage this morning of a rare weather phenomenon—it snowed in Minnesota!  Can you believe that?  A whole two inches, too!  Could the Yukon be next?  Tune in tonight for our investigative report...

AFTER FURTHER REVIEW...
I was listening to one of my homemade '80s compilation CDs today, and came across Elton John's "Wrap Her Up" from 1986, which features George Michael guesting on vocals.  Hmmm, two openly-gay men paying homage to women—what's wrong with this picture?  Love Elton to death (in the loosest sense, that is), but this song wasn't one of his more stellar career moments.  The album it came from, Leather Jackets, was a major dud too, and strangely enough was the only EJ studio album that did not include printed lyrics—just as well, it sucked...

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM
Don't mean to give out free advertising here, but I have a bone to pick with one of my favorite KC eateries, the Westport Flea Market Bar & Grill. They've put out these buy-one/get-one free lunch or dinner coupons for years, but recently changed the rules to include "Maximum value $5.00".  Just one little problem—there are no entrees on their menu less than five bucks!  Therefore, how can anything be "free"?  Awfully misleading, folks.  I can also do without this new e-mail address bullshit at the bottom—what, I have to give personal info just to use a coupon, now?  This K.C. institution was recently spared the wrecking ball and ignominy of being replaced with a Hooters after a major outcry from Flea customers, and this is how the owners thank us?  Great burgers, but these coupons are pure hooey!

THE "SHOE" IS FITTING
If you don't read "Shoe" on a daily basis, your life is not complete!

D'oh!

Regarding Missouri's blowout loss to Oklahoma tonight in the Big 12 title game:  At least they didn't step on their own collective winkies this time—they were thoroughly outplayed by a better team tonight.  And they can at least say they didn't get beat by Pittsburgh (and we ain't talkin' Steelers here) in their own house like West "Virgina" did!  And that's all I have to say about that...

Blog 'Til Ya Drop!

A CAREER OF EVEL
We’ve lost yet another ‘70s icon with the passing of daredevil Evel Knievel yesterday at age 69.  This man cheated death probably more than any other human being and was a perfect fit for the madness that was the 1970s in America.  Evel never struck me as the nicest guy in the world, but he had kind of a Rock star aura to him—he was Elvis on two wheels for us pre-teens back in the day—and he was as synonymous with Saturday afternoons on ABC’s “Wide World of Sports” as Muhammad Ali and Jim McKay.  Undoubtedly, Knievel was the inspiration for the rather infamous “Fearless Fonzarelli” episode of “Happy Days” where The Fonz jumped trash barrels on his motorcycle.  I also remember a hilarious sketch drawing my older brother once had that parodied Knievel called “Anal Kanal”, featuring a semi-truck jumping over a bunch of Harleys!

Knievel made a couple jumps right here in Kansas City, including one just a couple miles from my house at K.C. International Raceway just a few months before his infamous Snake River Canyon jump in September, 1974 in his custom made “Sky Cycle” rocket contraption.  I remember being pissed off that we were unable to watch it live because it was only available as a closed-circuit pay event at movie theaters (or something like that).  That jump didn’t seem all that bizarre to me back when I was ten, given the extravagance of the time—this was about the same period that some fool strung a tightrope between the World Trade Center towers and walked across it, so jumping over a river in a homemade rocket al a Wile E. Coyote seemed downright normal.  Looking back on it 30 some-odd years later, it’s more of a classic “What the hell was he thinking?” moment.

R.I.P., Evel—the ‘70s wouldn’t have been the same without you, ya crazy mutha…

SPEAKING OF THE FONZ…
I’m currently watching the new Season 3 “Happy Days” DVD set, which features the above-mentioned episode.  This was the season HD really took off and “Fonzie Mania” swept the nation.  I loved that character at the time, but the years have given me a chance to reevaluate Arthur Fonzarelli a bit, and he was a bit of a douche in some ways.  And if he was so cool, then why did he hang out with dorks like Richie, Potsie and Ralph?  I have another observation about HD:  Wasn’t Mr. C. just a tad overdressed to run a hardware store?  He always wore three-piece suits to work!

Still, there were some damn funny episodes that year, like when Richie tries to fight the hoods at Arnold’s (although “Taxi”’s Jeff Conaway hardly made a convincing thug) and when Ralph runs over Fonzie’s bike.  This was the lone HD season for Pat Morita as Arnold, as he was a hoot in his Mr. Miyagi voice when he threatened Richie and Potsie with, “I’m gonna kick you out of Arnold’s for life—maybe even a couple days longer!”  Morita made a poor career move the following year by starring in his own short-lived ABC series “Mr. T. And Tina”.  No, not that Mr. T., but I pity the fools who watched it anyway—it was a crappy show.

SPEAKING OF “HAPPY DAYS“…
I’m also watching the season 3 DVD of the show HD spawned, “Laverne & Shirley”, or as Archie Bunker called them “Lavine & Shirley”.  This is another show that seemed like a great idea at the time, but it seems horribly dated now.  The storylines were awfully hokey, and they got a little carried away with the physical comedy at times.  I never could stand Laverne’s old man, either—I couldn’t understand a word that man said!  As Robin Williams once described race car driver Jackie Stewart, Mr. DeFazio was "a man who speaks English and still needs a translator!"  I loved Lenny and Squiggy, though—there was actually talk of a spinoff for the other L&S at one time, but it never happened.  Just as well, because they were more effective in small doses anyway.  "Laverne & Shirley" got really stupid when the cast moved en masse from Milwaukee to California, and overstayed its welcome when it became just plain "Laverne" after Cindy Williams left the show during a contract dispute in the early '80s.  Not sure if I’ll even bother with those final couple seasons when they come out on DVD.

SPEAKING OF LENNY & SQUIGGY...
Y'all remember Lenny & The Squigtones, doncha?  Yes, that legendary band famous for "Night After Night"—a song "about two nights in a row".  And I defy you, gentle readers, to name the cat behind the drums in the photo here, with cat being the key word...

SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE (SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE)--SHAKE YABUTA!
The Royals joined the growing trend in baseball by signing Japanese relief pitcher Yasuhiko Yabuta this week.  Hell, if the Red Sox can do it, why can’t we?  Hell, I say sign an Eskimo if he can pitch worth a damn!  Are there any Artesians with good arms out there?

SOME TRADITIONS NEVER DIE
I enjoyed the annual Army-Navy football game again today from Baltimore.  Never mind the fact that neither service academy is usually very competitive (although Navy is bowl-bound this season), I love the way the Cadets and the Midshipmen always battle it out like it’s the end of the world.  The only thing that would make it better would be if we could somehow resurrect old J.F.K. Stadium in Philadelphia (where Live Aid took place in ‘85) and play the game in the mud and the muck like they used to back in the ‘60s and ‘70s.  BTW, Navy won 38-3 today.

MORE PEOPLE I CAN DO WITHOUT
I am very unimpressed with this new “TMZ” show that’s all the rage now.  Perhaps I’m a tad biased since I don’t give a monkey’s about celebrity gossip news anyway, but I can really do without these losers that host this caca-fest.  They look like a bunch of jaded coffee house denizens who can’t find real jobs…

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #61
“She Bop”—CYNDI LAUPER (1984)  “I hope he will understand…”  Minor whiff on my part here—I thought she sang “I don’t even understand.”  Still and all, this is the third-greatest song ever about masturbation, right behind Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself” and The Who’s “Pictures of Lily”.

NEW CHANT
For one night only, the University of Missouri, should alter its traditional “M-I-Z, Z-O-U” chant.  Might I suggest they change it to, “M-I-Z, Beat-O-U”?

The Unthinkable!

Okay, it's well-documented here that I can't stand "Dancing With The Stars (Has-Beens)", but I stumbled across the highlights of last night's show on the early morning CNN news shows today, and thought I was dreaming.  Never in my lifetime did I ever figure on seeing a man placing his face within mere inches of Marie Osmond's crotch (at the 1:23 mark on the above video) on national TV!  I always thought that behavior was a big no-no with Mormon-types, but evidently not.  Just when I'd thought I'd seen it all...

General meanderings

KEVIN DuBROW, 1955-2007
I'm rather fascinated by the differing opinions being expressed in the wake of the passing Sunday of Quiet Riot lead singer Kevin DuBrow.  In some circles, he's being highly-praised, like on Ken's Blog and by some of his fellow musicians, while in others, he's not so highly thought-of, like with Randy Raley and Dr. Sardonicus.  I tend to agree with the latter two.

I know it’s not nice to speak poorly of the dead, but I think it's rather hypocritical to suddenly heap glowing praise on someone upon their death when I wasn’t all that fond of them when they were alive—witness my reactions to Jerry Falwell’s and Anna Nicole Smith’s passings in previous blog entries.  Pretty much everything I’ve ever heard and read about Kevin DuBrow is that he was your basic David Lee Roth wanna-be, and just like DLR, he could be a real horse’s ass at times.  Sadly, over the years DuBrow more or less became a punch line and caricature for the stereotypical egomaniac has-been Rock star, especially with his ridiculous-looking wigs—these rugs made Mr. Tudball's toupes on the "Carol Burnett Show" look natural by comparison!

I definitely give Quiet Riot their due for their part in helping heavy metal to go mainstream in the ‘80s, but I also credit DuBrow with the band’s quick downfall.  When Quiet Riot’s second album came out in ‘84, DuBrow more or less alienated everyone with all his trash-talking bravado aimed at other up-and-coming bands like Motley Crue and Ratt.  I’ll never forget QR’s appearance on MTV when DuBrow kept jabbering like a banshee on steroids while bassist Rudy Sarzo sat there clearly annoyed with him and didn’t say a word.  Rudy left QR to join Whitesnake some time after that, and by the time QR’s third album came out in 1986, they were already has-beens.  Damn shame, too, because I think Quiet Riot could’ve been every bit as big as Def Leppard, Scorpions and Motley Crue were.  I saw them open for Z.Z. Top in ’83 right when "Metal Health" was really catching fire, and they were a damn good live band.  Hell, they were just here a couple months back opening for Z.Z. again, ironically.  Sarzo and drummer Frankie Banali made up a rock-solid rhythm section, guitarist Carlos Cavazo could be Eddie Van Halen-like at times, and Kevin DuBrow was your classic Heavy Metal screamer.  I’m rather curious what the cause of death is.  For a guy who was so in love with himself, I doubt if Kevin DuBrow would commit suicide, but who knows?

In any event, rest in peace, Kevin…

HURRY!! GET YER TICKETS NOW!
Can someone explain why they’ve already put tickets on sale for Celine Dion at Sprint Center, when the concert isn’t scheduled until November 15, 2008?!?  I’ve never heard of concert tickets being put on sale nearly a year in advance before.  Is this to allow her legion of fans (all 14 of ‘em) to schedule their vacations from work around it or something?  I thought that hack retired anyway.  Celine Dion is one of those singers who technically has a wonderful voice, but whose body of work is a total bore—Whitney Houston and Sarah McLaughlin fall into this category too.  (Sorry, Tom!)

MINI MOVIE REVIEW
I'm currently viewing the new version of Hairspray on DVD.  Nikki Blonsky, the new girl who plays Tracy Turnblad is light years cuter than Ricki Lake was in the original, but overall this is really an unnecessary remake—stick with the original '80s release, it was much better.  And I never imagined saying this, but I actually miss Divine here!  John Travolta in drag playing Mrs. Turnblad is giving me the willies, especially how he sounds like Cher crossed with Mike Myers doing Dr. Evil when he talks!  As for Travolta dancing in drag—I haven't seen hoofing like this since Dancing Bear on "Captain Kangaroo"...

THE DEBATE RAGES ON
Last week, a letter writer to the K.C. Star chimed in with his .02-worth about these moronic Sonic (what a rhyme-smith I am!) TV ads, accurately pointing out how ignorant they are.  In an astounding show of support, numerous other letter writers have staunchly defended these stupid things, accusing those of us who dislike said commercials of not having a sense of humor.  Now, I have a pretty open-minded sense of humor, but I'm having trouble producing even one chuckle out of these two 30-something dorks in a mini-van prattling on about mediocre fast food, okay, kids?  These commercials certainly don't do a very good job of selling the product, either—they sure's hell don't give me the urge to run out and a grab a burger at Sonic anytime soon.  I'm more of a Wendy's guy anyway...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #60
"Border Song"--ELTON JOHN (1970)  "...please excuse my frankness, but it's not my cup of tea."  A little obscure here, but I thought EJ sang "please excuse my fracas."

FOOTBALL FOLLIES I
I wasn't originally planning to watch last night's Monday Night Football game between the Steelers and the lowly Miami Dolphins until I saw they were having gawdawful weather in Pittsburgh, and there's nothing I love more sometimes than a mud-bowl football game on the tube.  They had just re-sodded the turf at Heinz Field over the weekend after it had been used for five high school games and one college game during the holiday weekend, and then a Noah's Ark-type rain came just in time to create a nice little quagmire.  This one was reminiscent of the Chiefs' Sunday night game here against Seattle in '97 when it rained so hard they had to stop the game for a while.  In both that game and last night's, a punted ball fell earthward and embedded itself into the turf and didn't move—a self-teeing football, you might say!  Pittsburgh eventually kicked a field goal to win 3-zip last night.

FOOTBALL FOLLIES II
If you ever want to see a microcosm of St. Louis/Arizona Cardinals football, just watch the highlights from their OT loss to the 49ers on Sunday.  This sad-sack franchise constantly endeavors to find new ways to snatch losses from the jaws of victory, and Sunday was a classic.  Arizona lined up to kick a 27-yard field goal in OT, but managed to let the play clock expire before snapping the ball.  The kick was good, but didn't count because of the delay of game penalty, which backed them up five yards, and true-to-form, the kicker whiffed on the ensuing 32-yard attempt.  A little while later, quarterback Kurt Warner coughed up the ball in his own end zone and a 49er defender scooped it up for the game-winning TD.  While the Chiefs are a frustrating lot to watch this season, I'll gladly take them over the ineptitude in the Desert.

Back In Black (and Gold)!

As a native Missourian, I've always been partial to the University of Missouri, and I'm tickled pink (Pinkel?) over MU's big win over Kansas 36-28 in the big foosball game at Arrowhead tonight as I can hear the fireworks thereof going off as I type from my house six miles away.  This town has been off its collective gourd this week more so than I can recall since the Royals won the World Serious in '85, and for good reason—this is a big freakin' deal!

I must admit I'm a bit of a fence-straddler when it comes to KU-MU because I have no real grievance against KU, although I can really do without some of their "whine-and-cheese-party" fans and their sense of entitlement when it comes to basketball supremacy.  I generally root for them when they play anyone else other than Mizzou, like in '88 when Danning Manning (pun intended) led them to victory in the NCAA Tournament over Oklahoma at Kemper Arena.  But on this night, I bled black and gold from the get-go—what a fucking monumental win this was for a program that's been dragged through the mud for so long.  QB Chase Daniel personally saw to it tonight that the ghosts of 5th down, Ricky Clemens, Tyus Edney, Paige Arena, Woody Wiedenhoefer, Quin Snyder and that bleedin' '97 Nebraska heartbreaker were properly exorcised and burned at the stake!

And this is not meant to denigrate KU's season by one iota—their football program has grown by leaps and bounds under Mark "Big Bambino" Mangino since he took over.  Hell, I attended the KU-MU game in Lawrence ten years ago, and all the people around us could talk about was how good the basketball team was going to be in the upcoming season—and this was while the Jayhawks were winning the fucking football game!  Bully for KU for getting their fans to give a shit about their football team for a change this year.  I really hope KU remains competitive for years to come so we don't have to deal with Nebraska, Colorado, Texas and Oklahoma dominating the conference anymore.  Let's hope the KU-MU game at Arrowhead next year is every bit as important as this year's was.

As for MU, it was like they won twice tonight—once vs. KU and once vs. the officials, who called numerous penalties against the Tigers (14 to 2—are you shittin' me?).  Oh well, it's on to San Antonio for the "official" Big 12 Championship Game vs. Oklahoma next Saturday, same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel.  Unlike last time, I do believe MU will send the Sooners packing this time...

And even without the rise of KU and MU, has this year's college football season not been one of the most exciting ever?  The NFL has been so dull this year with the Patriots winning everything in sight, but the colleges have been a total hoot with high drama, crazy upsets, lots of changes in the Top 10 and Notre Dame sucking ass—what a year!

And The Beat Goes On...

Since I did bass players the other night, it's time to salute the other half of the rhythm section. Thus, I give you my Top 20 Rock Drummers of All-Time...

20) PHIL "PHILTHY ANIMAL" TAYLOR (Motorhead)  Brother Lemmy once gave this assessment of his band:  "We may not be the best band in the world, but we are definitely the fastest!"  Little Philthy is living proof that speed don't kill...
19) MIKE "SMITTY" SMITH (Paul Revere & The Raiders)  The first Rock drummer I ever listened to on a regular basis, young master Smitty made his contemporaries (like Ringo Starr) look like amateurs.  Not to be confused with singer Mike Smith of the Dave Clark Five.
18) RICK ALLEN (Def Leppard)  Anyone with the personal fortitude to lose an arm, then re-learn how to play the drums (mostly with his feet) deserves a spot on my list.  He was already a pretty decent hard Rock drummer before his tragic accident, and his comeback three years later was nothing short of miraculous.
17) BENNY BENJAMIN (The Funk Brothers)  Motown's house drummer was outstanding—when he wasn't all fucked-up, that is.  Drugs and booze and personal demons did him in at age 43 when he died of a stroke.  Check him out on Stevie Wonder's "Uptight"—you can't miss him.
16) MITCH MITCHELL (Jimi Hendrix Experience)  This guy makes my list for his performance on "Fire" alone—quite possibly the greatest steering wheel finger-drumming song in the world!  Mitch was pretty good on Jimi's other stuff too...
15) HAL BLAINE (Session musician)  This man has probably played on more Top 40 hits than any other musician on earth, and hardly anyone knows his name.  He played on everything from Paul Revere & The Raiders and the Mamas & The Papas to the Carpenters (displacing Karen on the skins) and The Partridge Family and countless others.
14) JEFF SIMON (George Thorogood & The Destroyers)  Extremely-overlooked skinsman, and that's a shame, because he's pretty darn good.  Excellent timekeeper, and when the Delaware Destroyers hit their stride in concert, they're like a runaway freight train.
13) FRANK BEARD (Z.Z. Top)  Nothing flashy here, but rock-steady and solid all the way. Doesn't always appear to be having a good time in concert, though...
12) CARL PALMER (Emerson, Lake & Palmer/Asia)  Not unlike Chris Squire of Yes on my bass player list, CP would've scored much higher here with more exciting material, especially from ELP. Asia's "Time Again" was a nice showcase for his chops.
11) ERIC SINGER (Kiss)  Second-best drummer Kiss ever had named Eric.  With all apologies to the Cat Man, he's the second-best drummer Kiss ever had, period, and an excellent replacement for the late Eric Carr.
10) DENISE DUFORT (Girlschool)  One of the best hard Rock drummers ever, gender be damned.  And as Charlie Daniels once sang about Elvin Bishop, she "ain't good-looking, but (she) sure can play."
9) CHARLIE WATTS (Rolling Stones)  Quite possibly the greatest timekeeper in Rock history.  His drum kit looks like something right out of the Sears catalog, but he likes it, and that's all that matters.
8) KEITH MOON (The Who)  Bet y'all thought I'd rank Moon The Loon #1, didn't ya?  Surprise!  I don't even think Moon is the best drummer The Who ever had (keep reading)—and this is coming from a mondo Who fan!  Lovable as he was, Moonie was too erratic, especially toward the end, and I actually think he's a bit overrated—his constant fills and rolls were really overkill to me at times.  Awesome drummer, yes, but there are better ones in my book...
7) TOMMY ALDRIDGE (Black Oak Arkansas/Ozzy Osbourne/Whitesnake/Ted Nugent)  Journeyman drummer who is one of the best bashers of all-time.  I've never seen anyone just beat the living shit out of the drums in concert the way he did while touring with Nugent opening for Kiss in 2000 during "Great White Buffalo".  Even my hands were hurting afterwards!  I wish I could've caught him during his BOA days too...
6) NIGEL OLSSON (Elton John Band)  Most underrated drummer in Rock history.  Love to watch him play live because he looks so calm and effortless while pounding away.
5) JOHN BONHAM (Led Zeppelin)  If John Entwistle was "Thunderfingers", then Bonzo was "Thunderhands".  Love the intro to "When The Levee Breaks".  This man died far too young at 32, and for such a stupid reason too.
4) BUN E. CARLOS (Cheap Trick)  For a dude who looks like he belongs in the fictional Larry Davis Experience on "The Simpsons", Bunzuela (AKA Brad Carlson) certainly packs quite a wallop on the skins.  The Dream Police album highlighted his talents in numerous places.
3) ZAC STARKEY (The Who)  There are basically two different types of drummers—bashers and timekeepers.  The late Keith Moon was a basher, and his replacement Kenney Jones was a timekeeper.  Well, Ringo's little boy is both a basher AND a timekeeper, and he blows his old man (and Moon, for that matter) away.  I just wish he'd stop wasting his time with those Oasis pussies...
2) NEIL PEART (Rush)  Is there anything this man won't bang on with sticks?  This virtuoso's drum kit is so huge, what with all his bells and (literally) whistles, it needs its own ZIP code!  While most in-concert drum solos are exercises in overkill and/or interminibility (I hope that's a word!), Peart's solos are always highly entertaining, and he makes it look so effortless.  And if you watch him real closely, he eventually does crack a smile now and then...
1) ERIC CARR (Kiss)  A bit of a sentimental choice, given that he's no longer with us, but this little dude was just unreal on the drums!  The guy certainly brought some musical credibility to the band during the early '80s, too.  And based on everything I've ever read about Eric Carr, I wish I could've met him—he seemed like a damn nice guy and totally devoid of ego, too.  And it was exactly 16 years ago tonight that he lost his battle with heart cancer.  R.I.P., Little Caesar...

Oh, by the way...

Happy Thanksgiving, from your good friends at WKRP!

Top 20 Greatest Rock Bass Players Not Named Entwistle

Time to pay tribute to those who lay down the bottom end of the music spectrum, the mighty bass guitarists of the Rock era.  My musical idol, the late John Entwistle of The Who, is in a totally separate league from everyone else in my opinion, but that don't mean the rest of them suck.  On the contrary—here's the best of the rest:

20) JACK BRUCE (Cream)  I tend to think Cream is just a tad overrated in the overall scheme of things, but there's no denying what a fine musician this guy is.  He filled in the gaps admirably whilst Clapton wailed away during his solos.
19) LEE ROCKER (The Stray Cats)  Anyone who can tackle an old upright acoustic bass and make it rock can't be all bad!
18) JOHN DEACON (Queen)  The highly reticent member of Queen, to be sure, but he came through loud and clear with his bass work on "Another One Bites The Dust", as well as "Dragon Attack" from 1980's The Game album.
17) FLEA (Red Hot Chili Peppers)  I'm not a big fan of RHCP, but Flea was able to make Stevie Wonder's funky classic "Higher Ground" even funkier with his titanic bass playing.
16) CHRIS SQUIRE (Yes)  A poor man's John Entwistle in many ways.  He'd have scored a whole lot higher on my list if Yes' music wasn't so bloody tedious throughout most of their career.
15) MICHAEL ANTHONY (Van Halen)  While not nearly as technically-accomplished as the others on this list, Mikey makes my list on pure chutzpah and personality.  This is also a personal "fuck you" to Eddie Van Halen for kicking this guy out of the band for no good reason.  Fuck you, Eddie, and take Diamond Dave with you!
14) DONALD "DUCK" DUNN (Stax Records/The Blues Brothers)  This dude is about as prolific and funky as they come.  Played bass on just about everything important that Stax put out in the '60s.
13) NICK LOWE (Brinsley Schwartz/Rockpile)  Understated bass playing from a guy who is better known for his songwriting and producing prowess.  Check out his thumping pulse on tracks like "Heart Of The City" and "Bobo Ska Diddle Daddle".
12) BILLY BLOUGH (George Thorogood & The Destroyers)  His bass bits on 1978's "Move It On Over" are what initially drew me to the song in the first place.  As Charlie Daniels once sang about Elvin Bishop, "He ain't good-looking, but he sure can play..."
11) DUSTY HILL (Z.Z. Top)  For a man whose fingers resemble nothing more than big link sausages, ol' "Groover McToober" can lay down some bad-ass bass!
10) JOHN LODGE (The Moody Blues)  Very underrated player who reminds me of Entwistle at times, especially on "The Story In Your Eyes" and "I'm Just A Singer (In A Rock 'N' Roll Band)".
9) LEMMY (Motorhead)  Hardly the most technically proficient bass player in the world, but what he lacks in technique he makes up for with volume and attitude.  Almost like another rhythm guitar, really.
8) GEEZER BUTLER (Black Sabbath)  Totally unorthodox style of playing, but hey, whatever works! His best moments were "N.I.B." and "Heaven And Hell".
7) DEE MURRAY (Elton John Band) This man, rest his soul, never gets any credit for his outstanding work on EJ's recordings from 1970 thru 1975 and in the early '80s.  Very subtle, to be sure, but check him out on "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" and "Ballad Of Danny Bailey" from Yellow Brick Road and see what I mean.
6) PAUL McCARTNEY (The Beatles/Wings)  John Lennon may have had issues with Paul on numerous fronts, but even JL accurately gave Big Macca his due when it came to his bass playing, saying that he was grossly underrated for it.  I tend to agree.  "All My Loving" is an early example of Sir Paul's prowess on the ol' violin bass.
5) BILL WYMAN (Rolling Stones)  About as exciting as watching paint dry in concert, but Wyman was about as rock solid as anyone on record.  Love his funky little bass lines on "Undercover Of The Night" and "Winning Ugly".
4) JOHN PAUL JONES (Led Zeppelin)  Like Wyman, he was boring as whale shit to watch play live on-stage, but on vinyl JPJ delivered big-time, especially on that first Zeppelin album on tracks like "Dazed And Confused" and my personal all-time Zep favorite, "How Many More Times".  Not a bad keyboard player, either.
3) JAMES JAMERSON (The Funk Brothers)  The majority of the music produced on Motown Records in the '60s wouldn't have been nearly as good without this man.  Entwistle himself acknowledged Jamerson as a big influence on his own bass playing.
2) TOM PETERSSON (Cheap Trick)  Four strings ain't enough for this dude—he's best known for playing an 8-string bass, and sometimes even a 12-string behemoth!  Check him out on CT's 1988 Lap Of Luxury LP on their excellent remake of Elvis' "Don't Be Cruel" and especially the underrated track "All Wound Up"—it's sure to rattle yer pots and pans...
1) GEDDY LEE (Rush)  This guy never ceases to amaze me with his multi-tasking in concert.  The boy not only plays very complex bass lines, but he doubles on keyboards and sings some fairly advanced lyrics—all at the same time!  And he doesn't even wear a tuque! Pretty good, eh?

Nyuk! x 3

THREE GREAT STOOGES IN K.C. CHIEFS HISTORY

Just say Mo!


Why, I oughtta...

He was just a victim of soy-cumstance...

AFLAC!

Sorry, but I just can't resist a bad pun!

"I don't wanna cause no fuss..."

...but I often do, anyway!

A LITTLE PLUG HERE...
For the "Gonzo Papers" blog (see link at right) and his little Blogiversary Carnival event, featuring submitted writings from various bloggers, including yours truly.  You'll find my "7-6-82" Elton John concert blog entry near the bottom of this little blogfest.  Read up, peoples!

HEAD ON--DIRECTLY TO THE BONEHEAD!
It may well be against protocol to re-post other people's blog entries without permission, but I can't resist here.  This is from Dave's Window (see also link at right), and it sounds just like something I'd write, and I fucking wish I had:

If you're a consumer who has actually purchased the product Head On, you deserve a headache.

No offense, of course. It's not like you're stupid or anything, it's just...no wait.  Yeah, it is like you're stupid.  Ironically the head-bone is the reason that using Head On is a bone-headed idea.  If you apply it to your forehead, there is a huge barrier between the medicine and the pain...it's called the skull.  Ironically, using Head On makes you a real numb-skull.  Ah, so much irony in such a stupid product.

The funniest line of the commercial (besides the annoying "apply directly to the forehead" crap) is "no prescription necessary."  No shit?  Look, if your doctor tries to give you a prescription for this product, you should open your network provider booklet immediately.  End rant.

Dave, you're a voice of reason in this vast wilderness of stupidity!  Hope you don't mind me borrowing your stuff...

SQUEEZE ALL YOU WANT TO NOW!
Actor Dick Wilson died Sunday at age 91.  We knew him better as pop culture icon Mr. Whipple of Charmin toilet paper TV commercial fame. I kid you not, folks, I was out of T.P. and had to buy some on the way home from work today, and I gave a little squeeze in tribute.  R.I.P., Mr. Whipple...



ICONS SCHMICONS REVISITED
After seeing the entire TV Land/Entertainment Weakly "Top 50 TV Icons" list, I have even more grievances.  Jon Stewart?  Calista Flockhart?  Sarah Michelle Gellar?  George Clooney?  Come on, now!  Where the fuck is Fred Sanford?  George Jefferson?  Fred Flintstone?  Adam West as Batman?  No one from "Cheers" or "Frasier"?  Not even fucking Gilligan?  The entire "Brady Bunch" snubbed?  Yet hacks like Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres make the cut?  Horse hockey!

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD (AND WE KNOW IT)
High school pep bands now play Bon Jovi songs.  Even "You Give Love A Bad Name" with the "bad name" echo vocal done on trombone, no less!  A sure sign of the Apocalypse...

THAT CAT NAMED HERCULES DOES IT AGAIN
In lieu of the Elton John concert at Sprint Center I missed last month, I picked up his new Elton 60 DVD which chronicles his 60th birthday concert from March of this year at Madison Square Garden—coincidentally his record-setting 60th performance as the world's most famous arena.  Well worth the 15 bucks I paid for it too, as it features a gi-normous set list filled with the usual suspects like "Bennie" and "Levon", and the not-so-usual suspects like "Roy Rogers", "(All The Girls Love) Alice" and "(Where To Now), St. Peter?", among many other long lost Elton gems that he's been known to dust off and play in concert.

Other highlights for me from the concert itself were "Hercules" from Honky Chateau, "Holiday Inn" from Madman Across The Water (and the title track from that one as well), and "High Flying Bird", the beautiful closer from the Don't Shoot Me album.  Also included in this 2-disc set are several other long lost live performances from various points in EJ's career, including the rarely performed "We All Fall In Love Sometimes/Curtains" from Captain Fantastic.  Another thing I found impressive is how Elton often says things during the show like, "Here's a song we haven't done in over 30 years..." as in "we as a band" instead of "I".  With longtime stalwarts Davey Johnstone and Nigel Olsson in the band—not to mention lyricist Bernie Taupin—this is especially appropriate.

I encountered one little problem whilst singing along with Elton on these great old songs, though:  I found it just a tad disconcerting when I'd hit those high falsetto bits on songs like "Madman", "Bennie & The Jets" and "Philadelphia Freedom" and Elton didn't!  Sadly, since his 1987 throat surgery Elton is no longer able to scale the heights of his vocal range as he once did.  Fortunately, I'm 17 years younger than he is and my high range is still intact.  Meantime, jolly good show, ol' chap...

WHO DEY?
I also checked out the new Who DVD documentary collection Amazing Journey this week.  For all you young'uns out there who think Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Kid Rock were/are the shit, I suggest you watch this video and get educated!  For the rest of you unitiated out there who just want to learn about the history of one of the finest Rock 'N' Roll bands ever on earth in this hemisphere, this is as good a place to start as any.  I was quite pleased with the extra effort Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey went to in highlighting the late John Entwistle's importance to the band, as well as the lunatic fringe that late drummer Keith Moon brought to the table.

One thing I could've done without is the crackle sounds they used to simulate an old phonograph record album to accompany the documentary.  Cute concept, and yes, the crackle sounds were par for the course on old vinyl records, but they're highly irritating and distracting on a Dolby 5.1 DVD!  Oh well, long live Rock.  I certainly need it every night...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #59
"Gemini Dream"--THE MOODY BLUES (1981)  "Make it work out (make it work)/Make it work out, for each other tonight..."  I first mistook the "for each other tonight" line for "you're in trouble tonight..."

SPRINT CENTER REVIEW
I attended the very first sporting event at our mighty new Sprint Center last night, a college basketball doubleheader featuring UCLA vs. Maryland and Michigan St. vs. Missouri in the CBE (College Basketball Experience) tournament.  As expected, the arena doesn't suck as a sporting venue with its awesome sightlines, outstanding lighting and superior sound system that makes Kemper Arena seem like a V.F.W. hall by comparison.  This joint will make one helluva hockey arena one day too...

One thing I did miss last night was the concession stands at Kemper, which were far more efficient that the one I waited in line at for well over 20 minutes at Sprint Center before the MU game.  I read later that they ran out of hot dogs in the entire arena by halftime of the MU game.  Uhhh, were y'all not expecting a big crowd last night?  You had nine straight sellout Garth Brooks concerts and never ran out of hot dogs, yet you couldn't properly prepare for a freakin' basketball crowd?  Get on the ball, folks!

Then again, I loved the well-lit state-of-the-art lavatories, which are a major upgrade over those at our "dump with a hump" in ye olde stockyards (Kemper).  I much prefer the one man-one urinal concept over pissing into the communal trough, as it were, and I also feel a bit more secure when I'm actually seein' where I'm peein'!

Simply Divinyls

Time for another long-overdue band salute, this time for a group who is most famous for a rather infamous song, Australia's Divinyls.  There is much much more to this band than their ode to masturbation, 1991's "I Touch Myself".  In a nutshell, Divinyls are singer Christina Amphlett and guitarist Mark McEntee, and a constantly changing lineup of drummers, bass players, et al.  I like to describe the oddly-charismatic Amphlett as a strange hybrid of a white Tina Turner and Angus Young of AC/DC in terms of her semi-slutty schoolgirl antics on-stage, especially in the band's earlier days in the '80s.

My best friend Tom tried in vain early on to turn me on to the band's classic 1983 Desperate album, and for some unknown reason, I just wasn't impressed at the time.  Tom, my brother, I readily admit that I fucked up—I hereby take full responsibility for being so unequivocably wrong here, and I apologize profusely for ever doubting you!  I also deeply regret not sticking around to see the group in concert on that beastly hot July day when we were at Six Flags over St. Louis during the great heat wave of '83—we were unaware they were scheduled to play there that night when we arrived in the morning, but by mid-afternoon we were both frying like bacon in the sun, and headed back to our hotel and the cool shady swimming pool thereof.  Majorly missed opportunity, although we did eventually see the band a couple years later opening for The Cult at the Uptown Theater in K.C.

Divinyls got a fair amount of airplay on MTV for their 1985 release, What A Life! and the minor hit single "Pleasure And Pain".  They followed that album with the even-better Temperamental in 1988, then were finally noticed in America when they started touching themselves—the irony being that their biggest hit came from what was probably their weakest album, 1991's self-titled Divinyls.  I more or less lost track of them after that, although they've apparently released other records down under over the years.  I highly recommend their album Desperate from 1983, which is far and away their best from front to back.

My Divinyls Top 10:
10) "Back To The Wall" (1988)  Love the guitar figure near the end that mimics the schoolyard "Nyah nah na nyah nah!" chant.
9) "Boys In Town" (1983)  Lead-off track from the Desperate LP, and a frequent concert opener as well.
8) "Temperamental" (1988)  Title track of their second-best album, IMHO.
7) "Only Lonely" (1983)  This one had hit single written all over it, but it didn't happen here.
6) "Science Fiction" (1983)  Song with a touch of '80s synthesizer in it—another one that should've been a hit single over here.
5) "Guillotine Day" (1985)  Best song off the somewhat-wimpy What A Life album.  Amphlett cracks me up when she sings the line "too many stains in the bed..."
4) "Hey Little Boy" (1988)  Outstanding re-genderfied cover version of Syndicate of Sound's 1966 hit "Hey Little Girl".  McEntee's guitar work is top-notch here.  One of my all-time favorite remakes.
3) "Siren Song" (1983)  Great up-tempo track on which Mark and Christina do a rare duet.
2) "Elsie" (1983)  Lurid mid-tempo song portrait about a troubled and slightly deranged girl, whom Amphlett made seem very real with her vocals here:  "Life can be lonely/Life can be very sad/Life can be something you wish you never had..."  Great bass line on this one too.
1) "I'll Make You Happy" (1983)  Killer remake of 1966 hit by Australia's Easybeats (of "Friday On My Mind" fame), who featured guitarist George Young, brother of AC/DC's Malcolm and Angus Young.  Another of my all-time favorite cover songs.

A-blogging we will go...

A LITTLE SLOW ON THE UPTAKE, AIN'T WE?
It cracks me up how local letter-writers to the K.C. Star are finally calling the Rev. Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church a "hate group".  Funny how they were still considered to be a "church" when they merely picketed the funerals of gay people who died of AIDS, but now that they picket the funerals of dead U.S. military personnel (as per their warped rationale that said U.S. soldiers died defending a country that has the nerve to tolerate homosexuality), they're officially a "hate group".  Got a news flash for y'all—these losers were always a fucking hate group!!!

One can only hope that the recent multi-million $$ damages court ruling against this fuckwad and his merry band of nutbags will put them all in the poor house for good.  I say fuck free speech in this case, folks...

BUH-BYE, BARRY!
Barry Bonds is going down like the Titanic. Is that perfectly "clear"?

MUZAK TO MY EARS
During that pre-game warm-up session at the Colorado Avalanche game I attended where they played Sweet's "Fox On The Run" (see previous post), the arena organist kicked in after the players left the ice and started playing a tune that I couldn't quite place right away.  After about two minutes, I finally recognized that it was .38 Special's "Caught Up In You"—not exactly a song you would expect to hear on the ol' Wurlitzer!  It would've fit right in on Randy Raley's "Elevator From Hell" segment, too.  All the same, organs are still standard equipment at any hockey game...

Speaking of elevator music, one of my former employers had one of the funniest Muzak systems on earth.  Folks, you haven't lived until you've heard Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds' classic "Don't Pull Your Love" playing overhead—on the accordion!!  Even Weird Al would have hit his knees and uttered "I'm not worthy!" after hearing this polka.  This same Muzak system sure played a lot of Kiss songs too—I distinctly remember hearing no less than four Kiss tunes ("Beth", "Every Time I Look At You", "Sure Know Something" and "Forever"), which doubles the number of Kiss tunes our esteemed local Rock stations generally play ("Beth"/"Rock And Roll All Nite") on a regular basis.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING...
Man, did they time this first Missouri-Kansas football game at Arrowhead Stadium next weekend perfectly or what?  With both MU and KU winning today, the table is now set for a classic college foosball game at the 'Head with everything on the line for both schools, instead of some meaningless season finale, which they're both known for playing.  Let's get ready to rumble!

MARSHALL! MARSHALL! MARSHALL!
Speaking of college football, I watched a good flick on DVD last night, We Are Marshall, the true story of the aftermath of the tragic 1970 plane crash that virtually wiped out the Marshall University football team, its coaching staff and numerous supporters.  Like most football flicks, it was a tad predictable at times, but I liked it overall, and I think they told the story quite well.  I was especially pleased with the music soundtrack, which did a nice job of spotlighting the songs that were popular during that 1970-71 period, which is the "Golden Age" of Top 40 radio for me.  And of course, the Thundering Herd (or "Thundering Turd" as I affectionately call them) rose from the ashes and went on to field a very successful NCAA football program.  I give the movie a B+.

TOTAL NON-SEQUITOR
Brian Holland's Top 3 Greatest Song Titles of All-Time:
For no particular reason...
1) "Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)—JOE TEX (1977)
2) "Tit Photographer Blues"—THE FABULOUS POODLES (1978)
3) "Lookin' Better Every Beer"—THE STRAY CATS (1983)
HONORABLE MENTIONS: "Get Out Of Here, And Take Your Mother With You"—FRED G. SANFORD (1977); "Personals Ad Blues"—BRIAN HOLLAND (1994) [NOTE: I never got around to actually writing the bloody song!]


Feel free to submit yer own suggestions...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #58
"Sweet Home Alabama"—LYNYRD SKYNYRD (1974)  "Yeah, Yeah—Montgomery's got all the answers..."  Near the end of the song, Ronnie Van Zant utters this line, which I never understood until I looked it up on the 'Net.  I always thought he said something unintelligible, followed by "Goddamn!"

CLASSIC MISHEARD MOVIE LINE #1
Ricardo Montalban, Star Trek II-The Wrath of Khan (1982)  In the scene where Khan first encounters Chekov, I coulda swore he called him "Jackoff"!

GET IN TUNE, PLEASE!
'Tis the season for the Salavatin' Army to dispatch their dreaded bell ringers in front of every other store again.  Couldn't they at least provide these poor schlubs with bells that actually ring instead of clanking like a busted chainsaw?!?  Pretty damn sad...